Quotes on the theme of religion. About God, religion, heaven and hell funny, funny, witty, comic phrases, aphorisms, quotes

Religion is the belief that everything that happens to us is extremely important. And that is why it will always exist.
Cesare Pavese

Religion is a common surrogate for faith.
Oscar Wilde

A religion that does not compromise cannot be universal. A religion that compromises cannot be sacred.
Stefan Garczyński

Religion is the opium of the people.
Karl Marx

Religion is a kind of spiritual fuselage.
Vladimir Lenin

Religion is an important subject in girls' schools. She, no matter how you look at her, is the most reliable guarantee for mothers and husbands. The school should teach the girl to believe, not to think.
Napoleon I

God has no religion.
Mahatma Gandhi

Religion is the self-consciousness and self-feeling of a person who either has not yet found himself or has already lost himself again.
Karl Marx

A religion tailored to our mind would not be a religion to our needs.
Arthur Balfour

Religion is a disease of the soul.
Jonathan Swift

All religions are based on the fear of the many and the dexterity of the few.
Stendhal

Religion prevents people from seeing because, under pain of eternal punishment, it forbids them to see.
Denis Diderot

Religion consoles only those who are unable to embrace it as a whole; vague promises of rewards can only tempt those who are unable to reflect on the repulsive, deceitful, and cruel character attributed by religion to God.
Paul Henri Holbach

Religion is the cult of the gods.
Mark Tullius Cicero

Religion is only a formula of morality.
Fedor Dostoevsky

Without considering the divine, nothing human can be done well, and vice versa.
Marcus Aurelius

How many terrible atrocities religion has pushed people to!
Lucretius

Keep your religion to yourself.
George Carlin

Our sympathy for religious antiquity is not moral, but only artistic: we only admire its feelings without sharing them, just as voluptuous old men admire young girls without being able to love them.
Vasily Klyuchevsky

Religion without power will perish, and power without religion will cease to operate.
As-Samarkandi

Among the adherents of each religion religious people constitute an exception.
Friedrich Nietzsche

It was not religion that made man civilized, but man religion.
Robert Green Ingersoll

People will argue over religion, write books about it, fight and die for it, but not live by it.
Charles Caleb Colton

God is for men, religion is for women.
Joseph Conrad

The greatest strife produces fewer crimes than religious fanaticism.
Voltaire

If people are so bad with religion, what would they be without it?
Benjamin Franklin

Protestantism - and this is its main contribution to the treasury of human thought - has convincingly proved that the Lord is a terrible bore.
Henry Louis Mencken

We must respect the religion of our neighbors, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect their belief that their wives are beautiful and their children geeks.
Henry Louis Mencken

The religions closest to each other are at the same time the most hostile to one another.
Charles Louis Montesquieu

Mythology is what adults believe, folklore is what children are told, and religion is both.
Cidric Whitman

There is nothing more destructive for religion than indifference.
Edmund Burke

Often those who had never been a believer quarreled over religion.
Benjamin Franklin

You have to be a very religious person to change religion.
Duchess Diana

Religion is only one, but in a hundred guises.
George Bernard Shaw

If you want to found new religion let yourself be crucified, and on the third day rise again.
Talleyrand

Religion needs the eternal darkness of ignorance, need, technical helplessness, lack of culture.
Ludwig von Feuerbach

Each faith seasons its manna differently.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

There is a great ladder of religious cruelty with many rungs.
Georges Bataille

Religious beliefs are a great excuse to do bad things to people.
Richard Aldington

There is no such corner in the world where the difference in religious beliefs would not irrigate the earth with blood.
Denis Diderot

Religion is the main bridle for the masses, the great intimidation of simpletons, it is some kind of colossal screen that prevents the people from seeing clearly what is happening on earth, forcing them to raise their eyes to heaven.
Alexander Herzen

Religions - one and all - are ridiculous: their morality is designed for children, their promises are selfish and monstrously stupid.
Guy de Maupassant

In the temple, everyone should be serious, except for the one who is the subject of the cult.
Oscar Wilde

Religion is a bridle for people who are unbalanced in character or crushed by the circumstances of life.
Paul Henri Holbach

As soon as a religion gains dominance, all those who were its first followers become its opponents.
Friedrich Nietzsche

No man with a sense of humor was the founder of a religion.
Robert Ingersoll

Religions, like chameleons, take on the color of the soil on which they live.
Anatole France

The great religions follow the same paths as the great epidemics.
Emmanuelle Mounier

There is nothing in common between religion and virtue.
Claude Adrian Helvetius

All religions have based morality on obedience, that is, on voluntary slavery.
Alexander Herzen

The main goal of religion is not to settle a person in heaven, but to settle heaven in his soul.
Thomas Hardy

There is no kinship, no friendship, no enmity between religion and real science: they are on different planets.
Friedrich Nietzsche

One can be holy without God.
Albert Camus

All religions are alien to nature and terrible to common sense; any strong mind laughs at them and feels disgust for them.
Pierre Charron

I do not believe in God. I know.
Carl Jung

To doubt God is to believe in him.
Honore Balzac

The opium of the people is not religion, but revolution.
Simone Weil

And now the turn of the afterlife has come.
Dominik Opolsky

At present, the heavenly halls are heated by radiators connected to hell. The torments of sinners are aggravated by the knowledge that the fire that devours them, at the same time provides comfort to the righteous. (M. Twain)

In some cases, cursing provides even more relief than prayer. (M. Twain)

Heaven is accepted not on merit, but on patronage, otherwise you would have remained outside the threshold, but would have let your dog in. (M. Twain)

In religion and politics, beliefs and beliefs are almost always taken second-hand and without verification. (M. Twain)

The believer is not afraid of adversity, but in the face of adversity of fate he does not despair. (K. Prutkov)

To each his own. Saint Francis of Assisi said: "Every saint can work a miracle, but not everyone can decently run an inn." (M. Twain)

God! Death I ask you! Do not refuse me, Lord, because I am not asking for myself ...

God! Death I ask you! Do not refuse me, Lord, because I am not asking for myself ...

Let not the hand of the one who takes

May your name and your extension be sanctified, O Lord...

Let's curse while there is time, they won't let us in paradise ... (M. Twain)

If God is as it is supposed to be, he must be the most miserable of all in the universe. He watches every hour myriads of creatures he has created, experiencing incalculable suffering. He also knows the suffering they are yet to endure. You can say about him: "Unfortunate as God." (M. Twain)

If Christ were to appear here now, in any case, he would not be a Christian. (M. Twain)

If it's forbidden to smoke in heaven, I don't want to go there. (M. Twain)

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans

I live at the beginning of the world, I would first listen to what the neighbors say about the murder of Abel before loudly condemning Cain. (M. Twain)

From the bones of St. Dionysius, which we saw in Europe, if necessary, it would be possible, in my opinion, to assemble his skeleton in two copies. (M. Twain)

Sometimes blasphemy brings relief that even prayer cannot. (M. Twain)

When you read the Bible, you are more surprised at God's ignorance than at his omniscience. (M. Twain)

Favorite torture of the Inquisition - one foot here, the other there

Favorite torture of the Inquisition - one foot here, the other there

Methuselah lived 969 years. You, dear boys and girls, will see more in the next ten years than Methuselah saw in his entire life. (M. Twain)

It often seems to me that it would have been better if Noah and his crew were late for their ark. (M. Twain)

We don't talk about faith when it comes to saying that two plus two makes four, or that the earth is round. We speak of faith only when we want to replace evidence with feeling. (M. Twain)

Dial a command to sail to heaven and try to make a stop in hell for two and a half hours, just to get coal, and I'll be damned if some son of a bitch doesn't stay on the shore. (M. Twain)

It's a good idea to check the weather forecast before you start praying for rain. (M. Twain)

The unshakable faith of a Christian who has four ties in his hands. (M. Twain)

Not a single sinner was saved after the first twenty minutes of the sermon. (M. Twain)

No other books bring in such income as the Bible, and also obscene books, or rather, other obscene books. (M. Twain)

Need nails. For Christ's sake!

Need nails. For Christ's sake!

Very few sinners were saved after the first twenty minutes of the sermon. (M. Twain)

Why is it called prayer when you talk to God, but when God is with you it is called schizophrenia?

Heaven and hell differ only in the software supplier

Heaven is better in terms of climate, but company is better in hell. (M. Twain)

Religious tolerance has been achieved only because we have ceased to attach as much importance to religion as before. (M. Twain)

Chance is a pseudonym for God when he doesn't want to sign (Anatole France)

To create a man was a glorious and original idea. But to create a sheep after that meant to repeat. (M. Twain)

Now I see that I was mistaken about Eve: it is better to live outside of paradise with her than without her - in paradise. (M. Twain)

The devil doesn't have a single paid assistant, while the Opposite Side has a million. (M. Twain)

I have two Gods: Pushkin, Tolstoy. And the main one? I'm afraid to think about him. (F. Ranevskaya)

A person is accepted into the bosom of the church for what he believes, and expelled from there for what he knows. (M. Twain)

I do not intend to spoil relations with either heaven or hell - I have friends in both places. (M. Twain)

Funny, funny, witty, comic phrases, aphorisms, sayings and quotes:

The more often a person remembers God in his speeches, the more diligently I watch my wallet.
Mark Twain, writer

03

There is no God in my theory, because I did not need this hypothesis.
Pierre Laplace, astronomer

04

Blind faith has very evil eyes.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec, poet

05

The words of faith are often repeated, not because they are true, but because they are often repeated.
Oscar Wilde, writer

06

Religious beliefs are a great excuse to do bad things to people.
Richard Aldington, writer

07

A church is a place where gentlemen who have never been to heaven tell stories about them to those who will never get there.
Henry Mencken, literary critic

08

Faith is something that lies on one side of the scale, while reason always lies on the second.
Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

10

You can explain to a Martian the existence of gas stations. But it will be very difficult to explain to him why all these churches are needed.
John Updike, writer

12

By teaching religion in schools, these, to put it mildly, church bastards want to lure the souls of children.
Vitaly Ginzburg, physicist

13

What magnificent fools religion makes of men!
Ben Johnson, playwright

15

There is too little love and goodness in the world to lavish on imaginary beings.
Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher

16

I suppose I would be a good Christian, but the church did everything to turn me into a complete atheist.
Friedrich Schiller, playwright

17

Civilization will not reach perfection until the stone of the last church falls on the head of the last priest.
Emile Zola, writer

19

The absence of God is difficult to prove. If I assume that there is a porcelain teapot flying around the Sun in an orbit between Earth and Mars, no one can disprove it, especially if I carefully add that it is so small that even the most powerful telescopes cannot see it.
Bertrand Russell, mathematician

21

God is a plug for the hole of the unknown.
Anatoly Lunacharsky, politician

22

The Christian concept is disgusting. It makes of God either embodied anger, and, moreover, infinite anger, which created thinking beings in order to make them forever unhappy, or embodied impotence and dementia, unable to either predict or prevent the misfortunes of its creatures.
François Voltaire, philosopher

23

The blood shed by the worshipers of the God of Mercy and Peace since the introduction of His religion would perhaps be enough to drown the adherents of all other sects living on the globe.
Percy Shelley, poet

24

Reason is the main enemy of any faith.
Martin Luther, priest

26

Religion has always seemed indecent to me.
Ingmar Bergman, director

27

If God exists, then atheism certainly offends him less than religion.
Jules Goncourt, writer

29

Thank God I'm an atheist!
Luis Bunuel, director

31

I am sure that a serious scientist who studies the laws of nature or human society, will not be able to maintain faith, because everything around will dissuade him in the dogmas learned from childhood.
Umberto Eco, writer

33

All thinking people are atheists.
Ernest Hemingway, writer

34

Piety finds such excuses for evil deeds, which a simple honest man would not find.
Charles Montesquieu, philosopher

35

No religion can do anything for humanity.
Stanislav Lem, writer

37

If you look at the ratio of all living beings in the world, it turns out that the Lord loves microbes and insects most of all.
Conrad Lauren, biologist

38

Prayer is a demand to change all the laws of the Universe for the sake of one, clearly unworthy, petitioner.
Ambrose Bierce, journalist

40

Religion is regarded by ordinary people as truth, by smart people as a lie, and by the government as a useful thing.
Edward Gibbon, historian

42

You shouldn't believe in something just because it would be terrible if it didn't exist.
Jean Rostand, biologist

43

Religiosity is just one of the by-products of our species behavior. Pretty bad, I must say.
Ernst Mayr, zoologist

44

It's amazing how all these priests and soothsayers, looking at each other, can keep from laughing.
Cicero, politician

45

The people positively demand that they be deceived, otherwise it is impossible to deal with them.
Synesius, Bishop

47

To call believers donkeys is unfair, for donkeys are never so stubborn.
Luis Vélez de Guevara, writer

48

Whoever has science does not need religion.
Johann Goethe, poet

50

I never tried to find God, believing that if He is as smart as he is described, he will be able to find me himself.
Isaac Asimov, physicist

51

There is nothing more remarkable than the spread of religious unbelief that I am seeing in the world today.
Charles Darwin, biologist

52

You ask me what I think about the sweet feeling of absolute faith? I think this is absolutely horrible and categorically unacceptable.
Kurt Vonnegut, writer

• In the words "god" and "religion" I see darkness, gloom, chains and a whip. Belinsky V. G.
• AT dark times peoples were best guided by religion, because in complete darkness the blind man is the best guide: he distinguishes the road and paths better than the sighted. However, it is truly foolish, when it is daylight, to still use old blind men as guides. Heine G.
• The greatest strife produces fewer crimes than religious fanaticism. Voltaire
• All beliefs are wrong. Knowledge is a completely different thing.
• All thinking people are atheists. Ernest Hemingway
• All religions are based on the fact that the majority of people are afraid of death, and the minority cleverly use this fear. Stendhal
• The whole history of the church is a mixture of delusion and violence. Goethe I.
• Every religion is nothing but a fantastic reflection in the minds of people of those external forces that dominate them in their Everyday life, - a reflection in which earthly forces take the form of unearthly ones. Engels F.
• Where morality is established on theology, and law on divine decrees, the most immoral, unjust and shameful things can be justified and substantiated. Feuerbach L.
• Down with the mind! - this is the basis of religion. Holbach P.
• The clergy would be very dissatisfied if their spiritual work were paid spiritually. Holbach P.
• If God exists, then atheism certainly offends him less than religion. Jules Goncourt
• If science proves that any of the tenets of Buddhism are wrong, then Buddhism will have to change. Dalai Lama XIV
• When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad things, I feel bad. Here is my religion. Abraham Lincoln.
• Whoever raises his house from the vine, Who harnesses the old horse to the plow, Whoever lets his wife on the pilgrimage - He twists a noose to himself, a simpleton. Chaucer J.
• The monastery is a dungeon where those thrown overboard by society are cast. Didro D.
• How many terrible atrocities religion has pushed people to! Lucretius
• Is it not surprising that people so often fight for religion and so rarely live according to its precepts? Lichtenberg G.
• Ignorance is the first prerequisite of faith, and that is why the Church values ​​it so highly. Holbach P.
• A certain joker correctly noted that "the true religion is always the one on whose side the sovereign and the executioner are." Holbach P.
• Take away the fear of hell from a Christian, and you take away his faith. Didro D.
• Turn over the history of all the peoples of the earth: everywhere religion turns innocence into a crime, and the crime declares innocent. Didro D.
• Our lives should be preaching, not our words. Jefferson T.
• Religions - one and all - are ridiculous: their morality is designed for children, their promises are selfish and monstrously stupid. Maupassant G.
• Religions, like chameleons, take on the color of the soil on which they live. France A.
• Religious beliefs are a great excuse to do bad things to people. Aldington R.
• Religion is a disease of the soul. Swift D.
• Religion is nothing but the art of occupying the limited mind of man with a subject which he cannot understand. Holbach P.
• Religion is the opium of the people. Marks K.
• Religion prevents people from seeing because, under pain of eternal punishment, it forbids them to see. Didro D.
• Religion needs the eternal darkness of ignorance, need, technical helplessness, lack of culture. Feuerbach L.
• Religion is a bridle for people who are unbalanced in character or crushed by the circumstances of life. Holbach P.
• Religion is contrary to morality in that it is contrary to reason. The feeling of goodness is closely related to the feeling of truth. The corruption of the mind entails the corruption of the heart. Whoever deceives his mind cannot have a sincere, honest heart ... Feuerbach L.
• Religion consoles only those who are unable to embrace it as a whole; vague promises of rewards can only tempt those who are unable to reflect on the repulsive, deceitful, and cruel character attributed by religion to God. Holbach P.
• Religion is the same as gambling: if you start out a fool, you end up a rogue. Voltaire
• Salvation is not in rituals, sacraments, not in the confession of this or that faith, but in a clear understanding of the meaning of one's life. L. N. Tolstoy
• Only an honest person should be an atheist. Didro D.
• Whoever has science does not need religion. Goethe I.
• The purpose of studying Buddhism is not to study Buddhism, but to study ourselves.
• A man in religion has eyes so as not to see, so as to remain blind; he has reason not to think, to remain stupid. Feuerbach L.
• The more limited the outlook of a person, the less he is familiar with history, nature and philosophy, the more sincere is his attachment to his religion. Feuerbach L.
• What does the history of religions teach us? That they fanned the flames of intolerance everywhere, littered the plains with corpses, watered the earth with blood, burned cities, devastated states; but they never made people better. Helvetius K.

Tags for quotes about religion: Religion

Insulting the feelings of believers is an ancient and respectable occupation, conducive to wit. We have collected the best statements of scientists, philosophers, poets and politicians, many of whom were not even convinced atheists, but for the sake of a red word they did not spare the eternal Father. (We immediately warn you: the court for this article should not be filed against us, but against them.)

01
The more often a person remembers God in his speeches, the more diligently I watch my wallet.
Mark Twain, writer

02
Benjamin Lang

03
There is no God in my theory, because I did not need this hypothesis.
Pierre Laplace, astronomer

04
Blind faith has very evil eyes.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec, poet

05
The words of faith are often repeated, not because they are true, but because they are often repeated.
Oscar Wilde, writer

06
Religious beliefs are a great excuse to do bad things to people.
Richard Aldington, writer

07
A church is a place where gentlemen who have never been to heaven tell stories about them to those who will never get there.
Henry Mencken, literary critic

08
Faith is something that lies on one side of the scale, while reason always lies on the second.
Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

09
Stephen Fry

10
You can explain to a Martian the existence of gas stations. But it will be very difficult to explain to him why all these churches are needed.
John Updike, writer

11
Guy de Maupassant

12
By teaching religion in schools, these, to put it mildly, church bastards want to lure the souls of children.
Vitaly Ginzburg, physicist

13
What magnificent fools religion makes of men!
Ben Johnson, playwright

14
John Fowles

15
There is too little love and goodness in the world to lavish on imaginary beings.
Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher

16
I suppose I would be a good Christian, but the church did everything to turn me into a complete atheist.
Friedrich Schiller, playwright

17
Civilization will not reach perfection until the stone of the last church falls on the head of the last priest.
Emile Zola, writer

18
Sigmund Freud

19
The absence of God is difficult to prove. If I assume that there is a porcelain teapot flying around the Sun in an orbit between Earth and Mars, no one can disprove it, especially if I carefully add that it is so small that even the most powerful telescopes cannot see it.
Bertrand Russell, mathematician

20
Denis Diderot

21
God is a plug for the hole of the unknown.
Anatoly Lunacharsky, politician

22
The Christian concept is disgusting. It makes of God either embodied anger, and, moreover, infinite anger, which created thinking beings in order to make them forever unhappy, or embodied impotence and dementia, unable to either predict or prevent the misfortunes of its creatures.
François Voltaire, philosopher

23
The blood shed by the worshipers of the God of Mercy and Peace since the introduction of His religion would perhaps be enough to drown the adherents of all other sects living on the globe.
Percy Shelley, poet

24
Reason is the greatest enemy of any faith.
Martin Luther, priest

25
Albert Einstein

26
Religion has always seemed indecent to me.
Ingmar Bergman, director

27
If God exists, then atheism certainly offends him less than religion.
Jules Goncourt, writer

28
Ivan Turgenev

29
Thank God I'm an atheist!
Luis Bunuel, director

30
Thomas Edison

31
I am sure that a serious scientist who studies the laws of nature or human society will not be able to maintain faith, because everything around him will dissuade him in the dogmas learned from childhood.
Umberto Eco, writer

32
Hugo Steinhaus

33
All thinking people are atheists.
Ernest Hemingway, writer

34
Piety finds such excuses for evil deeds that a simple decent person would not find.
Charles Montesquieu, philosopher

35
No religion can do anything for humanity.
Stanislav Lem, writer

36
Bernard Show

37
If you look at the ratio of all living beings in the world, it turns out that the Lord loves microbes and insects most of all.
Conrad Lauren, biologist

38
Prayer is a demand to change all the laws of the universe for the sake of one, clearly unworthy, petitioner.
Ambrose Bierce, journalist

39
Somerset Maugham

40
Religion is regarded by ordinary people as truth, by smart people as a lie, and by the government as a useful thing.
Edward Gibbon, historian

41
Bjork

42
You shouldn't believe in something just because it would be terrible if it didn't exist.
Jean Rostand, biologist

43
Religiosity is just one of the by-products of our species behavior. Pretty bad, I must say.
Ernst Mayr, zoologist

44
It's amazing how all these priests and soothsayers, looking at each other, can keep from laughing.
Cicero, politician

45
The people positively demand that they be deceived, otherwise it is impossible to deal with them.
Synesius, Bishop

46
Jack Nicholson

47
To call believers donkeys is unfair, for donkeys are never so stubborn.
Luis Vélez de Guevara, writer

48
Whoever has science does not need religion.
Johann Goethe, poet

49
Stendhal

50
I never tried to find God, believing that if He is as smart as he is described, he will be able to find me himself.
Isaac Asimov, physicist

51
There is nothing more remarkable than the spread of religious unbelief that I am seeing in the world today.
Charles Darwin, biologist

52
You ask me what I think about the sweet feeling of absolute faith? I think this is absolutely horrible and categorically unacceptable.
Kurt Vonnegut, writer

53
Giordano Bruno

54
The religion of mortals induces great atrocities.
Lucretius, poet

55
With some certain inclinations towards a vegetative life, a hermit, instead of an angel, can turn into a cucumber. This is an occupational risk.
André Frossard, journalist

56
The most important task facing religion today is to disappear as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Joseph Dietzgen, philosopher

57
It is strange that all religions devote so much time to miracles, while every schoolchild knows that a miracle, that is, a violation of the laws of the Universe, is impossible.
Max Planck, physicist

58
Winston Churchill

59
For you I am an atheist, but for God I am a constructive opposition.
Woody Allen, director

60
The power of the priest depends on the superstition and stupid credulity of peoples. He doesn't need them to be enlightened at all. The less they know, the more submissive they are to his decisions.
Claude-Adrian Helvetius, philosopher

61
If you read the Bible with open eyes, you will see that it was written by people, and very unpleasant and poorly educated people.
Robert Ingersoll, lawyer

62
Vissarion Belinsky

63
The ancients, observing the phenomena of nature - thunders, lightnings, eclipses of the moon and the sun, were horrified and believed that the reason for this was the gods. They did not understand that there is nothing in the world other than them that would be endowed with a divine nature.
Democritus, philosopher

64
The Lord from the almighty helmsman gradually turns into the disappearing smile of the cosmic Cheshire Cat.
Julian Huxley, writer

65
Apparently, God deliberately made people so gullible so that it would be easier for priests to deceive them.
George Halifax, politician