Married a divorcee. Men's Opinion: Six Good Reasons Not to Marry a Divorced Woman with a Child

One way or another, there are a lot of divorcees with children in our country. Want to make sure? It is enough to go to any dating site and set the search criterion as “a woman over 25 years old”. Just keep in mind that not everyone writes in the questionnaire about the presence of children. We will not consider the reasons for the prevalence of this phenomenon in this article (chapter), we will focus on analyzing the characteristics of a certain average woman with a child (children) and clarify for ourselves her suitability as a wife.

Reason one

And she is simple: in fact, a child or even children.
After all, you like a woman, why should this fact make it necessary to take on the burden of raising someone else's child? Women, as practice has shown, immediately rush with accusations of the "selfishness" of such a position.

Yes, a man should be selfish, in the good sense of the word. He is simply obliged to take care of the continuation of HIS family, the best conditions for his family, for his own children.

From time to time the women talk. No, no, let something like fly out of their mouths: “Yes, it makes no difference to a peasant whether his child is or not. Even better: behind the most problematic age. Yes, there are differences for men. And what else!

Every normal man (and this is the law of nature) strives to raise HIS children, to pass on from generation to generation his skills, knowledge, wisdom, property. But I want to do this only for the sake of blood heirs, those children in whom one can observe their own traits and traits of their kind.

Moreover, the law of nature requires the male to spread his seed, his genes wherever possible. But the adoption of other people's children is contrary to the very nature of a man. I’m not afraid of criticism and I will give an example from the life of the wild: lions first of all kill the children of their female from a past “marriage”.

Other people's children in themselves are the clearest reminder of a woman's past belonging to another man.

We want to ask those women who blame men for not wanting to marry a divorcee with a child: are you ready to raise a man’s children from past marriages?

Reason two

Marrying a woman with a child is simply unnatural. In the normal course of things, a woman enters a man's house and a new family is formed with a man at the head. In the case of a divorce with children, a man enters an already existing (inferior) family, where a woman is at the head. Thus, from the very beginning, the traditional, natural family hierarchy is violated, at the head of which is a man, husband, father of the family. This circumstance in itself calls into question the strength of such a family. It is unlikely that a building based on a “crooked foundation” will be durable.

In itself, joining a man to an already existing family strikes at his pride and, to a large extent, determines the nature of the relationship between spouses: a woman is in a state of stable dominance.

Know: for a divorce with a child, you will always be in third place: she, the child, you. Only in this order. And this is at best. For very often the role of a surrogate male head of the family is performed by the woman's mother. She is an unconditional ally of a woman in a past divorce, and, often, an instigator of it.

“The point is not even in the “hierarchy” as subordination, but in the priorities of divorce. She almost completely transfers her “failed” love for her husband to the child, especially if it is a son (their words are “I have the most beloved and faithful man, and all the rest are kazly”). Mom, who helps, also becomes a bastion of reliability. Well, a woman always remembers about herself, her beloved. Thus, in order for the new man to be able to push them all off their "pedestals", the divorced woman must either fall VERY strongly in love (which is unlikely, since spiritual energy will be spent primarily on the child anyway), or really RETHINK her own priority system, to understand that a normal (!) man will not be content with at least the 4th place in her life.”

Reason three

Very often, a woman with a child, seeking to remarry, is looking, first of all, for a supplier of material resources who will help her put her child (children) on their feet. In relation to this task, the personality of the man himself goes to the tenth plane. This is a completely understandable motivation for a woman, but, of course, a male candidate for husbands will not be initiated into her essence. From the point of view of a woman, everything is logical and fair, as it should be: "a man must provide for a woman and children." The only question is why this man.

Reason four

The fact is that the very fact of a woman's divorce is a huge minus for her. Let me explain: even if we accept that her “goat-ex-husband” is to blame for everything in the world (a very common characteristic of an ex-spouse presented to a potential new chosen one - by the way, a good indicator, beware!), Then the woman is at least to blame for that that she chose such a husband for herself and such a father for her children.

“In any woman, by nature, there is a mechanism for choosing a strong, intelligent and high-quality male, therefore, in choosing a partner, women are guided by marriage with a real man (nature has never set such a task for a man). Therefore, it is the woman who is responsible for the wrong choice of husband and divorce.

In practice, both spouses are to blame for the destruction of relationships. However, the woman is more responsible for the psychological climate in the family. Consider what is behind her divorce. Inability to build or maintain relationships? Bad temper? Extreme selfishness? Excessive demands on a man? Irresponsibility? Treason? The low value of the family as such in her eyes? Don't know. In any case, some of the above is present to one degree or another, and more often - all of the above in varying proportions and relationships. Recall the statistics: 75-80% of divorces occur precisely at the initiative of women.

“The fact that divorced women for the most part are useless wives, on whom life itself has already put a grade III mark, is not a stamp, but life's realities”

Most women do not have a critical mind, and it is unlikely that a divorcee has drawn the right conclusions from her divorce. Women often like to repeat that "all people are different, she just could not be lucky with her husband." As a rule, they themselves sincerely believe in such “bad luck”. It is very difficult for a woman to admit her own guilt in divorce, as in everything else. Almost impossible.

“Unfortunately, women often go the wrong way, and society strongly encourages them in this. In the media, the situation when a man and a woman divorce much more often is interpreted in the vein that you are so hot, and the man did not appreciate it, etc., etc. Films, books, talk shows (this is generally a separate conversation) , advice from friends (stupid and, as a result, just as unsettled), songs ... Everywhere the same thing - "Divorced? You're right!" There is not even a hint of an analysis of the situation, and attempts to draw the right conclusions from it.

Reason five

Let's start with a quote:

“A divorced woman who has a child (this is what we mean by the word - a divorcee) is no longer as naive and pure as a girl who does not have negative life experience (it's not about virginity).
Of course, life experience does not hurt anyone, BUT ONLY IF THE RIGHT CONCLUSIONS ARE MADE FROM IT. Otherwise, the experience is not only not useful, BUT ALSO HARMFUL, as it leads to excessive suspicion, callousness, mercantile attitude towards men and other nuances of character that will not help, but harm divorce in life.

In other words, a divorce is far from being a “blank sheet of paper”.

In service - a ready-made and tested set of manipulative templates, a whole arsenal of behavioral schemes of a defensive-offensive nature, prejudice and suspicion. Of course, this applies to far from stupid women, but what can you do if they are the vast majority.

“The breakup of a marriage in itself indicates the presence of pathologies in her psyche, congenital or acquired (for every taste - from bitchiness to the search for a prince and hidden hatred of men).
On average, a divorced woman has more cockroaches in her head than an unmarried woman. Are they crushed - most likely not.

John Vasilyevich

Reason six

And the last one. In any undertaking, one should take into account the likely prospects. In the case of marrying a divorced woman with a child, a lot of pitfalls are possible. Well, here are a few at a glance:

Relations with the child (children) will not work out, the possible jealousy of the child or his unwillingness to see someone else in the place of his father;

Pedagogical “triangle”: you can’t let go of everything and forgive the child, but you also can’t go too far and, thus, run into the discontent of the mother, who suspects you of being biased towards someone else’s child;

There are quite a lot of cases when a woman considers her mother's program already completed and they ignore the desire of a man to have common children;

Having the biological father of the child(ren) somewhere near your family is unlikely to enrich your family life positive moments;

All attempts to talk about the shortcomings of divorced women as potential brides, most often, are perceived by the women themselves with hostility, enrage them. The counterarguments, if they can be considered as such, look something like this:

“But my girlfriend / sister / acquaintance / I myself got married with a child (children), they live happily, he loves the child (children) very much” and all that. So “the main thing is love, it’s very easy for a divorced woman to marry with a child.” Here you are very mistaken. Rather, you are deceiving yourself: the fact is that the main property of exceptions is that they catch the eye, attract attention and remain in memory for a long time. Yes, there are such examples, and you call them excitedly. Forget about one thing: you did not count those who did NOT MARRIED divorcees with children, and I assure you there are hundreds of times more of them.

Women in general very often give out Wish for reality; the truth of a statement in the eyes of a woman often directly depends on whether she likes it or not. Divorced women and women who allow a divorce in the future really like the idea that a divorcee with children has the SAME CHANCES of getting married, they are psychologically more comfortable thinking that this is true, but the truth desire this "equality of chance" does not, alas.

A “real man” (with a breath and an impressive accent pause!) Will love the children of the woman he loves, only such a “real man” is capable of such love, care, tenderness, dedication, etc. (drool to taste). Weak people, “muschshchinki” are not capable of such love, of a real feeling. ”

This should be answered: “Ladies, dear, don’t try to speculate with this hackneyed pseudo-concept” a real man”, because in your eyes the “realness” of a man lies in the satisfaction of your own “wants”, in accordance with your settings and, often, in submission to you and under your control. Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not such a “real” in your eyes, I am sure that I will never be like that, as well as millions of other men. Do not waste your time, energy and words on juicy epithets and “guesses” about ourselves, our sexual orientation, the severity of childhood, resentment towards women, etc. Better devote these minutes to your children.

Section: Articles and notes

Subject: divorce

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From the men's site

Original taken from http://masculist.ru/blogs/post-12.html

Lots of letters but interesting

Dmitry Seleznev - Six reasons not to marry a divorcee with a child

I strongly do not recommend considering RSP as candidates for a serious long-term relationship. I will list the main reasons and comment on them with quotes from http://www.antiwomen.ru/

Reason 1
And she is simple: in fact, a child or even children. After all, you like a woman, why should this fact make it necessary to take on the burden of raising someone else's child? Women, as practice has shown, immediately rush with accusations of the "selfishness" of such a position.

Yes, a man should be selfish, in the good sense of the word. He is simply obliged to take care of the continuation of HIS family, the best conditions for his family, for his own children.

From time to time the women talk. No, no, let something like fly out of their mouths: “Yes, to a peasant, what difference does it make, his child or not. Even better: behind the most problematic age. Yes, there are differences for men. And what else!

Every normal man (and this is the law of nature) strives to raise HIS children, to pass on from generation to generation his skills, knowledge, wisdom, property. But I want to do this only for the sake of blood heirs, those children in whom one can observe their own traits and traits of their kind.

Moreover, the law of nature requires the male to spread his seed, his genes, wherever possible. But the adoption of other people's children is contrary to the very nature of a man. I’m not afraid of criticism and I’ll give an example from the life of the wild: lions first of all kill the children of their female from a past “marriage”.

Other people's children in themselves are the clearest reminder of a woman's past belonging to another man.

We want to ask those women who blame men for not wanting to marry a divorcee with a child: are you ready to raise a man’s children from past marriages?

Reason 2
Marrying a woman with a child is simply unnatural. In the normal course of things, a woman enters a man's house and a new family is formed with a man at the head. In the case of a divorce with children, a man enters an already existing (inferior) family, where a woman is at the head. Thus, from the very beginning, the traditional, natural family hierarchy is violated, at the head of which is a man, husband, father of the family. This circumstance in itself calls into question the strength of such a family. It is unlikely that a building based on a “crooked foundation” will be durable.

In itself, joining a man to an already existing family strikes at his pride and, to a large extent, determines the nature of the relationship between spouses: a woman is in a state of stable dominance.

Know: for a divorce with a child, you will always be in 3rd place: she, the child, you. Only in this order. And this is at best. For very often the role of a surrogate male head of the family is performed by the woman's mother. She is an unconditional ally of a woman in a past divorce, and, often, an instigator of it.

“The point is not even in the “hierarchy” as subordination, but in the priorities of divorce. She almost completely transfers her “failed” love for her husband to the child, especially if it is a son (their words are “I have the most beloved and faithful man, and all the rest are kazly”). Mom, who helps, also becomes a bastion of reliability. Well, a woman always remembers about herself, her beloved. Thus, in order for the new man to be able to push them all off their “pedestals”, the divorced woman must either fall VERY strongly in love (which is unlikely, because spiritual energy will be spent on the child anyway), or really RETHINK her own system priorities in order to understand that a normal (!) man will not be content with at least the 4th place in her life.
BoMG

Reason 3
Very often, a woman with a child who wants to get married again is looking, first of all, for a supplier of material resources who will help her, put her child (children) on their feet. In relation to this task, the personality of the man himself goes to the 10th plane. This is a completely understandable motivation for a woman, but, of course, a male candidate for husbands will not be initiated into her essence. From the point of view of a woman, everything is logical and fair, as it should be: "a man must provide for a woman and children." The only question is why this man.

Reason 4
The fact is that the very fact of a woman's divorce is a huge minus for her. Let me explain: even if we accept that her “goat-ex-husband” is to blame for everything in the world (a very common characteristic of an ex-spouse presented to a potential new chosen one - by the way, a good indicator, beware!), Then the woman is at least to blame for that that she chose such a husband for herself and such a father for her children.

“In any woman, by nature, there is a mechanism for choosing a strong, intelligent and high-quality male, therefore, in choosing a partner, women are guided by marriage with a real man (nature has never set such a task for a man). Therefore, it is the woman who is responsible for the wrong choice of husband and divorce.
Smart ass

In practice, both spouses are to blame for the destruction of relationships. However, the woman is more responsible for the psychological climate in the family. Consider what is behind her divorce.
Inability to build or maintain relationships? Bad temper? Extreme selfishness? Excessive demands on a man? Irresponsibility? Treason? The low value of the family as such in her eyes?
In any case, some of the above is present to one degree or another, and more often - all of the above in varying proportions and relationships. Recall the statistics: 75-80% of divorces occur precisely at the initiative of women.

“The fact that divorced women for the most part are useless wives, on whom life itself has already put a grade III mark, is not a stamp, but life's realities.”
Smart ass

Most women do not have a critical mind, and it is unlikely that a divorcee has drawn the right conclusions from her divorce. Women often like to repeat that "all people are different, she just could not be lucky with her husband." As a rule, they themselves sincerely believe in such “bad luck”. It is very difficult for a woman to admit her own guilt in divorce, as in everything else. Almost impossible.

“Unfortunately, women often go the wrong way, and society strongly encourages them in this. In the media, the situation when a man and a woman get divorced much more often is interpreted in the vein that you are so hot, but the man did not appreciate it, etc. and so on. Movies, books, talk shows (this is generally a separate conversation), advice from girlfriends (stupid and, as a result, just as unsettled, and not experts ), songs…
Everywhere the same thing - “Divorced? You're right!" There is not even a hint of an analysis of the situation, and attempts to draw the right conclusions from it.”
Smart ass

Reason 5
Let's start with a quote:
“A divorced woman who has a child (this is what we mean by the word - a divorcee) is no longer as naive and pure as a girl who does not have negative life experience (it's not about virginity).
Of course, life experience does not hurt anyone, BUT ONLY IF THE RIGHT CONCLUSIONS ARE MADE FROM IT. Otherwise, the experience is not only not useful, BUT ALSO HARMFUL, as it leads to excessive suspicion, callousness, mercantile attitude towards men and other nuances of character that will not help, but harm divorce in life.
Smart ass

In other words, a divorce is far from being a “blank sheet of paper”.

In service - a ready-made and tested set of manipulative templates, a whole arsenal of behavioral schemes of a defensive-offensive nature, prejudice and suspicion. Of course, this applies to far from stupid women, but what can you do if they are the vast majority.

“The breakup of a marriage in itself indicates the presence of pathologies in her psyche, congenital or acquired (for every taste - from bitchiness to the search for a prince and hidden hatred of men). On average, a divorced woman has more cockroaches in her head than an unmarried woman. Are they crushed - most likely not.
John Vasilyevich

Reason 6
In any undertaking, one should take into account the likely prospects. In the case of marrying a divorced woman with a child, a lot of pitfalls are possible. Well, here are a few at a glance:

6.1. Relations with the child (children) will not work out, the possible jealousy of the child or his unwillingness to see someone else in the place of his father;

6.2. Pedagogical “triangle”: you can’t let go of everything and forgive the child, but you also can’t go too far and, thus, run into the discontent of the mother, who suspects you of being biased towards someone else’s child;

6.3. There are quite a lot of cases when a woman considers her mother's program already completed and they ignore the desire of a man to have common children;

6.4. The presence of the biological father of the child (children) somewhere near your family is unlikely to enrich your family life with positive moments;

Etc. It is almost impossible to accurately predict all the possible problems that may arise in the way of such a family.

All attempts to talk about the shortcomings of divorced women as potential brides, most often, are perceived by the women themselves with hostility, enrage them. The counterarguments, if they can be considered as such, look something like this:

“But my girlfriend / sister / acquaintance / I myself got married with a child (children), they live happily, he loves the child (children) very much” and all that. So “the main thing is love, it’s very easy for a divorced woman to marry with a child.”
Here you are strongly deceiving yourself: the fact is that the main property of exceptions is that they catch the eye, attract attention and remain in memory for a long time. Yes, there are such examples, and you call them excitedly. Forget about 1: you did not count those who did NOT MARRIED divorcees with children, and I assure you there are hundreds of times more of them.

Women in general very often give out Wish for reality; the truth of a statement in the eyes of a woman often directly depends on whether she likes it or not. Divorced women and women who allow divorce in the future really like the idea that a divorcee with children has THE SAME CHANCES of getting married, it is psychologically more comfortable for them to think that this is so, but this “equality of chances” does not make true a strong desire, alas.

"A real man"(with a breath and an impressive accent pause!) will love the children of the beloved woman, only such, "real" and capable of such love, care, tenderness, dedication, etc.(drool to taste) . Weak people, “muschchinki” are not capable of such love, of a real feeling.

This should be answered: “Ladies, dear, don’t try to speculate with this hackneyed pseudo-concept of a “real man”, because in your eyes the “real” of a man lies in satisfying your own “wishlist”, in accordance with your settings and, often, in submission to you and under your control.

Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not such a “real” in your eyes, I am sure that I will never be like that, = like millions of other men. Do not waste your time, energy and words on juicy epithets and "guesses" about ourselves, our sexual orientation, the severity of childhood, resentment towards women, etc. Better give these moments to your children.

… And 7 reason do not marry a divorcee with a child:

... last year's potatoes were crushed on the counter. Why is no one taking it? And then she came up with a formula for herself - "it's not the buyers who go past her, but she lies past them."

One way or another, there are a lot of divorcees with children in our country. Want to make sure? It is enough to go to a dating site and set the search criterion as “a woman over 25 years old”. Just keep in mind that not everyone writes in the questionnaire about the presence of children. We will not consider the reasons for the prevalence of this phenomenon in the post, we will focus on analyzing the characteristics of a certain average woman with a child and clarify for ourselves her suitability as a wife.

Reason one

And she is simple: in fact, a child or even children. After all, you like a woman, why should this fact make it necessary to take on the burden of raising someone else's child? Women, as practice has shown, immediately rush with accusations of the "selfishness" of such a position.

Yes, a man should be selfish, in the good sense of the word. He is simply obliged to take care of the continuation of HIS family, the best conditions for his family, for his own children.

From time to time the women talk. No, no, let something like fly out of their mouths: “Yes, it makes no difference to a peasant whether his child is or not. Even better: behind the most problematic age. Yes, there are differences for men. And what else!

Every normal man (and this is the law of nature) strives to raise HIS children, to pass on from generation to generation his skills, knowledge, wisdom, property. But I want to do this only for the sake of blood heirs, those children in whom one can observe their own traits and traits of their kind.

Moreover, the law of nature requires the male to spread his seed, his genes wherever possible. But the adoption of other people's children is contrary to the very nature of a man. I’m not afraid of criticism and I will give an example from the life of the wild: lions first of all kill the children of their female from a past “marriage”.

Other people's children in themselves are the clearest reminder of a woman's past belonging to another man.

We want to ask those women who blame men for not wanting to marry a divorcee with a child: are you ready to raise a man’s children from past marriages?

Reason two

Marrying a woman with a child is simply unnatural. In the normal course of things, a woman enters a man's house and a new family is formed with a man at the head. In the case of a divorce with children, a man enters an already existing (inferior) family, where a woman is at the head. Thus, from the very beginning, the traditional, natural family hierarchy is violated, at the head of which is a man, husband, father of the family. This circumstance in itself calls into question the strength of such a family. It is unlikely that a building based on a “crooked foundation” will be durable.

In itself, joining a man to an already existing family strikes at his pride and, to a large extent, determines the nature of the relationship between spouses: a woman is in a state of stable dominance.

Know: for a divorce with a child, you will always be in third place: she, the child, you. Only in this order. And this is at best. For very often the role of a surrogate male head of the family is performed by the woman's mother. She is an unconditional ally of a woman in a past divorce, and, often, an instigator of it.

“The point is not even in the “hierarchy” as subordination, but in the priorities of divorce. She almost completely transfers her “failed” love for her husband to the child, especially if it is a son (their words are “I have the most beloved and faithful man, and all the rest are kazly”). Mom, who helps, also becomes a bastion of reliability. Well, a woman always remembers about herself, her beloved. Thus, in order for the new man to be able to push them all off their “pedestals”, the divorced woman must either fall VERY strongly in love (which is unlikely, since mental energy will be spent primarily on the child anyway), or really RETHINK her own priority system, to understand that a normal (!) man will not be content with at least the 4th place in her life.”
BoMG

Reason three

Very often, a woman with a child, seeking to remarry, is looking, first of all, for a supplier of material resources who will help her put her child (children) on their feet. In relation to this task, the personality of the man himself goes to the tenth plane. This is a completely understandable motivation for a woman, but, of course, a male candidate for husbands will not be initiated into her essence. From the point of view of a woman, everything is logical and fair, as it should be: "a man must provide for a woman and children." The only question is why this man.

Reason four

The fact is that the very fact of a woman's divorce is a huge minus for her. Let me explain: even if we accept that her “goat-ex-husband” is to blame for everything in the world (a very common characteristic of an ex-spouse presented to a potential new chosen one - by the way, a good indicator, beware!), Then the woman is at least to blame for that that she chose such a husband for herself and such a father for her children.

“In any woman, by nature, there is a mechanism for choosing a strong, intelligent and high-quality male, therefore, in choosing a partner, women are guided by marriage with a real man (nature has never set such a task for a man). Therefore, it is the woman who is responsible for the wrong choice of husband and divorce.
Smart ass

In practice, both spouses are to blame for the destruction of relationships. However, the woman is more responsible for the psychological climate in the family. Consider what is behind her divorce. Inability to build or maintain relationships? Bad temper? Extreme selfishness? Excessive demands on a man? Irresponsibility? Treason? The low value of the family as such in her eyes? Don't know. In any case, some of the above is present to one degree or another, and more often - all of the above in varying proportions and relationships. Recall the statistics: 75-80% of divorces occur precisely at the initiative of women.

“The fact that divorced women for the most part are useless wives, on whom life itself has already put a grade III mark, is not a stamp, but life's realities”
Smart ass

Most women do not have a critical mind, and it is unlikely that a divorcee has drawn the right conclusions from her divorce. Women often like to repeat that "all people are different, she just could not be lucky with her husband." As a rule, they themselves sincerely believe in such “bad luck”. It is very difficult for a woman to admit her own guilt in divorce, as in everything else. Almost impossible.

“Unfortunately, women often go the wrong way, and society strongly encourages them in this. In the media, the situation when a man and a woman get divorced much more often is interpreted in the vein that you are so hot, but the man did not appreciate it, etc. and so on. Films, books, talk shows (this is generally a separate conversation), advice from girlfriends (stupid and, as a result, just as unsettled), songs ... Everywhere is the same thing - “Divorced? You're right!" There is not even a hint of an analysis of the situation, and attempts to draw the right conclusions from it.
Smart ass

Reason five

Let's start with a quote:

“A divorced woman who has a child (this is what we mean by the word - a divorcee) is no longer as naive and pure as a girl who does not have negative life experience (it's not about virginity).
Of course, life experience does not hurt anyone, BUT ONLY IF THE RIGHT CONCLUSIONS ARE MADE FROM IT. Otherwise, the experience is not only not useful, BUT ALSO HARMFUL, as it leads to excessive suspicion, callousness, mercantile attitude towards men and other nuances of character that will not help, but harm divorce in life.
Smart ass

In other words, a divorce is far from being a “blank sheet of paper”.

In service - a ready-made and tested set of manipulative templates, a whole arsenal of behavioral schemes of a defensive-offensive nature, prejudice and suspicion. Of course, this applies to far from stupid women, but what can you do if they are the vast majority.

“The breakup of a marriage in itself indicates the presence of pathologies in her psyche, congenital or acquired (for every taste - from bitchiness to the search for a prince and hidden hatred of men). On average, a divorced woman has more cockroaches in her head than an unmarried woman. Are they crushed - most likely not.
John Vasilyevich
Reason six

And the last one. In any undertaking, one should take into account the likely prospects. In the case of marrying a divorced woman with a child, a lot of pitfalls are possible. Well, here are a few at a glance:

Relations with the child (children) will not work out, the possible jealousy of the child or his unwillingness to see someone else in the place of his father;

Pedagogical “triangle”: you can’t let go of everything and forgive the child, but you also can’t go too far and, thus, run into the discontent of the mother, who suspects you of being biased towards someone else’s child;

There are quite a lot of cases when a woman considers her mother's program already completed and they ignore the desire of a man to have common children;

The presence of the biological father of the child (children) somewhere near your family is unlikely to enrich your family life with positive moments;

All attempts to talk about the shortcomings of divorced women as potential brides, most often, are perceived by the women themselves with hostility, enrage them. The counterarguments, if they can be considered as such, look something like this:

“But my girlfriend / sister / acquaintance / I myself got married with a child (children), they live happily, he loves the child (children) very much” and all that. So “the main thing is love, it’s very easy for a divorced woman to marry with a child.” Here you are very mistaken. Rather, you are deceiving yourself: the fact is that the main property of exceptions is that they catch the eye, attract attention and remain in memory for a long time. Yes, there are such examples, and you call them excitedly. Forget about one thing: you did not count those who did NOT MARRIED divorcees with children, and I assure you there are hundreds of times more of them.

Women in general very often give out Wish for reality; the truth of a statement in the eyes of a woman often directly depends on whether she likes it or not. Divorced women and women who allow divorce in the future really like the idea that a divorcee with children has THE SAME CHANCES of getting married, it is psychologically more comfortable for them to think that this is so, but this “equality of chances” does not make true a strong desire, alas.

A “real man” (with a breath and an impressive accent pause!) will love the children of the woman he loves, only such a “real man” is capable of such love, care, tenderness, dedication, etc. (drool to taste). Weak people, “muschshchinki” are not capable of such love, of a real feeling. ”

This should be answered: “Ladies, dear, don’t try to speculate with this hackneyed pseudo-concept of a “real man”, because in your eyes the “real” of a man lies in satisfying your own “wants”, in accordance with your settings and, often, in submission to you and control over you. Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not such a “real” in your eyes, I am sure that I will never be like that, as well as millions of other men. Do not waste your time, energy and words on juicy epithets and "guesses" about ourselves, our sexual orientation, the severity of childhood, resentment towards women, etc. Better give these moments to your children.

You probably mean the following words of Jesus Christ:

Onion. 16:18 Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman with her husband commits adultery.

God in His Word of the Bible clearly said about marriage:

Matt. 19:6 They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate(see also Gen. 2:24).

According to the Bible, there is only one the reason for divorce is the betrayal of the other side. These are the same words of Jesus as in Luke. 16:18, retold by the apostle Matthew:

Matt. 19:9 Who divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another, he commits adultery

Naturally, the same rule applies to women. They do not have the right to divorce, except for the reason of the adultery of the spouse.

As for the prohibition to marry a divorced woman or to marry a divorced one, it cannot be taken literally, referring to all causes of divorce. Look carefully where Jesus' phrase begins.

Matt. 19:9 but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife NOT FOR adultery and marry another, THAT commits adultery; AND whoever marries a divorcee commits adultery.

The Lord says that if a man gets divorced NOT FOR cause of adultery, but simply for the sake of leaving for another woman, then he commits adultery. And of course, the woman who prompted him to such an act - to leave his family and go to her - is committing a great sin.

The same applies to women - about what AND it says in the second part of the verse, in continuation to the first: if a wife divorces in order to simply go to another without the cause of her husband's adultery, then she commits adultery. Of course, the man who forced her to leave the family is also committing adultery. That's what we're talking about here.

However, if the husband (wife) has died or the spouse has left the other half, then those who have married a widower (widow) or an abandoned (left) are not adulterers. This has never been said in the commandments of God.

As for your situation, you have one Christian way out: for a man to reconcile with his wife. This was taught by the apostles under the influence of the Holy Spirit:

1 Cor. 7.10 And to those who are married, I do not command, but the Lord: a wife not to divorce her husband, - 11 if she gets divorced, then she must remain celibate, OR RECONCILE with her husband, - and the husband must not leave his wife.

Naturally, what is necessary for women, then for men.

If his wife cheated on him, then, of course, it is up to him to decide ... But let me remind you that God taught to forgive.

Matt. 6:14 For if you forgive people their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.

I would like to note that the Lord forbade divorce is not accidental. Any people can find a common language and live happily if they try to live according to God's rules: to forgive without waiting for an initiative of reconciliation from the other side; yield first, without thinking why I should do it; not to seek their own, but common interests; try to do something pleasant for your soulmate not on merit, but just like that ... etc. By doing this, people become truly close, as the Bible says, "one flesh." Moreover, they begin to love each other, even if the first passion has long since died out.

Moreover, the preservation of marriage is possible even if only one of the spouses begins to live according to God's principles. The Lord in this case begins to touch the heart of the second spouse.

Experienced people will say that it makes no sense to get divorced, referring to the shortcomings of the second half. The fact is that the next spouse (wife) will have, if not such, then other shortcomings, most likely even to a greater extent than the previous one. After all, there are no sinless people. And so a person who does not believe in the Lord tries several times to look for a new chosen one, until he realizes that it is impossible to find an ideal ... Or it will be too late - no one will take him (her) as a husband (marry) again. Turning back like this, a person sees that he has changed several spouses ... At the same time, at every divorce there were tears, unhappy children, he burdened the division of property ... And why all this suffering, if everything repeats in a new marriage? And only when a person understands that the whole point is not in the second spouse, but in himself, and begins to act according to God's wisdom (sometimes even being an unbeliever), then the marriage becomes last and strong.

Valery Tatarkin

Here => others

One way or another, there are a lot of divorcees with children in our country. Want to make sure? It is enough to go to any dating site and set the search criterion as “a woman over 25 years old”. Just keep in mind that not everyone writes in the questionnaire about the presence of children. We will not consider the reasons for the prevalence of this phenomenon in this article (chapter), we will focus on analyzing the characteristics of a certain average woman with a child (children) and clarify for ourselves her suitability as a wife.

Reason one

And she is simple: in fact, a child or even children. After all, you like a woman, why should this fact make it necessary to take on the burden of raising someone else's child? Women, as practice has shown, immediately rush with accusations of the "selfishness" of such a position. Yes, a man should be selfish, in the good sense of the word. He is simply obliged to take care of the continuation of HIS family, the best conditions for his family, for his own children.

From time to time the women talk. No, no, let something like fly out of their mouths: “Yes, it makes no difference to a peasant whether his child is or not. Even better: behind the most problematic age. Yes, there are differences for men. And what else!

Every normal man (and this is the law of nature) strives to raise HIS children, to pass on from generation to generation his skills, knowledge, wisdom, property. But I want to do this only for the sake of blood heirs, those children in whom one can observe their own traits and traits of their kind. Moreover, the law of nature requires the male to spread his seed, his genes wherever possible. But the adoption of other people's children is contrary to the very nature of a man. I’m not afraid of criticism and I will give an example from the life of the wild: lions first of all kill the children of their female from a past “marriage”.

Other people's children in themselves are the clearest reminder of a woman's past belonging to another man.

We want to ask those women who blame men for not wanting to marry a divorcee with a child: are you ready to raise a man’s children from past marriages?

Reason two

Marrying a woman with a child is simply unnatural. In the normal course of things, a woman enters a man's house and a new family is formed with a man at the head. In the case of a divorce with children, a man enters an already existing (inferior) family, where a woman is at the head. Thus, from the very beginning, the traditional, natural family hierarchy is violated, at the head of which is a man, husband, father of the family. This circumstance in itself calls into question the strength of such a family. It is unlikely that a building based on a “crooked foundation” will be durable.

In itself, joining a man to an already existing family strikes at his pride and, to a large extent, determines the nature of the relationship between spouses: a woman in a state of stable dominance in relation to a man.

Know: for a divorce with a child, you will always be in third place: she, the child, you. Only in this order. And this is at best. For very often the role of a surrogate male head of the family is performed by the woman's mother. She is an unconditional ally of a woman in a past divorce, and, often, an instigator of it.

Reason three

Very often, a woman with a child, seeking to remarry, is primarily looking for a supplier of material resources who will help her put her child or children on their feet. In relation to this task, the personality of the man himself goes to the tenth plane. This is a completely understandable motivation for a woman, but, of course, a male candidate for husbands will not be initiated into her essence. From the point of view of a woman, everything is logical and fair, as it should be: "a man must provide for a woman and children." The only question is, why does a man need it?

Reason four

The fact is that the very fact of a woman's divorce is a huge minus for her. Let me explain: even if we accept that her “goat-ex-husband” is to blame for everything in the world (a very common characteristic of an ex-spouse presented to a potential new chosen one - by the way, a good indicator, beware!), Then the woman is at least to blame for that that she chose such a husband for herself and such a father for her children.
In practice, both spouses are to blame for the destruction of relationships. However, the woman is more responsible for the psychological climate in the family. Consider what is behind her divorce. Does she not know how to build or maintain relationships? Bad temper? Extreme selfishness? Excessive demands on a man? Irresponsibility? Treason? Betrayal ex-husband? Lack of Faith? Egocentric? Pride? Lack of basic concepts and values ​​in life? The low value of the family as such in her eyes? Or maybe all together?

In any case, some of the above is present to one degree or another, and more often - all of the above in varying proportions and relationships. Recall the statistics: 75-80% of divorces occur precisely at the initiative of women.
Most women do not have a critical mind, and it is unlikely that a divorcee has drawn the right conclusions from her divorce. Women often like to repeat that "all people are different, she just could not be lucky with her husband." As a rule, they themselves sincerely believe in such “bad luck”. It is very difficult for a woman to admit her own guilt in divorce, as in everything else. Almost impossible.

Reason five

Let's start with a quote:
“A divorced woman who has a child (this is what we mean by the word divorce) is no longer as naive and pure as a girl who does not have negative life experience (it's not about virginity).
Of course, life experience does not hurt anyone, BUT ONLY IF THE RIGHT CONCLUSIONS ARE MADE FROM IT. Otherwise, the experience is not only not useful, BUT ALSO HARMFUL, as it leads to excessive suspicion, callousness, mercantile attitude towards men and other nuances of character that will not help, but harm divorce in life.

In other words, a divorce is far from being a “blank sheet of paper”.

In service - a ready-made and tested set of manipulative templates, a whole arsenal of behavioral schemes of a defensive-offensive nature, prejudice and suspicion. Of course, this applies to far from stupid women, but what can you do if they are the vast majority.

Reason six

And the last one. In any undertaking, one should take into account the likely prospects. In the case of marrying a divorced woman with a child, a lot of pitfalls are possible. Well, here are a few at a glance:
- Relations with the child (children) will not work out, the possible jealousy of the child or his unwillingness to see someone else in the place of his father;
- Pedagogical "triangle": you can’t let everything down and forgive the child, but you can’t go too far and, thus, run into the dissatisfaction of the mother, who suspects you of being biased towards someone else’s child;
- There are quite a lot of cases when a woman considers her mother's program already completed and ignore the desire of a man to have common children;
- The presence somewhere near your family of the biological father of the child (children) is unlikely to enrich your family life with positive moments;
And so on. It is almost impossible to accurately predict all the possible problems that may arise in the way of such a family.
All attempts to talk about the shortcomings of divorced women as potential brides, most often, are perceived by the women themselves with hostility, enrage them.

Women in general very often give out Wish for reality; the truth of a statement in the eyes of a woman often directly depends on whether she likes it or not. Divorced women and women who allow divorce in the future really like the idea that a divorcee with children has THE SAME CHANCES of getting married, it is psychologically more comfortable for them to think that this is so, but this “equality of chances” does not make true a strong desire, alas.
A “real man” (with a breath and an impressive accent pause!) will love the children of the woman he loves, only such a “real man” is capable of such love, care, tenderness, dedication, etc. (drool to taste). Weak people, “muschshchinki” are not capable of such love, of a real feeling. ”

This should be answered: “Ladies, dear, don’t try to speculate with this hackneyed pseudo-concept of a “real man”, because in your eyes the “real” of a man lies in satisfying your own “wants”, in accordance with your settings and, often, in submission to you and control over you. Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not such a “real” in your eyes, I am sure that I will never be like that, as well as millions of other men. Do not waste your time, energy and words on juicy epithets and "guesses" about ourselves, our sexual orientation, the severity of childhood, resentment towards women, etc. Better give these moments to your children.