How to support a man in a difficult situation. Proper support of a man is a real mastery of a woman
“How to properly support a man during a period when he has difficulties with professional self-realization? My boyfriend has good job but he doesn't feel happy there. And now he is in a state of depression all the time.
I see how he despairs, trying to come up with an interesting application in life. He has been looking for more than a year and does not find his favorite pastime. Depressed mood has a bad effect on everything else. He is constantly sad at home, depressed. I worry about him and for the fact that I don’t know how to help him find his favorite job.
I understand that a favorite job for a man in life is very important, so my heart is also restless because of his dissatisfaction in life.
Tell me how to behave in such a situation? Love more, pay more attention and warm? Something for him to seek and advise? Leave him alone? I really want to understand how a wise, experienced woman would act in my situation ... "
How to support a man in this situation?
To do this, it is worth understanding what is happening to him, to designate not “difficulties with professional self-realization”, but promiscuity.
And you need to shake your man and not condone the debauchery into which he dived headlong.
What is clear from your story?
With some thought, your man decided that he could sit down and quickly figure out an interesting activity for himself. And this is where it doesn't work. And now he is in anguish, so that everyone can see how important it is for him to have an interesting occupation in life! What is his number one goal! That is why suffering is so bitter and long!
Yes, this, of course, is a passion, how important it is to burn, so that everything can be easily and brilliantly argued, and the society for this occupation would pay off a lot of money. Who doesn't want this?
And now you have to somehow, sitting by the window, dodge and discover in yourself a talent for something and instantly shine there.
Is it real?
From the point of view of an experienced woman, this is an empty idea. You won't be able to instantly shine anywhere. Only where it is planned to invest. And it takes ten years to invest in order to achieve brilliant results. And three or four years to get to the good ones. Therefore, with a running start it will not be interesting anywhere. It's interesting - after all, in the brain of many it is interpreted as "easy". Right?
And on any path you will have to plow, practically not getting results for a long time (recognition and money). And only the most stubborn who are ready to painstakingly improve their professionalism for years and decades will reach the results (an interesting lesson).
Has your man ever moved long and hard towards a goal?
Most likely he had no such experience. Because stubborn men don't get depressed for a year. They sit down, evaluate their opportunities and prospects at their place of work, and if they understand that both are zero, then they make a decision and move to another place. Yes, at the first stage it is lower paid, because there are no skills yet, you still need to learn, but more promising for his abilities.
Depression this man says that he would like to painlessly change one life opportunity for another. Does not develop painlessly. Then he sits and takes offense at life, pretending that he is looking for something in agony, but he can’t find it. Yes, it won't. He is looking for, as it were, so deftly and without pain (without difficulties), so that on a white horse and in sparkles to enter a new life. And this, alas… At moments of fateful abrupt decisions in our lives, there are almost always kickbacks, because we have to go not along the path of evolution, but along the path of revolution: to reject the old and create the new from scratch. It's scary. I would like to somehow attach a closet on the side and so that the house immediately becomes a palace. Yes, it doesn't fit. And so in your head you twist this fantasy project and so on. And everything doesn't pan out. You all sit on the priest evenly and, so that at least some work is visible, you give out suffering to the mountain. Familiar Russian game. We must stop her.
The advice is this: Offer him, like a wise woman, to end the suffering - there is little sense from them, but great harm. Offer to spend your energy on building professionalism in your work. Grip your teeth and build up. Then it will get more interesting. Not in two days, of course. If the work is completely across his throat, then let him appoint another one in three days (no more). Once again I repeat - on the decision three days! After that, he will sit down and analyze what he needs in order to get this other one (it is quite possible that retraining, preparation of a springboard for two or three years), and engage in this preparation.
How can he tell if he loves someone else? No way. We can fall in love with what we have seriously invested in, where we have become aces.
To do this, to become an ace, the best choice is to hammer at one point, not for one year. And spend less time on suffering. Doesn't add this skill to male life. So inform him that this is not the most masculine thing to do, to sit and rot, believing that it looks like "a man is seriously thinking." He rots, but does not think! Here is what you tell him.
Say it with love.
Men think in action. Everything else is not a thought, but an escape from life. And the more a man goes away from life, the more he gets used to being a coward.
Do not reinforce the cowardice of your man! Do not cherish his melancholy and depression. And it’s not even an hour, he will like this game. take away beautiful name“Depression” and explain that this is ordinary cowardice, an ordinary fear of a difficult fate, resentment at life for a difficult fate.
So that he would be less offended and fantasize about a difficult fate, let him read books about those who lived at the turn of the years - read Bulgakov, Solzhenitsyn, Frankl. Then his life tasks will seem like a cakewalk to him.
In general, you have a serious and demanding conversation with your man. I wish you good luck in this conversation, from the bottom of my heart. Don't be afraid, talk. And, if he doesn’t hear, doesn’t understand, will continue to “jelly” and “rotten”, then again, don’t be a coward and end the relationship with the weakling. You still have children!
Supported by Vasilisa - wise of her lover, she received a husband-king. So how to support a man in a difficult situation? Remember how she won the love and respect of her husband?
Rule number one: don't panic!
A difficult situation can occur in the life of every man. It is characteristic that many of the men in such a situation behave much calmer and more restrained than women. They are more likely to withdraw into themselves than to complain about life to a friend of life who is already preoccupied with the household - children - work. For many women, this behavior of a spouse seems to be the first news that a husband or friend has a ... lover. Just do not arrange unpleasant tantrums and monstrous scenes of jealousy. Vasilisa - The wise one from fairy tales did not arrange tantrums and scenes. On the contrary, she caressed her beloved, asked questions slowly. So you, figure out how to support a man in a difficult situation? Do not get angry and do not panic, but on the contrary, try to give your loved one care and attention, unobtrusively find out what is happening to him, and if you can help him with anything.
Rule two: create comfort
All the same fabulous Vasilisa the Wise of her husband first soared in the bathhouse and fed a hearty dinner, and then she asked questions. So you support your loved one if he has trouble at work. Help him feel like a beloved father and husband. Prepare something tasty, for example, his favorite pies with cabbage. The tension caused by a difficult situation will help to relieve pleasant music and candles at dinner. A few drops of fragrant lavender oil added to bath salts and a warm bath will completely relax your man. A family walk in the park near the house will also be able to defuse the situation, by the way, completely free of charge! Here is your husband and distracted from sad thoughts. A fresh solution that can solve all problems will now appear for sure! To give the faithful self-confidence, iron his favorite shirt before work or help him type a report that is very important for him on the computer. After all, you still type faster than him?
Rule three: looking for non-standard solutions
Is the difficult situation related to a friend? How to support a man in this case? The main thing is to be careful in the comments. Try not to offend your husband, and at the same time, don't be too protective of his friend. When your man cools off, offer him the option of a truce with his friend - for example, go to a sports bar with families. A significant match will definitely unite the fans and help relieve the tension that has arisen between them. Remember, it's important to be tactful and not overdo it. Excessive effort in reconciliation of quarreling friends can cause jealousy of your man.
However, for each difficult situation there is a recipe for behavior, which depends on the situation itself, the character traits of your husband or friend. But there are things that need to be observed in any difficult situation. First, stay calm. This will help not provoke a conflict, and it will be easier for your friend, husband or lover to calm down. Secondly, learn to give your man enough attention. This will help to notice a difficult situation in time, support a loved one, help him cope. Remember - series, forums and a girlfriend, if anything, can wait.
Men by nature are fighters, earners and defenders of the family hearth. They are primarily responsible for their loved ones. Therefore, work, being a means of earning material resources necessary for life, plays a very important role for them. The troubles that have arisen, whether it is a petty quarrel with the boss or even dismissal, always have an extremely negative impact on their well-being and attitude, and not just on their mood. Someone loses his appetite and restful sleep, and someone does not imagine his further existence in the status of a “loser”.
Therefore, their companions should be as reasonable as possible in order not only to “smooth the corners”, but also to inspire them to new achievements, to become an indestructible stronghold for their chosen ones. Feeling sincere support and understanding from their beloved, they will find the strength to successfully overcome all adversity.
It is very important that a woman does not make gross mistakes that can only aggravate the situation. Therefore, we first consider a line of behavior that does not contribute to improving the situation.
How not to behave with a man during his crisis at work
- When a woman sees, and sometimes even feels, that her husband is in trouble, she immediately begins to press on him, trying to find out as much information as possible, after which, as a rule, she falls into a panic or depression if the problems are really serious. The man, in turn, feels even more guilty, so he has to restrain and hide his emotions. And this is fraught with even greater aggravation of his internal state.
- Many girls experience an all-encompassing feeling of pity for their unfortunate earner, which often leads to an intensification of his feelings of guilt. After all, in fact, men hate when they are frankly sorry. Because it directly humiliates their self-esteem. After all, but the representatives of the stronger sex have an internal setting to win. And when they are pitied, they are more likely to feel like the last losers.
- After learning about the troubles at work of their companion, some women are simply not able to cope with their emotions. They are immediately presented with terrible pictures of their immediate future: an unpaid loan, an empty refrigerator, a summer vacation in the country, and not in sunny Turkey. Panic is growing every day, which again affects the man. He blames himself for all the troubles, gets nervous and even more depressed.
- Often there are representatives of the fair sex who are morally ready to "pull on themselves" their chosen one and all the difficulties of their existence. They mentally agree that he became unemployed, starting to independently look for a way out of this situation. At the same time, with their companion, they behave deliberately calmly and cheerfully. But he sees the true picture of what is happening. He understands that he was deliberately assigned the role of a weakling who put all domestic problems on the fragile shoulders of his beloved. Therefore, such behavior does not inspire at all, but only irritates.
- And it happens that a woman wants to inspire her partner to new achievements by the example of other successful personalities. She tells in detail how her friend’s husband or friend built his own business, achieved amazing success at work, “flyed up” the career ladder in a few months. The most annoying thing is that she sincerely wants to support and cheer up her earner. But the effect is the opposite. A man feels insolvent, he rushes about in search of "at least something" so as not to stay at home at the mercy of his sympathetic and constantly "helping" wife.
How to support a man in a difficult situation?
- If you see that your husband has problems at work, do not rush to him with questions. First of all, give him a little "move away" from the situation. Make a delicious dinner, stay together, talk about abstract topics. Because pressure has never contributed to the resolution of difficult situations.
- When he calms down, it is likely that he himself will want to tell about everything. After all, not everyone has the opportunity to keep such a burden on their hearts for a long time. He says - you listen. Do not rush to insert your remarks, give a premature assessment of the situation and jump to conclusions, because you may be wrong. Your chosen one may think that you are ignoring his vision of the problem, after which he simply "closes in on himself." Therefore, listen to him carefully, let him speak freely.
- Has your chosen one told everything and is waiting for your comments? Now you can freely express your opinion. But, again, do not overdo it to scold or shield him. After all, he needs adequate support, not flattery or pressure. If similar situations happened to your friends, tell them, present your vision of a way out of this situation.
- Give your man a little vacation. If you have savings, it is worth going on a short trip, where he will be distracted from his worries, and also adequately look at the problem. It is likely that it is in a calm environment that he will come up with a plan for further action. But no, at home you can arrange relaxation for your spouse. The main thing is that it does not drag on for a long time.
May everything be fine with you!
A woman who truly loves her chosen one should, at every opportunity, contribute to his success in life. And this requires sensitivity, complete with a focus on results. I present to your attention a few recommendations: what to do and what not to do to help your husband achieve success.
Yes!
1. A loving wife who cares about the success of her husband should tactfully and unobtrusively help him increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Of course, unlimited praise is just as unhelpful as aggressive humiliation. You need to find a balance: while maintaining his self-confidence, tactfully remind the man that luck rarely comes by itself - most often it is the result of accumulated knowledge, experience and determination. It also does not hurt to tactfully, in between times, remind that “real men” usually do not succumb to difficulties.
2. Do not neglect the household component: in order for a man to be active, cheerful and successful, he needs to create comfortable conditions. Rational quality nutrition, order in the house, timely rest - these "little things" can become not only support, but also an inspiring factor. After all, it is much easier to go on a feat, knowing that warmth and comfort await you at home.
3. It is highly desirable to involve your man in healthy lifestyle life, to help fight bad habits (even such seemingly “harmless” ones as smoking or addiction to coffee). Try to involve him in morning exercises, and even better, instill an interest in morning jogging and evening walks in the fresh air, and maybe visiting the pool or gym.
4. If possible, help your chosen one to replenish their knowledge. There is no success without training, and in today's fast-paced world, an adequate, useful information- great value. Don't overdo it: no one likes people who teach others how to live. Instead of a lecture, share a book with a man on a topic that interests him or throw a link to a useful article. Wants to read.
5. A smart life partner will help her partner in every way to tune in to luck, victory and success. Perhaps this is the most important task: to constantly, but unobtrusively, remind your life partner that unlucky people actually simply do not exist - it is we who attract failures to ourselves and create luck.
Not!
1. A smart woman will not interfere with her partner to be himself. Don't customize it to fit the look you like or think is perfect. A man should develop in himself qualities that contribute to the realization of his main interests - this is his way, have respect and support his individuality.
2. You should not rush a man, wanting to see the end result as soon as possible. The secret of success is in the sequence of actions: you need to go from step to step, not running ahead, but not lagging behind. Remember: the hysteria on the topic “everyone already has it, but we have a full paragraph” can lead a person astray.
3. Dictatorial methods almost always generate rejection in a man. Therefore, your task is, first of all, to exterminate a tyrant and a despot from yourself and become what you want to see yourself: caring and loving. Only with love, tact and accuracy can you help a man determine his goals in life and find the roads that lead to their achievement.
4. A far-sighted and far-sighted woman will not stop the creative impulses of her faithful: let it seem to you that organizing hot air balloon flights over the Moscow Ring Road in winter is not the best business plan. But it’s still not worth it to sharply “cut off the shoulder” and criticize a man. Search is one of the stages of realizing success, and everyone has the right to it.
5. Do not start a home tradition of crying into each other's vests. Empathy is a feeling that does not have to be expressed in words. Easily, almost jokingly, stop a man’s attempts to whine and lament that “everything is bad” and “there is no chance”! Such conversations switch the brain to justifying their own failures, which can gradually become the norm. Failure is a temporary phenomenon that will soon pass, so is it worth wasting your energy on whining?
Trust in a family or in a relationship is already half the solution to any problem, because sometimes not the most pleasant events happen in life, and only those who know him well and control the situation can support a loved one. It is important to consider that men are stronger than women in need of support, no matter how strange it sounds. Let's find out why.
How to support a loved one?
Many problems men prefer to hide from us so as not to upset, or they believe that asking for support is a sign of weakness, and they do not want to look weak, so they convince themselves that they can handle it themselves.
But life can bring such unpleasant surprises that you really can’t do without the support of your beloved woman. And then men, contrary to their beliefs, share their doubts or experiences. Every woman knows how to support a loved one.
You have noticed a dramatic change in the behavior of a loved one. But... If you don't know the reason, don't interrogate or torture. It is very important now to restrain yourself and pause, showing the man that you are there in any case and are always ready to support your loved one;
Having dealt with the cause of men's trouble, it is probably easier for you, as a woman, to see the right decision because the problem affects you indirectly. The prudence of the female mind has no limits. You will definitely see a solution, and not one;
In a calm environment, take a moment to support your loved one, offer your loved one solutions, but do not convince him that you should do exactly as you said. Let him weigh everything himself and choose what is right;
Convince him that any choice he makes to solve the problem is the only right one, he is well done that he was able to make such an important and difficult decision. You knew he could handle it;
Don't be discouraged by any means. You have a lot of responsibilities that no one else can do for you. Yes, and for a loved one it will be better if he is sure that everything in the house goes on as usual. This is his rear;
Help and support your loved one as much as possible. All the time say kind words to him, do not push him away from you, since he is guilty. You must understand that no one is immune from troubles in life, and everyone makes mistakes. Tell your husband more often that there are no impossible tasks, but he is capable and smart, he can fix everything;
When it’s all over, tell the man that you didn’t even doubt for a second that everything would be fine and this is his merit.
How to support the beloved man?
Men from childhood are brought up strong in spirit and unshakable to the manifestations of feelings. But, unfortunately, there come moments in life when even the most persistent native of our men lose heart, and they need the support of their beloved wives and girls more than ever.
And only with complete trust and mutual understanding, men begin to fully open up and share their difficulties with close women. And it doesn’t matter how long you have been married, or your relationship is just starting, it is important that only you can support your beloved man at this moment.
Even in early childhood, we have a craving for parents, because these are not only relatives, but loved ones. And only next to them, any trouble seemed not so terrible and solvable.
It would seem that just a couple of words and a light stroking of my mother's hand on the head will save the whole world. But life goes on, the boys grow up and turn for such “help” to their beloved woman, who needs to support their beloved man.
And even if the men didn't say a word, real woman He will immediately understand everything, he will not ask too much, but will only sit next to him and wait. He will say, he will support, he will not say, he will support anyway.
Several ways to cheer up your beloved man:
Just take his hand and squeeze lightly. It is not necessary to press him all to yourself, it is enough to stroke his hand. Such a gesture does not insist on a complete outpouring of the soul, but shows that you are now nearby, and will always be there to support your beloved man;
Do not immediately ask him to tell him the reason for the disorder, let him be ready for the conversation himself. Just say that everything is fixable and, most importantly, that you are together, and this is already half the solution, they say “one head is good, but two is better”;
When a man shares his problem with you, let him speak in full, without interrupting or asking again. After listening to him, say that in resolving this issue, everything must be carefully weighed before acting and not doing stupid things;
Most importantly, when you tell a man your solution to a problem, do not force him to do exactly as you say. Believe me, he also has his options. Give him time to make a decision, because, after all, he is a man, and supporting a beloved man does not mean making a decision for him;
Convince him that no matter what decision your loved one makes, you will agree with him, support him and stay close;
For the entire period until the man has decided, or until the problem is being solved, try to take part in this process, showing my willingness to help. When everything gets better and gets back on track, thank him for behaving like a real man and making the right choice.
After the essence of the problem is clarified, the woman is able to increase confidence in the success of her man by saying that he can handle everything, and that there are no such problems that he cannot cope with, because she believes in him;
We understood the essence of the problem - do not pretend that you are frightened or shocked, do not throw a tantrum, your goal is to support your beloved man, and not to escalate panic. Women are no weaker creatures than men. And you are able to withstand all the difficulties, to be able to restrain yourself so that your man is sure that he did not make a mistake by telling you everything;
If you, as a wise woman, see several solutions to a problem, gently tell him. But do not insist on the impeccable choice of your option. Say that you will support his choice, whatever it may be;
Do not question his ability to solve everything himself. Specify that you are ready to support your beloved man, but do not plan to order him what to do. But it is very important to tell him that you will help. When a person solves a problem not alone, a positive result is always achieved;
While the man is busy solving the problem, you create conditions so that he does not feel dejected: a delicious lunch, appearance, a pleasant stay;
The main thing is not to lose heart yourself, because then it will be difficult to get you out of depression, and this will affect the whole family. Support each other.
Do men really cry?
It is believed that a man should not openly express his feelings, they say it is indecent, not accepted, they were not brought up for that. But, as life shows, men's tears are sadder and more painful than women's. Therefore, it is so important at critical moments to support your beloved man.
As a child, few of the guys managed to establish such a relationship with their mother when shedding tears was not considered humiliating. Such a mother knew the value of these tears and did not say anything, but simply sat next to her and pressed her son to her chest. But many were brought up in a tougher direction: a boy should grow up as a boy, and tears are girlish worries.
So it turns out that a man in hard periods it is difficult not only to shed a tear or explain clearly, it is generally difficult to talk about your feelings and experiences.
How to support your girlfriend
There are completely different situations in life, and in many of them you simply need this or that support from the outside. Very often we expect such support from the people closest to us, from the family, from a guy or a girl.
In the event that we fail to achieve the desired and not just desirable, but vital, we begin to slowly but surely move away from each other. If your girlfriend had a misfortune or she just Bad mood, you must certainly support your girlfriend.
How to support a girl is another question. It is about him that will be discussed below. Absolutely all women really want to see a strong and self-confident man next to them, who would literally idolize her, incredibly appreciate and, of course, love her deeply, and in difficult situations could support her beloved girl.
And she, for her part, would give him absolutely all of herself without a trace. It is the full support on his part that shows the correctness of the choice and the reliability of this person. After all, feelings are very good, but you won’t go far on feelings alone. Our life is filled with various events and not always all of them are purely positive.
To support your girlfriend, tell her that in any case you are on her side and ready for any action. This will help her open up and tell you what her problem is.
If the trouble happened through her own fault, do not tell her about it in the acute phase of the experience, you will draw conclusions later. For now, just offer to help, find words that can support your girlfriend in this particular situation.
If the conversation starts, try to look for a solution to the problem with her, two minds are always better than one. Then help her carry out your plan.
To support your girlfriend, try to distract her - take her to some interesting place, change the scenery, make her romantic or text her in the morning "everything will be fine, I know for sure!" or something similar. Such ways to support your girlfriend will not take you much time and effort, but you will be perceived by the girl as a reliable person who you can rely on.
