How does a person who lies behave. Why do people lie? Secrets of psychology
A person close to you constantly lies, and on trifles. Either he will say that he did not touch the jam, and there is an empty jar in the refrigerator, then he declares that he has been doing housework all day, and the sofa has not even cooled down yet ... How to respond to such a lie?
Everyone lies. People who claim to be honest at all times and in everything are arrogant liars. But it is one thing - a lie out of necessity, occasionally, in exceptional cases. And another thing is daily, petty and nasty.
After all, you wouldn’t have killed a child because he ate all the dumplings, so why is he lying that, they say, a friend came and swept everything clean? Wouldn't you make a scandal to your husband, who decided to take a break after work, for what purpose does he say that he started fixing the toilet?!
Wrong reaction
Your simplest and most natural reaction at the moment when they begin to tell you such tales is to catch a liar and, with an air of offended innocence, be offended for the whole evening or even for the whole week. Let him understand how wrong he was, let him realize his guilt and beg for forgiveness! If you behave in this way, then you risk falling into a trap. You begin to play the role of an Adult (according to Eric Berne), and your interlocutor automatically puts on the role of a Child. An adult scolds and teaches - The child makes excuses and dodges. And he continues to lie.
Even worse is that by constantly accusing a relative or friend of a lie, you become a victim, and there is nothing good in it. You get used to being the injured party, complaining that you feel bad, you are being deceived, you are not respected - and further down the list. Relations from this do not improve at all.
Why is he doing this?
Think instead why close person behaves like this? Perhaps his petty lies are to blame ... you yourself?
After all, a lie is a defensive reaction to an aggressive, alien society. And here is the question for you: why are you perceived as an aggressor? It turns out that they do not trust you because if they tell the truth (in principle, not terrible), a loved one is afraid:
“That you won’t understand him.
- That you won't hear him.
- That you will punish him, and seriously.
“That you will stubbornly insist that he do what he terribly does not want to do.
It turns out that you, who from the outside seem to be the victim of a liar, are in fact a tyrant and a dictator. That you are an insensitive person, not understanding, and not trying to understand anything. All this is unpleasant, isn't it?
How to respond to petty lies?
But no way. Pretend you didn't notice her. We assure you that the liar suffers even more than you do because of her lies. After all, in order to deceive, you have to strain, act, watch your facial expressions and eyes, but just try not to blush!
However, pretending that you did not notice the lies, think about this: what quality in you made the interlocutor lie? We offer options:
He lied that he didn’t go out with that nasty Mitka - I didn’t want you to criticize his friends again.
He lied that he didn’t eat cutlets - I didn’t want you to accuse him of gluttony again, because the cutlets are so tasty!
He lied that he tried to fix the phone - Didn't want you to call him armless again.
Already from these examples, you probably understood: if they lie to you, you should change. Trust your loved one more. Do not criticize aggressively. Believe in his strength and mind. If you try to carry out such inner work, perhaps in half a year you will hear from your child something like: “Remember, I told you about jam? So: I ate it myself!” These words will mean that you have finally won the trust of your close and dear person.
Daily. One of the most popular questions is “Why do people lie?”. Indeed, if you think about it, each of us lies, and every day, even the most honest and fair ..
Beautiful lies sometimes help move mountains, writes myjane. What compels people to resort to such a dubious method of psychological influence?
Peace of family and friends
Hiding the truth for the sake of the peace of mind of relatives or friends is considered somewhat noble. Bringing bad news is always difficult. How to tell a relative that he has an incurable disease, or tell a friend that her husband is cheating on her? It is better to lie and shift this burden onto the shoulders of someone else ...
This coin has two sides. On the one hand, you will really avoid conflict and will not become a messenger of trouble. On the other hand, how long can you pretend? There is no guarantee that when your girlfriend finds out that her husband betrayed her, and you were aware of this, she will understand and forgive everything. However, the truth will not be a guarantee of preservation either. good relations. Having opened the eyes of a friend to her other half, you will still remain a stranger who unceremoniously climbed into the family. Darlings scold - they only amuse themselves. Tomorrow they will reconcile, and you will turn into the worst enemy.
Own interests
We are all a little selfish. Therefore, the most common reason for lying is self-defense. Such a lie can be called instinctive - most often it is justified with phrases like "it happened." The child denies that he broke the sugar bowl because he is afraid of punishment. The subordinate deceives the boss, assuring him that the annual report is ready, because otherwise he will be fired from his job.
The worst case scenario: saving himself, a person denigrates the innocent. Of course, the second you're backed up against the wall, you don't think much about someone else's well-being. Your goal is to quickly get rid of suspicions and regain your good name. By doing this more than once, you risk losing the favor of others forever.
Traitors deserve special attention. If spontaneous betrayal can still be explained, then the behavior of a chronic womanizer-liar is bewildering. A free-loving person should stop hurting his wife and walk away, not lie about sudden business trips and regular deadlines.
Low self-esteem
Complexes sometimes become the reason for lies. The girl, whose classmates make fun of her plumpness, tries to stop ridicule with stories about crowds of fans. A guy who never manages to get a high-paying job constantly complains about the excessive demands of employers and the lack of necessary connections. No one wants to admit to helplessness or unattractiveness. Not everyone can overpower themselves and engage in self-improvement. It is much easier to lie, trying to rise in the eyes of others.
For the red word
It's only in the series that office intrigues boil all day long and husbands behave like fairy-tale princes. In reality, most of us live a home-work-home lifestyle, with occasional breaks to go shopping, to the movies, or to restaurants. So it turns out that during telephone conversation with a friend and there is nothing to talk about. The desire to slightly embellish your story is the most harmless lie in the world.
Why does a person exaggerate, retelling the events that happened to him? So that his story was interesting for the interlocutor, and did not cause yawning. Such a lie cannot be called self-serving - after all, you do not aim to extract any benefit. 80% of people regularly supplement their narrative with fictional details. Only every twentieth lies just like that, out of love for "art".
To please the opposite sex
Psychologists call this phenomenon the “first date lie.” No matter how much you like to tell the truth, during the candy-bouquet period, you are unlikely to resist the temptation to lie about the number of former partners, school successes and earnings. Hiding an overly turbulent personal life makes you afraid of seeming loose. It’s better for a new acquaintance not to know that in the fifth grade all the teachers affectionately called you “pampushka”. By adding ten to fifteen thousand to your salary, you emphasize your importance to colleagues and superiors.
There is only one "but" - keep in mind that your newly-made boyfriend is also not without sin. He tries to impress as much as you do. Do not be surprised when it turns out that the brand new foreign car was actually released in 1991, and " ex girlfriend, nothing serious ”- the official wife.
Whether a person lies or not depends on the situation and his personal characteristics (of course, if he is not a pathological liar). To prevent lying from becoming a bad habit, strictly dose it. best friends in this you will become a conscience and a sober mind. Analyze the consequences of every untruth you tell so that you are prepared to take responsibility for it.
Sometimes in life there are people who constantly lie. Sometimes for no reason. And sometimes, for some, as it seems to us, weighty reasons, we time ourselves. But why do people lie? How do psychologists explain this? We all come from a cloudless childhood. The answer to the question why people lie is to be found there. After all, we take many complexes into adulthood from wonderful childhood.
Why do people lie? Find out the reasons
Human psychology has a survival instinct, so we always try to survive at any cost, get out of any situation, stay alive, save our property, etc. That is why people lie - in a global sense. And it begins more and more often from childhood, when the child is afraid of punishment or displeasure of the parents.
Why do kids lie? The first reason may be the desire of the child to conform to the ideals of the parents. Then, on a subconscious level, he begins to exaggerate his successes, the process of constant deception is not noticeable. So this habit begins to accompany a person throughout his life. Then he deceives not only his parents, but everyone who is nearby.
The second reason comes from childhood - this is the encouragement by parents of children's fantasies. From the beginning, it seems that all this is innocent, but it is not noticeable that such favor of parents to children's fairy tales blurs the line with adult life. Fantasies become deceit, people lie from childhood, out of habit, to embellish the facts.
There is another option from childhood why people lie - copying the behavior of their parents. Adults do not notice themselves when they tell a lie to neighbors, relatives, relatives, and at the same time children are present. And kids like a blueprint absorb the behavior of adults. At the same time, they think that if adults can deceive, then why can't we.
Sometimes a person begins to deceive people as an adult. If a child simply fantasized, initially without any benefit for himself, then an adult is always engaged in deception for his own benefit. In the problem of why people lie and at the same time rarely experience a sense of shame, the solution must be sought in our way of life.
Man lies at work. Often, many employees of a bank, various financial institutions, firms have to deceive customers so that the company can earn more money. People lie because they have to. This is how their teachers teach them. For example, managers who issue loans, or often promote not very good products, with dubious composition. Top management does not think that a family that has taken a loan at crazy interest will have nothing to pay it off and there will be no money left for food.
A person begins to lie in order to seem more attractive to everyone. He says that he has the most expensive things and all the best and highest quality. When the truth is revealed, it is unpleasant. With such a pathological liar, any desire to communicate disappears.
Lies to save good intentions. Sometimes people lie because in some rare cases it is better not to tell the truth. For example: if such a truth can cause irreparable harm to someone. To do this, you need to think through the pros and cons if it comes out. Sometimes you have to resort to deception in order to help someone in something.
Why do men lie to women
Women girls, probably, will be able to come up with many versions on this topic, however, this question is still asked very often. Consider the most common versions from the point of view of psychology.
Men lie to look better. First of all, they do it in order to show themselves with better side than they really are.
They want to act in front of women in the role of "ideal", kind, courageous, affectionate, always able to come to the aid of the weaker sex. But this is how it all looks only before marriage, when they want to please their chosen one.
And it should be noted that such embellishment of oneself still works. Probably, many faced a situation when, before the wedding, he said that he loves children very much, he is ready to play with them all the time, and after it turns out that he does not need children at all and even interferes. But he won your attention and love in this way.
Then the men begin to lie to hide their affections on the side. It is inconvenient for him to tell his soul mate, with whom he is legally married, that he has fallen out of love with her, or maybe he just lacks violent emotions, and he is looking for them on the side. In such a situation, a man should not deceive and betray his family, but simply muster up the courage and talk with his soulmate.
To avoid conflict. Sometimes it is useful to tell a lie and this will not lead to a conflict situation. In some cases, the truth can "kill" and nullify all relationships. Lies in the name of peace can be justified, so men lie for the sake of peace.
Why do men lie about buying accessories for their hobby? Yes, because we females do not always approve of it. It is sometimes difficult for a woman to distinguish from family budget a certain amount of money for hunting or fishing supplies. And men are children. But the older they get, the more expensive the toys they buy. They want to buy this or that thing, but they are forced to hide it from the woman.
A habit from childhood that has passed into adulthood. Parents all the time inspired the boy that he should be the best in everything, and in response he learned to deceive them, telling lies about his successes.
The problem of the question of why men lie must be seen in the relationship of the sexes, and first of all, to figure out what exactly prompted the man to deceive. Every woman is able to make the relationship pure and honest by understanding her man. There is no need to put the stronger sex in an uncomfortable position, and then he will not begin to lie and invent "fairy tales" for the female.
Hearing a lie is always very unpleasant, especially when you know that you are being lied to. Let's take a closer look at how girls lie.
Why and how girls and women lie
Almost all women think that with their sexuality they can distract a man from anything and from anyone. So be on the lookout, if your lover is trying to move the topic in a different direction and at the same time shows her sexuality to everyone, then it is quite possible that she is lying to you.
The girl does not want to accept gifts from you, what can this mean? Either she no longer feels anything for you, or she did something very bad and that is why she is uncomfortable taking and accepting gifts from you. This happens because she feels guilty towards you, because you treat her so well.
If your chosen one starts to get angry just because you ask her about something, then the matter is definitely not clean here and the woman is lying. After all, you are really very dear to her, then she definitely does not want you to worry and worry once again. But if your girlfriend is angry just because you ask her questions, then you should consider whether she is lying to you at the moment.
Coughing, hesitations may also indicate that the girl is lying to you. No, of course, hesitation during a conversation does not mean anything, but if her tone of voice suddenly starts to change, then the matter is apparently not clean.
A woman's lips can also serve as a barometer of lies for you. If you ask her a question, and in response to your question, she presses her lips into a tube, as if she wants to kiss you, then you should not rejoice at this. Indeed, in fact, this may indicate that the woman is lying and your questions make her very nervous. In this case, you do not need to stop the conversation, continue, and maybe very soon you will be able to bring her to clean water.
Eyes, they say, they are the mirror of the soul, and this is true, because it is in the eyes of your beloved that you can understand whether she is lying to you or not. If during your conversation her eyes are running around, she is trying not to look you straight in the eyes, then she is ashamed of her act or she is hiding something from you. You can also understand that a girl (woman) is lying by her gestures, if she begins to carefully rub her eyes, then she is definitely trying to get away from the answer, and this conversation is not pleasant for her.
