Why are people kind? How to learn to understand people. Simple rules for every day
----> My daughter is 6 months old... She will probably become a neurasthenic like me....? My mother twitched me, since childhood, hysteria and neurosis. Now I am calm on my own, I have a lot of patience with my child, I don’t quarrel with my husband at all and we talk calmly and peacefully. But with mother ---->
---> simply ststematically as hello graphics it displays. Yell at her and shut up quieter than water, as they say. Time passes again, the dirt begins to breed and arise. The child hears these ora naturally. My husband’s very calmness has already become his mother-in-law himself -
---> to yell so that she does not behave like a teenager and does not ruffle our nerves. But he rarely does it, because it works. And I have to fight with her every day, otherwise everything will overgrow with shit, and the worst thing is that she starts to cling and pull on the smallest things just to start >
Yes, everything is simple, you have to live separately from your parents!
1godSladkiySaxa, I agree completely
-> interaction. She has neither a husband nor girlfriends in her life, she does not communicate with anyone at all. What to do, how to protect the child? She is 6 months old, I notice or it seems to me that she is starting to react ... DO NOT WRITE ABOUT PARTY, DO NOT PAY ATTENTION - this is garbage. -->
1godSladkiySaxa, wow, how easy! And my husband and I are fools, we suffer, we live, we didn’t guess! Would you mind tossing a couple of lemons on the ebook? Or can you help pay for the rent?
Crasa, well, there is no other way out! You are two adults and you can't get along! You understand that this all affects the child! So solve your problems or move out! And nothing is bullshit! The problem needs to be solved
IF IT WOULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE TO PARTY WE WOULD HAVE GUESSED LONG LONG AND DISTRATED
Crasa, well, you have to think with your head, limit yourself to some purchases for a couple of months! Or does the husband not work? Or will you not receive benefits? Does your husband have no home? Save money and leave! I myself went through the same, and nothing, we live separately!
1godSladkiySaxa, did you discover America for me? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT WE HAVE NO POSSIBILITY TO LIVE SEPARATELY??? WE ARE NOT STUPID PROBABLY WOULD LONG LONG SHOULD HAVE IF COULD!
Crasa, tryndets you are aggressive How do people live then? Filming, counting .... and we are filming with the child, because we want to live separately. not a stranger
And yes, it was difficult at first! I found a way to make money at home, my husband found a better job than the previous one! And we pulled a rented apartment! Especially when it comes to a child, when he sees all these scandals!
Crasa, well, then either the husband does not earn anything, or you have no desire! That's all!!!
1godSladkiySaxa, in what purchases? Do you know how much it costs to rent an apartment per month? Do you think that any family can afford it? You don't know our income, so don't tell us how we should think. I'm not going to argue, WRITTEN THIS IS NOT AN OPTION
1godSladkiySaxa, may not earn. So what? He is disabled. Have you calmed down? Has it become easier?
I also work at home. If it wasn't for my mother, I wouldn't be able to work. THEREFORE, I WRITE THAT WE CAN'T MOVE NOW AND IN THE FEAREST TWO YEARS EXACTLY
jusichka, I don’t know how anyone lives, everyone has their own income and their own situations
Crasa, but I don’t care at all) and who needs to calm down, it’s you! And probably not in vain Mom swears with you, you are not adequate! You are not going to solve the problem, you are stupidly complaining! Good luck
1godSladkiySaxa, if you think everyone is stupid and allow yourself to write in the style of "you need to think with your head", "yes, your husband doesn't earn anything", "yes, everything suits you" then go by!
Lord, you ask for advice and behave so aggressively, despite the fact that you say you are calm in life like a tank. There is no option to rent a house, exchange it. For two apartments. And live quietly for yourself, each in your own house, not flickering to the eye and not rattling your nerves.
Crasa, go calm down, she's calm! Everyone can see how calm you are!
Svetlana86, I answer the person who runs into. Apartment 1 k. Can you tell me how to exchange 1 k?
1godSladkiySaxa, why are you poking me? Communicate like a market
Crasa, because aggression is through the roof!!!
1godSladkiySaxa, count the number of your exclamation points? I said goodbye to you a long time ago, you have already insulted 10 times
Crasa, how do you all live in 1-room!? You'll go crazy there, that's for sure! In any case, you need to leave. You can’t decide everything peacefully, mom can come to help, there will be fewer scandals. And if you ask around friends, maybe someone rents? By acquaintance they don’t take so much
Haha) how did I offend! And exclamation points mean nothing! This is how I communicate! I humanly wrote everything, without any loonies! You took it as an attack! Reread
Or change with a surcharge for 2-ku. You can take a surcharge on a mortgage, it won’t be a big amount. Although you will be easier with your mother, everyone can close in their room ....
Svetlana86, we are already going crazy. Searched, thought, guessed. Shared room only. It's even worse.
Svetlana86, we lived with her in 3k. It was the same.
Then take her to a nursing home! Are you looking for this kind of advice?
Crasa, are you the only child in the family? And how old is your mother?
Svetlana86, yes, I'm alone. A lot to her. I thought about looking for a psychologist. But she doesn't hear anyone. She says something, after 5 minutes she yells that she did not say this. The apartment was registered on it after privatization.
I have a girlfriend, she divorced her daughter and lived with her mother. Always complained about her. Like she yells like a dog, curses me, doesn't want me to be happy. I was an unwitting witness to their scandal. 2 times. and I saw that my girlfriend was screaming there more, like a cut screaming
On the mother, shuts her up. Of course, her mother also has no sugar, but you can find a common language with her, I know her very well, but her daughter turned out to be even worse inadequate. I'm disgusted with her now. There's a lot to talk about, you can't describe it all here
She personally called her mother a bitch to me, I know that a couple of times she even raised her hand to her. And there, too, a girl grows up and sees it all. And he doesn't talk very well to his mother. Mentally broken. And in my opinion, in their situation, most of the blame is on a friend.
In front of her daughter, she says what a creature and bitch and fucked up her mother is. Daughter is 10 now. But this has been going on for 5 years already. I even told her, don't expect your daughter to treat you better than you do to your mother. She will be your reflection.
And I once told my mother on occasion that if I ever yell at you, give me a slap on the back of the head so that my eyes fly out. Of course, she will not do this, she will become rich, she will think about it all the time, cry and suffer. I don't want this for my mom. Of course
When you live together, different situations, in which both sides are not satisfied with something, but since there is no choice, then we must seek compromises and learn how to live together
AminaDochka, I'm tired of knocking on closed doors. All our friends, especially those who have known since childhood, tell me the same thing - she treats you like a step-mother. But I got used to it and didn’t see it. Now I see and remember my childhood. And there is.
AminaDochka, in a relationship, the two are always to blame, of course. I don’t want to communicate with her, I don’t talk, I avoid, and she starts to meddle even more about every little thing. It gets so bad that I start yelling to get behind. Helps for a while.
What is kindness? Let me ask. In what way does it manifest itself? How to notice kindness in an ordinary gloomy passer-by?
So why are people kind?
To fully answer the question of why people are kind, it is worth understanding first what kindness is. In fact, kindness (goodness) is a very broad and capacious concept. It consists of everything real, tender, bright, warm, light, clear. Kindness in the essence of a person is the same natural phenomenon as the desire to live, breathe, look, laugh, see. It is a reality that does not require any effort to create it. The transmission link of goodness is still a person. Very often human kindness is confused with weak character, weakness. But there are still some signs of genuine kindness. So good people
They are very sensitive by nature. They want all the people around them to have more positive, goodness in their lives. This sign should not be confused with loyalty at all. Fair criticism, as well as unfair attacks against them, they perceive easily. Such people, kind by nature, are always open to criticism, realizing that to some extent it is good for them. Later, when they figure out that the criticism against them was groundless (or had a reason), they will not have much claims against the person who criticized him (or simply take the information into account). Thus, they train humility in themselves.
The kindness of people is manifested in life in accordance with their knowledge and understanding of what is good and what is bad. Good people strive to understand how to do the right thing in life. They (like everyone else) equal everyone in themselves. “Well, it’s just trouble with these simple and kind people! They think they are all the same,” someone once said.
By nature, kind people are gentle with everyone. This does not mean at all that they do not love their children more than strangers. But if there are two children nearby - someone else's and one's own, then in order not to offend the latter, care for them will be exactly the same. This is what equal goodness is all about.
Such people always show kindness, and even when it is fraught with unpleasant consequences for them. Only sincere, bright and real people can help another to their own detriment.
And where is the planet of such people? As Exupery said: “We all come from childhood!” It is there that we all learn love, kindness and selflessness. So why are people kind? Yes, because others can not be! The light that comes from within cannot be hidden, hidden, blocked with boards. After all, it is customary to share what is. So they, good people, go through life, carry warmth with them and give it to those around them.
« The character of a person is a book in which there are many encrypted and lost pages” Oksana Sergeeva (author of psychological bestsellers).
Character- a set of mental properties that determine the way of life, human behavior, his attitude to his duties, to other people and to himself. A person's character most directly affects his personal life, relationships with other people, career and well-being.
We are taught mathematics, the Russian language, history, work at school, but they do not teach us to understand people at all, and yet in adult life we have to negotiate and negotiate every day: with our own children and parents, business partners, with loved ones and friends. Do you always succeed effectively?
There are many psychological tests that can be used to form a more or less objective picture of a person's character. But how wrote Arkady Petrovich Egides(PhD in Psychology and a specialist in family and sexology) in the book "How to learn to understand people": "... you will not offer tests to every person before you start communicating with him."
Our ideas about the world are only a part of this world, and not the world itself. Thinking about this position once, you, for example, will understand why, with the word "table" at different people associations arise. The masseur will immediately present - a massage table, your spouse - a kitchen table, you - a dining or writing table, a surgeon - an operating room. And this means that our different perceptions often become a stumbling block in constructive communication. And in order to better understand the interlocutor, you need to strive to expand the boundaries of your reality.
So, as you may have guessed, the ability to understand people is a whole science, having mastered which, you can quite easily find an individual approach to each person.
And first you need to make it a rule that life is always luck, and any communication is an art. The main thing is to correctly adjust the angle of view and always remember: only those who know how to get real pleasure from communicating with people achieve success.
If you have a desire to become successful, attract like-minded people, and also learn how to solve issues of any complexity by interacting with people, then this article is for you! In it, we have collected advice from the most famous experts in psychology. The article is aimed at helping to find an individual approach to people with different characters, moral values and life principles, which means making communication pleasant and useful. The original author's rules will help you learn with pleasure!
Mastery Laws
Oksana Sergeeva In the book How to Learn to Understand People, he offers 49 simple rules, using which you can “pick up the key” to the person with the most difficult character. She singles out people who are dominated by active emotions, whether it be joy, anger or anger, she calls them STENICS. And people experiencing such emotions as: sadness, despondency, melancholy, that is, emotions that suppress vigorous activity - ASTHENICS. It is very easy to distinguish them. For example, fear introduces the asthenic into a "stupor", but the sthenic, on the contrary, mobilizes all his capabilities at this moment. Often, communication difficulties arise if both types communicate with each other, that is, one of the interlocutors is a stenic, the other is an asthenic. Asthenics in appearance may seem unemotional people. You need to get used to the fact that their emotions are expressed in a boring way.
We decided in this article to highlight only some of the most important and useful, in our opinion, rules of the above-mentioned book:
Rule number 1. Approaching people without emotions
Such people show their emotions only in extraordinary, stressful situations. Masterfully hide their sympathy or dislike.
Non-emotional people express their attitude to the world differently than emotional people: not through emotions, but through thoughts. The approach to such people can be found quite simply - they need to be able to push them to tell about their impressions. But in the story, do not initially expect emotions; of course, only reasoned conclusions will be present in it.
Rule number 2. Dealing with negative people
People of this type, as a rule, are embittered at life and overwhelmed with negative emotions. They have conflicts with relatives, often dissatisfied with themselves.
You can’t ignore such a person, but on the contrary, you need to try in every possible way to help him relieve this stress - ask him why he is so upset, but in no case try to “get into the soul”. If a man will go to contact you, it means that you have already helped him a little.
Rule number 3. Approach to mood people
Each person has his own emotional background, which is called mood. In life, there are people with positive emotional background and negative. Of course, people of the first group are comfortable in communication, but to communicate with people who have forever Bad mood, not a pleasant occupation. Since any little thing, any detail can easily spoil them good mood. So, in a conversation, one should adhere to the tactics of "getting ahead of the interlocutor." For example, if you have to inform such a person of unpleasant news, it is better not to put it off indefinitely. If you report something unpleasant for him at the end of the conversation, then this person will have a residue about the whole conversation as a whole.
Rule number 4. Approach "to people with an explosive character"
A state of affect is an emotional outburst. An affect in severe forms can have very terrible consequences - in this state, people even go to murder. So, be moderately polite and friendly, even if communication with such a person does not give you any pleasure. Be also careful and diligent, for example, to the instructions of the boss, but also have your own opinion.
Rule number 5. Approach to people absorbing someone else's energy
The people so-called energy vampires", during communication with you can deprive you completely vital energy. Their features: too curious, want to know everything about you, try to touch you. In conversation, they can seem sweet and balanced. The best advice for communicating with them is to avoid all contact.
Rule number 6. Approach to people-manipulators
Their life is wonderful if they have found a loophole to other people's money, talent, fame. People of this type have, as a rule, an unpresentable appearance: "they are not handsome, but not bad-looking either." Dress casually. They do not differ in any outstanding quality.
It is common for them to beg for help for the last time, but you do not fall for provocations on their part, be firm and adamant.
Rule number 7. Approach to people who cross the boundaries of what is permitted in society
We are talking about people who are able to transgress the rules of higher morality, they are very dangerous for others. For them there are no authorities and principles. It is unpleasant to talk to such people.
It is best to exclude such a person from the circle of acquaintances, since such an acquaintance cannot lead to anything good.
Rule number 8. Approach to shy, timid, touchy people
These are people whom nature has not endowed with a strong-willed, strong character. These are people who are accustomed to having their parents do everything for them since childhood.
You need to be very careful with such people: do not succumb to their persuasions, tricks, otherwise you yourself will not notice how you will turn into a "wish maker".
Rule number 9. Approach to people with off-scale talent
Genius is in some way an anomaly, often bordering on insanity. For example, the famous artist Van Gogh created a large number of his works while in a psychiatric hospital.
When communicating with such people, do not forget to evaluate his talent. Geniuses, like children, also need constant recognition, and every time they are waiting for praise.
Rule number 10. Approach to people with an egocentric type of perception of reality
Such people are constantly striving to create comfort and convenience for themselves. In communication, egoists, leaders. But egoists are actually very vulnerable people: they are so proud that they may not notice the hostility or mockery of others. Compliments are the best medicine for selfish people.
So we got to the last point of our article, but swimming in the sea of effective successful communication does not end there. It is just beginning. I hope you get to know yourself better. And it's wonderful! After all, it is the best and most exciting activity on earth.
How to learn to understand yourself? Materials for answering this question are in.
