The best grandmothers according to the zodiac sign. funny
Strange story Benjamin Button: Capricorns are immediately born serious old women and begin to teach everyone how to live without getting up from the potty. And then - take a walk, flaw, the pension was accrued! The older Capricorn, the steeper it breaks away, and Capricorns live for a long time. And they will depart to another world, surrounded by a company of completely outsider young Gemini and Scorpios, who will vying with each other offer the last glass of rum to the beautiful grandmother who has raised them.
Aquarius
Aquarians of mature years are waiting for retirement, like manna from heaven: finally, everyone will leave them alone! Finally, it will be possible with a clear conscience not to do a damn thing and not be indebted to anyone! "Hooray!" - Aquarius thinks and enthusiastically indulges in idleness. Three weeks. Then he suddenly realizes that this dreary body is for at least the next 30 years, but this, to be honest, is unlikely: Aquarians, as a rule, live long and perfectly anticipate this. "Guard! This is torture! How can you do nothing for so many years?!” Aquarius thinks. What about grandchildren? It's, do not bring the Universe, they will ask you to sit with them ?! Well, I do not! In general, in retirement, Aquarians get a job. From where they, as a rule, are carried forward with their feet.
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Fish
Pisces are afraid of old age because they are afraid of getting old. And, imagine, they do not age: as they looked 10-15 years younger all their lives, they continue to do so. So Rybki, in fact, are not going to change anything until they are 90, but you can’t deceive nature, the spirit, you know, is still getting old. Therefore, young Rybok lovers should be attentive to their partner: after a night of love, you can accidentally find yourself in warm woolen socks stuffed with jam. From a cold.
Aries
Aries swagger all their lives and declare that they are not going to grow old at all and will work to the last, so pushing them into retirement is another quest: Aries-grandmother will scandalize, will vilify "these buttock-headed brats" that are tagged in her place, write a complaint to the head office, the president and Sportloto. And, only having finished the last drop of blood of the entire team, including the guard at the checkpoint, will leave with a sense of accomplishment. To the Maldives. Where, in fact, she had long planned to go diving, learn to smoke ganjubas and have an affair with a sultry native 50 years younger.
Taurus
Taurus in old age become matriarchs: majestic and stern old women, before whom all representatives of the younger generation tremble, including this kabyzdoh, whom the grandchildren dared to bring into the house without asking their grandmother. The fact that the grandchildren, in fact, have a separate house, and it is possible that on another continent, Taurus does not bother at all. She is worried about something else: here in whom, one wonders, her descendants were born so spineless, huh? They're really scared, right? Well, then let's scare them again: who, if not granny, will teach them to steadfastly accept the blows of fate? Here's the same thing.
Twins
Old age comes for Gemini quite suddenly. "What already? Wait, we've only just begun!" At the same time, Gemini does not care about wrinkles or gray hair at all, and their figures have not changed since their youth. Gemini is worried about something else: why does the heart play tricks, the joints creak and the hangover came from somewhere? What's the deal anyway? It usually takes Gemini a couple of years to come to terms with such an insidious betrayal from their own body, and then they get used to it and only slightly slow down. But with the betrayal by friends and associates in insanity, the Gemini fails to reconcile - because how to live now, huh? “Give me another notebook, everyone is fucking dead in this one!”
Crayfish
In Cancer, in old age, a second youth begins. If Cancer has grandchildren, she instantly turns into a young mother - an energetic six-armed Shiva, who can simultaneously rock a baby, teach lessons with a first grader, cook borscht and wash a cat's ass. If Cancer has no grandchildren, she suddenly realizes that the children have grown up a long time ago, and her husband has become accustomed to the tray - cheers, freedom! It's time to start building your career! And after all, it builds, which is the most interesting, and very successful.
a lion
Lions are terribly afraid of being ignored and becoming unclaimed by society and family, but they don’t know how to bake pies and knit socks. Fortunately, any Lioness accumulates solid capital in her old age, which she begins to distribute to her grandchildren in exchange for love, respect and attention. Grandchildren, however, love the Lioness grandmother and so, because she is the very person who teaches them bad things. But it also gives money for this worst thing! Jackpot, not grandma! If the Lioness does not have grandchildren, she will teach strangers to herself. Actually, she did this with men all her life, yes.
Virgo
As such, old age does not frighten Dev at all, because, in fact, it begins from childhood: even a very small Virgo is not afraid of doctors, but loves; to criticize everyone around, to grumble and nudet starts right from the pot; “Good old days” remembers every day from the age of 30 - well, in general, Virgo does not need to turn into a grandmother, she was born like that and lived all her life. Another thing is that after 70 years Virgo understands that the record is somewhat worn out. "Get off, that horse is dead!" she says to herself. "You're a walking stereotype, an old bore that everyone hates." What a surprise, please tell me! In general, Virgo does not like old age in the sense that she does not like the way people look at her. Therefore, well, to hell with them! Virgo gets herself a cat and a shaggy poodle, which also looks ancient from puppyhood, like mammoth feces, and gets along well with the company of this couple, leaving everyone else, finally, alone. The only pity is that the Virgo's husband, as a rule, does not live up to this blessed time. If he had lived, he would have died of amazement, as if we are telling you.
Scales
Grandma is a terrorist. In old age, Libra understands that now everything is possible, and finally they release their dark essence, which they have been diligently hiding all their lives: it’s so ugly! But now you can sit on a bench at the entrance and call everyone prostitutes, swear in lines at the clinic, knock on the ceiling with a stick at exactly 23:00 to shut everyone up, and call the government bad words. Libra can be restored to human form if you pour vodka on them and turn on Civil Defense: Libra, nostalgic for their turbulent youth, becomes young again. Until they sober up.
Scorpion
Queen Mother. Scorpio in old age is filled with a sense of his own greatness and importance, because life has lived and now knows everything. Looks down on everyone, demands worship and offerings. At the same time, she sincerely believes that the younger generation is simply obliged to fall to the source of her wisdom. Naturally, no one cares about the opinion of the youngest generation, and whoever dares to express it will get a stick between the eyes. And without an inheritance will remain, be-be-be!
Sagittarius
Sagittarius is the same old dried-up roach, brown from sunburn, with a cigarette in his mouth, with purple hair and in bright yellow shoes with breathtaking heels. What? Have you seen such old women? This means that you don’t go to clubs, because you should look for a retired Sagittarius there: she drinks whiskey there, dances a tribal and pinches the elastic asses of young males. The thing is that Sagittarius simply never knew how to determine her own age, only in her youth it was not so noticeable. So she is sure that everything is fine with her. And by the way, she's really great.
In fact, this is Vasilisa the Wise, tired of the fuss and disappointed in the human breed, which she knows as flaky. Misanthrope and cynic grey Cardinal retired, who retired to the wilderness for ingenious beading intrigues. He peacefully brews potions, dries fly agarics for the winter, so that, on occasion, he can treat his neighbor who has gone too far into the forest. Nature is closed, overly cautious, boring and demanding, she will check seven times why she came, and only once will she cut off your tail to the very ears, because she does not recognize any compromises, you are torturing al from the case you are whining, there is no middle ground, “after hard plowing lie on the stove, eat kalachi ”as an argument does not work. Evil is fair, corrosive and meticulous, reads bad thoughts, understands nasty things from a half-word, is expressed adequately in response. A weak strategist, but a strong tactician, is able to motivate to send to hell by sticking a small ball and indicating the direction with a broom. Baba Yaga's remarks often hurt, actions shock, ruthlessness and coldness offend good fellows, but her help is effective as "dead" + "living" water when you have already been chopped into cabbage. The evil spirits are industrious, wasteful, economic and thrifty, but reckless, "in the mood" can waste the accumulated funds, playing preference with the Nightingale the Robber. Yaga has an ideal organization of labor in the hut, the potions are arranged in the right disorder, spiders weave webs in strictly allotted corners, the cat spoils only where necessary, mice line up and run in a clear sequence like pigs, flies fly along the intended trajectory. Baba Yaga is laconic, restrained, but curious, arranges an inquiry with a predilection for trifles. Carefully! Anything you confuse in your testimony will be used against you.
Mara - Libra (September 24 - October 23) 
The ghost lives in a medieval castle in thick fog, especially in the morning. A mysterious, muddy creature, where he will go - he doesn’t know what he will wear - he didn’t choose with whom - it’s unknown why - he didn’t come up with, most likely, he won’t go anywhere at all, because you need to get up, drag yourself carefully weigh all the “pros” and “ against". Without analyzing the situation, which she will muddle up to the limit, Mara will not lift a finger, will not lead with her ear, will not rustle her shroud. You can lure evil spirits only "for a terrible interest." A supporter of beliefs, why run when you can stand, why stand when you can sit and why sit when you can lie down. Slow, ever-doubting evil spirits cannot choose whether to appear in the form of a hunched old woman in black, or to loom as a young woman in white, or to amuse adults at noon, or to frighten little children at midnight. It is impossible to combine all the pleasures in a heap, hence the eternal discord with the surrounding reality, because any evil spirits are terrible with an image, and Mara has been in light thoughts and unhurried search for herself for more than a century. It is not by chance that evil spirits are personified with death by suffocation, it is enough to go shopping with it, and you will either strangle it, or run out of steam yourself. To be or not to be in this suit is a matter of life, death and your iron nerves. Mara is an extremely noisy and annoying ghost, arriving at midnight, rattling her chains until six in the morning, vigorously discussing with you a touching and funny story “how she got to such a life after death”, even if you are silent, yawning and unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep. But Mara is not so much your nightmare, but the embodied fate-villain, sheer confusion and a slight clouding of reason. You can get it from the other world and tactlessly, but kindly, blow your brains out. Do not worry, during the day the evil spirits will not annoy, you can’t see it - you can’t hear it when it comes to everyday, dreary work.
Mermaid - Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) 
If you are determined to swim, prepare for the worst. Cultivate willpower, be patient, learn to breathe evenly, buy waterproof ear plugs and white rubber slippers, suddenly on your life path Meet Mermaid. Practice swimming on land first, because mermaids are even found on the way to the bathroom, then water procedures are canceled for the near future. The "Navel of the Earth" is washed first and as much as it sees fit. The evil spirits know exactly what SHE wants and she absolutely doesn't give a damn about what YOU want. A mermaid will sit on a pebble in the middle of a pond and comb her marvelous hair for a long time with a wonderful comb, even if she has a stubby hedgehog on her head. And you have to stick around like an enthusiastic idol on the shore in slippers, with a towel at the ready, without breathing, so that no circles on the water interfere with the process. If you interfere, the Mermaid will drown in a whirlpool of emotions, beat you to death with a comb and drag you to the bottom to build a crystal palace under a snag. Nature is complex, mysterious, emotional, rushing from one extreme to another, either sitting in a lake, or climbing into a bottle on an oak tree, or singing sweetly, or screaming with a fire siren, or an angel, or the devil knows what. Out of love for you, she is able to give her voice to a witch, and immediately turn you into sea foam, because she is so changeable and impulsive. She is forgivable, she has an internal conflict between the sublime and the base: the top wants to bring her unearthly beauty to people, and the bottom has low self-esteem. The mermaid is independent, rebellious, capricious, slips away from any networks, you can manipulate evil spirits, but carefully, in tight velor gloves. Put more pressure on pity, the Mermaid somewhere very deep in her soul is kind and sympathetic.
Famously One-Eyed - Sagittarius - (November 23 - December 21) 
In fact, famously Two-Eyed, but if you wake up when you haven’t had enough sleep, then it will famously start your shooting. Evil spirits will grab a bow, arrows, a pillow that is tucked under your arm, carefully aim, screwing up your eyes ... it does everything carefully and accurately ... you will remember this beautiful one-eyed face for the whole short life, leaving admonition to posterity: DO NOT WAKE! It was about the Likho child that they said: “Seven nannies have a child without an eye.” It grew up, the nannies fell under dashing natural selection, but the restlessness, cheerfulness and energy over the edge retained evil spirits, however, as well as eyelessness. Likho is a complete idealist and an incurable romantic, he believes in a bright future, in love at first sight, in friendship from the second, in divorce and a maiden name from the third. Stepping on the same rake, he stubbornly closes his eyes to human vices to scatter utensils everywhere, so he proudly goes through life with a black eye and scars on his heart, wounded by a rake. If you are burning with the desire to find out the whole truth about yourself, without being afraid of an arrow in the ass, a pillow on the ears, an onion in the eye, go to Likh and ask. Insightful, observant, frank, it will express a personal opinion with directness, tact and the inevitability of an armored train flying at you without brakes. The evil spirits intensely and passionately long for adventure, vivid impressions and new sensations, therefore it carries and brings it ... to where it smells dangerous, curious and delicious.
From the point of view of family psychology, a good grandmother is one who does not take an active part in the upbringing of the younger generation, does not insist on her opinion and does not undermine the authority of the parents of her grandchildren. Among all representatives of the Zodiac circle, only a few meet these criteria. It was to them that astrologers awarded the honorary title of "supergrandmother":
Fish
Pisces women in old age embody the classic image of grandmothers. They are happy to do housework, bake pies, make preparations for the winter. They are distinguished by tact and willingness to help in everyday life. Wise Pisces know when to give advice and when it is better to remain silent. Often in families, it is they who play the role of peacekeepers and smooth out conflicts between relatives. You can safely leave your grandchildren with them without worrying that the children will be allowed too much.
Sagittarius
Women born under the sign of Sagittarius become "advanced" grandmothers. You can’t find them on a bench in front of the entrance, but they enthusiastically master new technologies, travel, visit all kinds of interest clubs. You can easily get along with them even in the same territory, because old age does not spoil their character at all and does not turn them into grumblings. Grandchildren themselves will be drawn to spend more time with an understanding older relative.
Taurus
Taurus women respect someone else's personal space. They will not come to visit without warning, they will not host in someone else's kitchen and give out unsolicited advice. And all this does not prevent them from having a trusting relationship with their children and grandchildren. Ready to provide financial assistance close people, often pamper them with pleasant presents. Taurus can be strict, but they are always fair and try to be objective.
Aries
In old age, Aries women remain active and energetic. Their forces will be enough for country work, and to help in the upbringing of grandchildren, and for their own interests. The younger generation will have something to learn from such diversified grandmothers. It is not uncommon for Aries to become an unspoken authority in the family, but representatives of this sign do not suppress other people's initiatives. They are wise and can give really needed advice.
Surprisingly funny and funny caricatures by illustrator Olga Gromova called "Zodiac Signs in Grandmothers". Look for your sign, compare and smile!
1. Capricorn
Main features: ambition, pragmatism, caution, ambition, purposefulness, restraint, secrecy, independence, criticality, material well-being and status, careerists, discipline are very important for them.
2. Aquarius
Main features: independence, originality, altruists, idealists, ideological fighters, sociability, love of freedom, extravagance, like to shock the public, broad outlook, intellectuality, hate routine.
3. Sagittarius
Main features: straightforwardness, openness, justice, aggressive optimists, spirit of searching, lack of sense of proportion, irascibility, tendency to go to extremes, impulsiveness, always on the move, expansiveness.
4. Scorpio
Main features: secrecy, a tendency to go to extremes: all or nothing, passion, self-destruction, craving for mysticism, taboo destroyer, possessiveness, magnetism-attractiveness, perseverance, self-confidence.
5. Pisces
Main features: daydreaming, imaginative, charming, romantic, idealists, creative, artistic natures, go with the flow, weak-willed, indecisive, passive, prone to introspection and reflection, fatalists, good intuition.
6. Aries
Main features: born to win, very active and sociable, ambition, self-confidence, fearlessness, first they do, then they think, impulsiveness, feelings overshadow the mind, passion, willfulness, do not tolerate the slightest objection.
7. Leo
Main features: courage and generosity, imperiousness and arrogance, they like to lead, assertive, vain and self-centered, prestige is everything for them, born leaders, nobility and sincerity, straightforwardness, bright and energetic.
8. Libra
Main features: indecisive, peaceful, compliant, avoid conflicts,
diplomatic, obsequious, do not like loneliness, idealists and romantics,
charm, love of art, frivolity, impatient.
9. Cancer
Main features: romantic, cordial, love children, animals, a highly developed sense of duty, notorious, suspicious, prone to self-sacrifice, a heroine or hysterical, sentimental and conservative, homebodies, owners, very jealous.
10. Gemini
Main features: they love to collect gossip information, everyone knows about everything and is everywhere, elusive, witty, lively, sociable, eloquent, you will not get bored with them, they are eager to please everyone, resourceful, adapt easily.
11. Taurus
Main features: practical, realists, pragmatists, pessimists, love and respect wealth, but stingy, thrifty, great craving for entertainment and sensual pleasures, family people, owners, good parents, hardworking, stubborn, strong.
12. Virgo
Main features: restraint, pedantry, analytical mind, criticism, attention to detail, rationalism, practicality, diligence and diligence, exactingness, prudence and common sense.
