What does it mean to be the man in the family. Functions of a man and a husband in a modern family

Greetings to my regular and new readers! In the article "The role of men and women in the family: who is in charge?" the topic will be touched upon and what the picture looks like when the spouse gives all the money to his wife.

The role of men and women in the family: money

It has long been the case that everyone in the family has a role to play. Nobody assigned these roles to people directly. In the process of human development, people have empirically found out what women do better and what men do better.

The weaker sex is responsible for the hearth, comfort, raising children and, in general, for the atmosphere in the house. The stronger sex is the protector leading the whole family. He is the main and responsible. That is why create family budget He must.

give confidence in tomorrow. Who, if not a man, will create this confidence? And if a woman does this, as she knows how, then who will take care of the home atmosphere and children? This is as important a task in the family as earning finances.

A man will never be able to create a home as cozy as a spouse can. Yes, she can do what she loves, which brings some income, but she should not be obliged to provide for the family.

In this case, the woman herself will distribute her time so that she has enough for both home and hobbies. From this conclusion: in the family, the husband performs his functions, and the wife performs hers. This is the only correct way to create a happy family union.

The classic version: the husband is the breadwinner, the wife is the keeper of the family hearth

The classic version: the husband is the only breadwinner. In such a family, it is established that the spouse gives all the finances to the wife, and she distributes them to the household. Including for the individual needs of the miner.

That is, if he needs to buy, for example, a new battery for a car, he is forced to come up and ask his wife for money. This is absurd: the man himself earned this money, and then he has to beg for it?

We can highlight a few more points explaining why it is impossible to take all the cash from the faithful and issue them on demand.

Head of family

He is the head of the family. It is for this reason that he earns, and not she. He is a man: strong, independent and able to provide for his family.

What happens when the wife takes all the money?

She becomes the leader. Despite the fact that from the outside it seems that the distribution of family roles is correct here, this is not so. He earns precisely because he is the leader.

As soon as the missus begins to take away all the “piastres” from him, the male supremacy disappears, the head loses ground and becomes the follower. And his place, of course, is occupied by a woman.

Humiliation

Asking for cash from your lady is humiliating for a man. First he earns, then he gives this money to his wife. And then he has to beg for “pocket expenses”, explaining himself as if he were 15 years old.

Infantilism

Such a role makes a man infantile. His concern is to bring money. And what happens next, how to properly distribute finances - is not his concern. And the wife turns into his mommy, who, in addition to all her other duties, also needs to be monitored so that the overgrown son does not spend too much.

The prosperity of lies

Obviously, no man wants to report to his woman. Especially in material terms. What happens if she, nevertheless, forces? The submissive spouse will obey, pay his salary, and then beg for his own needs.

And the other will simply begin to lie: hide part of the salary, give his wife less than he actually earned, say that they did not give the bonus, and so on.

Conclusion

These reasons explain in detail why a wife should not take the money he has earned from her husband. If he does not know how to properly dispose of them, he must learn. If you have spent too much, you must be responsible for it yourself.

And when a wife asks her husband for money, this is correct and there is no role reversal here. The husband in this case feels like a patron, earner and head of the family, which, of course, motivates him to achieve even more.

Who is in charge? The ideal option is when each family member has his own (feasible and voluntary) “piece” of power, that is, the area in which he feels needed, responsible, recognized and more competent.

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Who is the head of the family - husband or wife. The content of the concept of family headship is associated with the implementation of managerial (administrative) functions: general management of family affairs, making responsible decisions regarding the family as a whole, regulating intra-family relations, choosing the method of raising children, distributing the family budget, etc.

There are two types of leadership: patriarchal (the head of the family is necessarily the husband) and egalitarian (in the family, leadership is carried out jointly).

A study of this issue by N.F. Fedotova (1981) revealed that 27.5% of men and 20% of women noted male dominance, and the number of families where both spouses considered the husband the head of the family was only 13% of the total sample. Women's headship was indicated more often by wives than by husbands (25.7% and 17.4%, respectively), and the concurrence of spouses' opinions was only in 8.6% of families. Women were more in favor of joint leadership than men (25.7% and 18.4%, respectively). At the same time, the coincidence of opinions about joint headship was in 27% of families. In more than half of the cases, there was a discrepancy in opinion about who was the head of the family: the husband considered himself to be the head of the family, and the wife considered herself, which often created a conflict situation.

Where the wife is in charge, there the husband roams the neighbors. Russian proverb

When comparing the data of studies conducted in our country over the past decade, the following dynamics are clearly visible: older age respondents, the more common is the opinion that the family should be built according to the egalitarian type. Below is the data supporting this conclusion.

According to G. V. Lozova and N. A. Rybakova (1998), adolescent boys more often than girls of the same age believe that the husband should be the head of the family (respectively, 53% and 36%); if preference is given to the mother (which happens less often), then girls do it more often than boys (respectively 20% and 6%). At the same time, that part of the boys who have realized themselves as representatives of the male sex gravitate to such a distribution of roles. The same boys who have not yet managed to completely identify their gender equally often prefer both patriarchy in the family and biarchy (that is, they believe that both father and mother can be the head of the family). The same trend is observed among girls: the semi-identified group believes that a woman should be the head of the family, while the rest of the girls gravitate towards gender equality.

As boys and girls grow older, their view of the headship of a husband or wife in the family changes somewhat. So, according to N. V. Lyakhovich, young men believe that either the husband should be the head of the family (35% of answers), or there should be equality of heads (biarchy) - 65% of answers. The same trend is observed in the responses of girls (husband - 23%, biarchy - 73%), with the difference that 4% named their wife as the head of the family.

Among those entering into marriage, even fewer respondents give headship in the family to the husband. According to T. A. Gurko (1996), this was done by 18% of grooms, 9% of brides. Among men, patriarchal views are mainly (about 40%) held by people from the village and having only a secondary education.

According to studies conducted in our country, from 15 to 30% of women over the age of 30 declare themselves the head of the family, while only 2-4% of their husbands and 7% of adult children recognize this.

These responses reflect the currently emerging gradual transition from the patriarchal type of family organization, when only a man was its head, to a democratic one, which is based on the legal and economic equality of men and women. These management functions are not concentrated in the hands of one of the spouses, but are distributed more or less evenly between husband and wife (Z. A. Yankova, 1979). Despite this trend, there are still many families where the husband plays the leading role, as before, although in many ways this leadership is of a formal nature (A. G. Kharchev, 1979; Z. A. Yankova, 1979). There are also families where the head is the wife.

Decision-making in the family can be an objective criterion for the headship of a husband or wife. T. A. Gurko (1996) believes that at present, in almost all areas of family life, the wife makes decisions more often than the husband. However, in the study by M. Yu. Harutyunyan (1987) it was revealed that the ownership of the decisive vote by the husband or wife depends on the type of family (Table 10.1).

Obviously, in egalitarian families, decisions are more often made by husband and wife jointly, regardless of the sphere of life. In traditional families, this concerns only leisure. In the financial and economic spheres, most often the decision is made by the wife. Similar data were obtained by foreign researchers: the distribution of family income is more often performed by one wife, less often - jointly with her husband, regardless of the type of headship (N. Gunter, B. Gunter, 1990).

In cases where the wife ascribes headship to herself, she evaluates the qualities of her husband much lower than in other types of headship and, naturally, lower than her own qualities. This decrease in ratings is observed in all personal qualities, but it is especially clearly expressed in assessments of the volitional and intellectual properties of the husband's personality, as well as the qualities that characterize his attitude to industrial and domestic work. The wife, as it were, is forced to take on the leadership, not because she wants and is suitable for this role, but because the husband cannot cope with these duties. Men recognize the supremacy of a wife because they see in her those qualities that are inherent in a man, namely strong-willed and businesslike qualities.

"An interesting example was given in the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. In 100 families surveyed, 90 women identified themselves as the head of the family, and their husbands confirmed this. Ten husbands tried to claim the headship, but almost all the wives objected to them. And only one woman said that the head of the family is her husband. It was decided to reward this only lucky person out of 100 by inviting him to choose a gift. And then the husband, turning to his wife, asked: "What do you think, Maria, which one is better to choose?" It didn't take place sole head family" (V. T. Lisovsky, 1986, pp. 100-101).

Recognition of the primacy of the husband is associated with women with a high assessment by them of his business, strong-willed and intellectual qualities. Men associate their dominance with a high assessment of their "family and household" qualities and a low assessment of their wife's business, intellectual and strong-willed qualities. At the same time, they believe that these qualities are not important for a wife, therefore, giving them a low rating, husbands do not seek to belittle the dignity of their wives.

At the same time, the recognition of a husband or wife as the head of the family did not mean at all that all managerial functions were concentrated in their hands. In fact, there was a distribution of functions between husband and wife. The material support of the family in all types of headship is recognized as the leading role of the husband, but only in the case when the discrepancy between the earnings of the husband and wife is large. The dominance of the husband in the family is associated with his superiority in the level of education, social activity, and satisfaction with the profession. If the level of education and social activity is higher for the wife, then she dominates the family.

Stereotype of ideas about the distribution of family responsibilities. Patriarchal relations in the family, that is, the primacy of the husband, have existed in Rus' and other countries for a long time. In that distant past, the relationship between spouses was regulated very clearly. In the literary monument of Ancient Rus' "Domostroy" (XVI century), the family roles of husband and wife are described in detail. moral standards were the same for them, but the spheres of activity are strictly divided: the husband is the head, he has the right to teach his wife and children and even punish them physically, the wife must be hardworking, a good housewife and ask her husband's advice in everything. However, in fact, wives often had great influence on their husbands and commanded in the family.

L. N. Tolstoy said that there is a strange, rooted delusion that cooking, sewing, washing, nursing are exclusively women's business and that it is a shame for a man to do the same. Meanwhile, L. N. Tolstoy believed, the opposite is shameful: a man, often not busy, spends time on trifles or does nothing at a time when a tired, often weak, pregnant woman cooks, launders or nurses a sick child through force.

With the development of capitalist relations in society, the requirements for the role of wife and husband have also changed. They became less rigid, and expressive roles were assigned not only to the wife, but also to the husband (T. Gurko, P. Boss, 1995).

And yet, it has not yet been possible to finally bury the sex-role stereotypes that have existed for centuries. Therefore, they exist even in children. Interesting data were obtained by German scientists regarding what family responsibilities children aged 4-5 consider maternal and paternal: 86% of the children surveyed answered that cooking is the mother’s business, and reading books, according to 82% of the children, is the father’s privilege ; 83% of babies consider shopping as a mother's job, and 82% consider reading newspapers a father's job. Only one child out of 150 respondents said that washing clothes is a man's job. Eighty percent of children believed that drinking beer and smoking was a father's privilege.

Knowledge is power. - 1983. - No. 3. - S. 33.

Similar data were obtained by domestic psychologists. For example, when researching value orientations youth in various regions of Russia (T. G. Pospelova, 1996), it was revealed that the traditional (patriarchal) family model was chosen by 49% of boys and 30% of girls. The egalitarian model of the family, where the husband and wife are equally involved in both household and professional activities, was chosen by 47% of boys and 66% of girls.

According to T.V. Andreeva and T.Yu. Pipchenko (2000), more than half of women consider a woman responsible for fulfilling the role of educator of children, housewife, "psychotherapist". Fifty-six percent of men and half of the women surveyed rated the role of a man in the family as a "getter" of material resources, a third of men and women believe that both spouses should provide material resources. There were also those who believe that the wife should take on this mission (10% of men and 16% of women).

Forty percent of men and women believe that spouses should share each of the roles in the family equally.

L. Sh. Iksanova (2001) revealed the specifics of views on the roles of husband and wife in the family of spouses living in an unregistered marriage. Thus, men from an unregistered marriage have a less traditional idea of ​​a woman than men from a registered marriage. They believe that a woman should not limit herself to household roles. In turn, women from an unregistered marriage, contrary to women from a registered marriage, who believe that the material support of the family is the prerogative of the husband, express the opinion that this role equally belongs to both the husband and the wife. Thus, in families with an unregistered marriage, both men and women are oriented towards an egalitarian arrangement of family relations.

"A. V. Petrovsky gave such an example on the pages of the Izvestia newspaper. "A popular science film was shot on family relationships. He was called: "... And happiness in his personal life." The film crew was faced with the task of identifying the nature of the distribution of responsibilities in the family. Of course, it was possible to ask questions directly, but psychologists are well aware that the answers to such questions can not be trusted very much - often the wishful thinking is presented as real. Then we decided to act through the kids.

IN kindergarten game was offered. The kids were given a lot of color pictures depicting household items: pots, a TV set, a hammer, plates, an armchair, a tape recorder, a meat grinder, a needle, a newspaper, a vacuum cleaner, a "string bag" with products, and they were asked to select "daddy's pictures" and "mother's pictures". Pictures". And immediately everything became clear. For dad, many, many kids made up a "gentleman's set": a TV, a newspaper, an armchair, an ottoman, and sometimes a hammer and nails. The mothers were left with everything else: pots, plates, a vacuum cleaner, a meat grinder, a string bag, and so on. On the screen, this selection of things looked impressive. But what kind of family team can we talk about if the father after work takes a nap under the TV with a newspaper on his knees, and the mother works out her second shift? Children observe this and draw conclusions..." (V. T. Lisovsky, 1986, p. 101).

Real distribution of homework. According to foreign studies, working wives perform an average of 69% of household chores.

It is also important that women's household chores are everyday (cooking, washing dishes, caring for a child, etc.), while men's household duties are episodic (make repairs, move a heavy thing, etc.). and allow them to manage their time more freely.

The participation of husbands is largely determined by the ethnic group to which they belong. Thus, black men do 40% of housework, men of Hispanic origin - 36%, white men - 34% (B. Shelton, D. John, 1993).

“Over the course of a year, a group of statisticians recorded how much work one housewife does, who takes care of her husband and two children. The results were amazing.

During the year, she washes 18,000 knives, forks and spoons, 13,000 plates and 3,000 pots and pans. She not only cleans these appliances, but also takes them out of the cupboard, puts them on the table, puts them back and, thus, carries a load with a total weight of about 5 tons.

With the help of special devices, they also measured the distance that a housewife has to cover in a day. If the family lives in an ordinary two-room apartment, then the housewife takes an average of about 10 thousand steps a day, and if in a house with an estate, then more than 17 thousand steps. If we add to this going to the market, then in a year she has to travel a distance of almost 2 thousand kilometers "(Knowledge is power. - 1982. - No. 6. - P. 33).

According to E. V. Foteeva (1987), young husbands and husbands with a higher level of education help their wives more often. However, when children reach school age, assistance to wives is significantly reduced, and often stops. In general, notes E. V. Foteeva (1990), there is a stereotypical differentiation of the images of a “good husband” and a “good wife”: the husband is more often regarded as a “provider”, and the wife as “the keeper of the family hearth”.

Strengthening of the traditional sex-role differentiation is observed after the birth of the first child. Care and concern for him falls on the mother; in addition, she begins to be responsible for everything that happens in the house, and the need for professional activity recedes into the background; the husband, on the other hand, is more focused on events taking place outside the family, his role is more instrumental (Yu. E. Aleshina, 1985; I. F. Dementieva, 1991).

Similar data were obtained by A.P. Makarova (2001), who compared the role attitudes of young spouses with and without children. For spouses whose experience of living together is up to a year, role settings coincide more, and satisfaction with marriage is the highest. The role attitudes of spouses in families with children often do not coincide, and the role expectations of wives in relation to their husbands are not justified. In families with children, traditional role attitudes predominate (mainly in the positions of women, who pay more attention to the sphere of economy and life, raising children, and emotional and moral support for the family climate). In families without children, gender-role differentiation is much less pronounced, and relations between spouses are egalitarian.

In the group with 5-6 years of family life, men pay more attention to their professional activities, less of all they take on the responsibility of raising children.

"On the way to the bedroom...

Husband and wife watch TV in the evening, the wife says: "I'm tired, it's late, I'll go to sleep."

On her way to the bedroom, she goes into the kitchen to make sandwiches for breakfast tomorrow, throws out the leftover popcorn, pulls the meat out of the refrigerator for tomorrow's dinner, removes the sugar, puts the forks and spoons back, leaves the coffee in the coffee maker for the next morning.

She puts wet clothes in the dryer, dirty clothes in the wash, irons her shirt and finds her missing sweater. She picks up the newspapers from the floor, folds the toys, puts the phone book back. She waters the flowers, takes out the trash, hangs up a towel to dry. Stopping around desk, she writes a note to school, checks how much money is in her wallet, removes the book from the chair. She signs a happy birthday card for her friends, writes a list of groceries to buy at the store. Then she washes off her makeup.

The husband shouts from the room: "I thought you went to bed ...", she replies: "I'm going ...". She pours water for the dog into a bowl, cleans up after the cat, then checks the doors. She comes in to look at the children, turns off their lamp, collects the children's dirty clothes, asks if they have done their homework for tomorrow. In her room, she prepares clothes for herself for tomorrow. Then he adds three things to do tomorrow to his list.

At this very time, the husband turns off the TV and says to himself: "Well, that's it, I'm going to bed," and he goes "(Gatherings. Information leaflet. - 1999. - No. 7-8. P. 16).

In most countries, parental leave is granted to women. This creates a number of difficulties for them in hiring. To avoid this and give men equal legal rights to care for a child, it is legally allowed for a man to take such leave. However, they are reluctant to do this, as the family will lose income (men's wages in many countries are higher than women's), and the administration and colleagues look at it negatively. To encourage men to care for a small child in Sweden, an option was adopted in which either parent can take annual paid leave, but if the mother and father take it in turn, they will be paid increased compensation.

Husband as "financial bag". There is an opinion in society that one of the signs of masculinity is a good financial situation of a man. Many women evaluate men from a financial point of view. B. Bailey (B. Bailey, 1988) writes that the process of courtship of a man for a woman in the United States has always been based on money. It is understood that during a date, a man should spend money. If he does not do this, then he may turn out to be a second-rate gentleman in the eyes of a woman. An important factor in a woman's choice of a spouse is how future husband can financially provide for the family, so in the West women prefer the rich. Burn and Laver (Burn and Laver, 1994) found a convergence in the views of adult men and women regarding the fact that a man should earn a lot of money.

However, assigning the role of a breadwinner to the husband leads to many negative phenomena (J. Pleck, 1985):

1. The choice of a highly paid job may not coincide with the professional interests of a man: very often he does not like this kind of work.

2. Due to working day and night for the sake of earning big money men have less contact with their children. For example, in Japan, where the concept of masculinity is associated with full dedication at work, fathers spend an average of 3 minutes with their children on weekdays and 19 minutes on weekends (M. Ishii-Kuntz, 1993). In this regard, there are often people who believe that in childhood they were deprived of fatherly love (C. Kilmartin, 1994).

3. When a man realizes that several people depend on him economically and he must live up to the expectations of the family, this puts a lot of pressure on his psyche. Along with the growth of the family, he must increase both the volume and time of work in order to earn more. This lifestyle often leads to the appearance of pathological symptoms caused by mental and physical stress.

Federal Agency for Education
State educational institution
higher professional education
"Kovrov State Technological Academy
named after V.A. Degtyarev"

Department of GN

Essay on sociology on the topic
"The functions of a man in the family"

Supervisor:

Performer: student gr.
.

Kovrov 2011
Content

Introduction

Why do you need a man in the family? It is impossible even to imagine that someone asked this question a hundred years ago. The historically established patriarchal-house-building model of the family clearly defined the functions of each member: the man is the head, he has absolute power, the wife and children are obliged to obey him implicitly. The man earned money, distributed what to spend it on, decided where and what the children would study, when and with whom they would marry, punished the guilty, etc. Of course, the wise diplomacy of women also played a role, and a very tangible one. But this only confirmed the principle of the “domostroevskaya” family: a man is a strategist, a woman is a tactician. This went on for thousands of years, and could go on for many more. Even the spread of the feminist movement at the beginning of the 20th century in Russia did not have any radical impact on the existing way of life. And communist slogans such as "A woman is a friend, comrade and brother" remained just words. Yes, women were allowed to work, participate in the political life of the state, but outside the walls of the house, in the family, the role of the wife remained the same.
Everything changed in the 1940s and 50s. It was not only the huge losses of the country's male population that affected, but also the years of the war, in which women not only took care of the family and children, but also all “male” duties. “I am a horse, I am a bull, I am a woman and a man!” - women did not lose heart, and plowed, sowed, harvested, worked for days at factories and factories, supplying the front with everything necessary, raising children, getting a piece of bread for them. But now the war is over.
The surviving men returned home to their families. And how many did not return? A huge number of widows became the sole breadwinners in their families. Their children grew up seeing before their eyes an example of a strong woman-mother, able to independently solve all the problems of the family, performing the functions of "both mother and father." And there is no one to blame that, as adults, they passed on to their children the conviction that all affairs in the family can and should be managed by a woman. More than 60 years have passed since the war, and the echoes of that time are still heard. Few people could have imagined that the forced loneliness of those women would provoke a huge number of conflicts related both to the struggle for leadership in the family and to the problem of the distribution of responsibilities.
Today's marriages, in contrast to the marriages of the "domostroevsky" period, are based in most cases on love and mutual consent. Therefore, the distribution of the functions of everyone in the family is based not so much on traditional prescriptions, but on mutual agreements: who is more capable of what, he does it. The main thing is that it suits both. The functions of husband and wife, at the same time, at different stages of their life together can be adjusted or completely changed. For example, if in the first years after marriage, both spouses worked and household problems were distributed approximately equally between them, then after the birth of a child, most of the household chores fall, as a rule, on the woman, and the man takes care of the financial support of the family.
Nevertheless, there is a classic distribution of roles in a modern family, in which the following functions fall on the shoulders of a man: financial support, maintenance, repair and other work related to the use of physical force (move furniture, for example, or chop firewood in the country), and representing the interests of the family. Together with his wife, as a rule, decisions are made regarding the upbringing of children, organizing family leisure, and making large purchases. But all this is rather conditional, and each family decides on its own, based on the correspondence between the character and capabilities of the husband and wife.
Separately, I would like to touch on the issue of the functions and significance of the father in the family. The number of divorces, according to statistics, is steadily growing, which means that the number of children brought up in single-parent families is also growing. A child growing up without a father has long been a common occurrence. No one argues that many modern women are coping well with financial problems, providing their children with a fairly high standard of living. However, the role of the father in the life of the child is enormous. The presence of a father in the house creates in the child a sense of security, stability. A child growing up in a complete family is much more likely to create a successful marriage in the future. After all, seeing in front of them how relations between parents are built, boys learn from their father responsibility, attitude towards a woman, acquire male communication skills, and girls - patience, conflict resolution, female wisdom. What about spending time together? The first swimming lessons in confident father's hands, joint skating, skiing, hiking in the forest for mushrooms, fishing - these childhood experiences are of great importance for the formation of a human personality. Dad is a "reliable stronghold" not only for the child's soul, but also for the family as a whole.

A real man
A man, in my opinion, is someone who knows how to take responsibility and make decisions. A real man is laconic, speaks only to the point. A real man is not afraid to be a man, that is, to do what he has to do, to perform a male function.
Today, we see the opposite - men run away from responsibility, and the concept of "being a man" acquires the features of only external behavior. There is a substitution, and women are forced to take on the burden of responsibility and decision-making, they are forced to stand at the helm of the family ship.
Plus, this trend in fashion ... Men over 40 are less affected by it, while young people are successfully imposing new destructive ideals of a man who takes care of his appearance no less than a female fashionista. This trend has now spread even among men who do not identify themselves as sexual minorities at all. So, the popularity of men's cosmetics is gaining momentum! The male consciousness is changing, he no longer thinks about what a man is supposed to think about - how to provide for his family, how to fix a tap at home, but about things that are completely absurd for a man.
Perhaps all this has more to do with large cities than with the provinces. This new consciousness manifests itself especially seriously in the external paraphernalia of the so-called youth subcultures, for example, in the “emo” subculture, where young men use cosmetics, dye their hair, avoid playing sports, resembling girls as much as possible. This culture brings both men and women under the same denominator.
True masculinity does not show itself outwardly until the right moment comes. Today, men, even having will and character, try to show them where it is not worth doing at all - for example, they express them in rude behavior with women. Real courage manifests itself in a critical situation where strong-willed decisions and actions are required, where neglect of one’s health and well-being, one’s “I” is required for the sake of other people.
A real man will never stand out in a crowd a real man does not necessarily have to have physical strength or conspicuous charisma. Just the same, many men who take care of themselves, modern machos and dandies, can be upset because of a broken nail to tears, being completely dependent on their artificial image that hides their inner emptiness. A real man can be an elderly and poor professor of mathematics, who is made fun of by his students because of his old-fashioned appearance or manner of speaking, but who behaves like a man at the right time and goes to stand up for a girl against a crowd of hooligans, scorning the danger, realizing that the situation requires from him to act like a man. Meanwhile, someone who considers himself a macho and visits the gym three times a week for three hours, shaking his biceps and buttocks, will pass by, fearing for his body, the care of which he devotes so much effort and so much money.
The formation of a real man will benefit from military service, which instills strong-willed qualities in a man. Although not only the military can consider themselves the owners of true masculinity. It happens that children are more likely to act like men than adults ... An integral quality of a real man is the willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, for the sake of his neighbors, for the sake of the Fatherland and for the sake of the family.
Courage is, on the one hand, a property of character. Of course, a man must be internally strong and courageous. This is the factor that affects everything - the ability to make decisions, take responsibility. On the other hand, everything is determined by worldview. A real man has values ​​- family, homeland, faith, honor, dignity - which for him are higher than health and even life.
A man should be an example for his children - to be a defender of the family and the Fatherland. And what kind of example will he be if he is not ready to stand up for the weak, loses his own dignity in case of any danger? How will his wife treat him? Yes, let him make good money, but will he be a man, the head of the family?
God created man physically stronger than woman. It means that God has entrusted the functions of protection to the man. And if a man refuses these functions, then he refuses the talent and duty originally given to him.
Initially, the sex-role functions between a man and a woman were distributed in a certain way. But today they are trying to abandon this natural state of affairs, to turn it upside down. And when there is a substitution, the society becomes ill and degenerates. When men cease to be men and women cease to be women, it becomes impossible to form families, which is now happening in the subcultures we have mentioned, which do not leave offspring. But, unfortunately, not only individual groups of representatives of subcultures, but society as a whole is now in the stage of extinction.
No men - no women - no family. No family - no children, and this is a dead end, the extinction of society. Being a real man is a prerequisite for the life of society. This is how it was originally set up.

Who is the head of the family - husband or wife
The content of the concept of family headship is associated with the implementation of managerial (administrative) functions: general management of family affairs, making responsible decisions regarding the family as a whole, regulating intra-family relations, choosing the method of raising children, distributing the family budget, etc.
At the same time, there are two types of leadership: patriarchal (the head of the family is necessarily the husband) and egalitarian (in the family, leadership is carried out jointly).
A study of this issue by N.F. Fedotova (1981) revealed that 27.5% of men and 20% of women noted male dominance, and the number of families where both spouses considered the husband the head of the family was only 13% of the total sample. Women's headship was indicated more often by wives than by husbands (25.7% and 17.4%, respectively), and the concurrence of spouses' opinions was only in 8.6% of families. Women were more in favor of joint leadership than men (25.7% and 18.4%, respectively). At the same time, the coincidence of opinions about joint headship was in 27% of families. In more than half of the cases, there was a discrepancy in opinion about who was the head of the family: the husband considered himself to be the head of the family, and the wife considered herself, which often created a conflict situation.
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When comparing the data of studies conducted in our country over the past decade, the following dynamics are clearly visible: the older the age of the respondents, the more common is the opinion that the family should be built according to the egalitarian type. Below is the data supporting this conclusion.
According to G. V. Lozova and N. A. Rybakova (1998), adolescent boys more often than girls of the same age believe that the husband should be the head of the family (respectively, 53% and 36%); if preference is given to the mother (which happens less often), then girls do it more often than boys (respectively 20% and 6%). At the same time, that part of the boys who have realized themselves as representatives of the male sex gravitate to such a distribution of roles. The same boys who have not yet managed to completely identify their gender equally often prefer both patriarchy in the family and biarchy (that is, they believe that both father and mother can be the head of the family). The same trend is observed among girls: the semi-identified group believes that a woman should be the head of the family, while the rest of the girls gravitate towards gender equality.
As boys and girls grow older, their view of the headship of a husband or wife in the family changes somewhat. So, according to N. V. Lyakhovich, young men believe that either the husband should be the head of the family (35% of answers), or there should be equality of heads (biarchy) - 65% of answers. The same trend is observed in the responses of girls (husband - 23%, biarchy - 73%), with the difference that 4% named their wife as the head of the family.
Among those entering into marriage, even fewer respondents give headship in the family to the husband. According to T. A. Gurko (1996), this was done by 18% of grooms, 9% of brides. Among men, patriarchal views are mainly (about 40%) held by people from the village and having only a secondary education.
According to studies conducted in our country, from 15 to 30% of women over the age of 30 declare themselves the head of the family, while only 2-4% of their husbands and 7% of adult children recognize this.
It turns out that at the heart of the modern institution of marriage lies, only, neurotic motivation. In the Stone Age, marriage was a strategic matter, it allowed to survive and control many social processes. In our time, the family has ceased to fulfill these functions and serves as a means of achieving spiritual comfort, that is, to enjoy.
These are not necessarily physical needs in the form of sex, affection and care, more often the family satisfies deeper needs - power, self-affirmation, and others. If earlier families were created under the call “So it is necessary”, now people entering into marriage are guided by another setting - “I want”.
The most difficult thing is to figure out what we really want and what men want.
To begin with, let's consider what kind of men are according to their psychotype, and what are the reasons for marriage.
In general terms, there are two types of men - extroverts and introverts.
extrovert man- this is a male male, a typical example of a strong half of humanity, the one whom every young girl represents in her dreams. He sparkles with energy, he is incredibly active and sociable, loves sports and a glass of beer in the company of friends, he is ambitious and determined. In a relationship with a woman, he also wants to be a leader, although this does not always work out. Among male extroverts there are those same womanizers and womanizers, they are also impudent and boors.
Usually, an extroverted man looks very self-confident and even slightly self-confident. However, behind this mask of a strong and determined man, there is usually a deeply insecure person. It is because of their insecurity that they simply go out of their way to prove to others their worth and stick out their “I”.
What are the reasons for marriage for extroverts? Society requires a man to show his masculinity, that is, to be cool and strong. A woman is just an extra opportunity for him to confirm his status. Therefore, in relations with women, the development of two scenarios is possible: either conquer as many women as possible (Casanova) or win one, but “super cool”. The main desire of such a man is to master, subdue and suppress. More often than not, extroverted men are terrible possessive and jealous. In a fit of anger, they may not disdain assault.
At the expense of a woman, an extrovert man asserts himself, confirms his high status. As a rule, a family conflict flares up here because the husband behaves like a real tyrant and despot, and the wife, depressed and broken, cries because they don’t love her, don’t pity and don’t understand.
Let's put the question again: "The role of a man in a family with an extrovert?"
Simply, with the help of his family, he provides himself with a lifelong opportunity to assert himself at the expense of a loving woman.
However, there is one important point here. If a woman surrendered and gratefully sacrificed herself to this man, he no longer feels that initial joy of victory and longs for new “blood”. Therefore, he, even without realizing it himself, begins to cheat on his wife, although she is both smart and beautiful, and generally did nothing wrong. A man is pushed to such steps by his internal problems - doubts that appear in their steepness require decisive action.
Now let's turn to male introverts. Men of this type are called nerds by many. They are very quiet, inactive, they tend not to enter into conflict situations and are more humanitarian in terms of warehouse. Male introverts never go on the attack, they are passive and prefer to sit out in ambush. The same applies to relationships with women, they are constrained and indecisive. For them, the main thing is to find “the one, the only one” with whom you can live your whole life. As a rule, it is introverted men who are romantic young men losing their heads from love, henpecked and losers like them.
Introvert men, just like extroverts, are very insecure, only this is manifested in the fact that they doubt and hesitate in everything. Since they are afraid of making a mistake, do not expect active actions from them, they would rather prefer complete inaction. However, this uncertainty gives rise to many of those ridiculous mistakes and problems that further exacerbate the situation. In most cases, they close into their shell and try not to attract any attention to themselves at all.
Where do these interesting specimens come from - introverts and extroverts? Many psychologists believe that certain qualities of character are little conditioned by external influences, many of them appear already in the first years of life.
Note that introversion and extraversion are quite normal phenomena. Introverted men, for example, have a lot of positive qualities. However, our society is arranged in such a way that the behavior of an extrovert is obviously required from a man. Introverts, quiet and inactive by nature, suffer even more from this, which feeds their insecurities.
Another point is the mother - the main woman of the whole life of an introverted man. Thanks to mother's care, guardianship and pressure, a healthy introvert turns into a "normal" man. However, the subsequent relationship with the beloved woman largely depends on the relationship of the introvert with the mother. An introverted man will not only assert himself at the expense of a woman, but also look for a mother in her who will provide him with affection, care and understanding. However, unlike an extrovert, he will assert himself because he realizes what a really cool “aunt” chose him (from an extrovert - what a cool “aunt” I grabbed). In fact, an introvert is not looking for power over a woman, but, on the contrary, subordination to her, of course, if she does not abuse this power.
Family problems that arise in the life of a “normal” introvert are connected with the fact that very soon he turns into a henpecked man, and a woman begins to rule the ball. At the same time, she feels deceived, because she was looking for a male male, and not a husband-child. A woman wants to change the situation and does not find anything better than endlessly sawing and blaming a worthless husband for nothing, depriving him of her affection and love. A man instead of the former warden - mother gets another, even more cruel. Such couples stop having sex and live out their lives almost as strangers to each other.
Do not think that an introvert will run to his mistress, in this case the wife will cheat, and the husband will have no choice but to patiently wait and be jealous of an unfaithful passion, however, he will be jealous like a little boy whom mommy left for another baby.
What is the role of an introverted man in the family? Unlike an extrovert, he really wants love, but not the love of a mature man for a woman, but the love of a mother for her child. Therefore, to marry in order to guarantee this constant influx of motherly love and care, but the result of such a decision is another annoyed mother.
And usually in such couples, the wife is the active link, which, as a rule, becomes the initiator of marriage. It is not necessary that she does this in an open form, she knows how to lead a man to the very decision of marriage, which he takes for granted, hoping that by doing so he ensures lifelong love and care for himself. On his own initiative, an introverted man can make an offer only if he is crazy and passionately in love with a woman inaccessible to him. It is by this act that he can attract her attention to himself, otherwise she would simply pass by without looking in his direction. Of course, a strong and long relationship in this case is out of the question.
In addition to the main two types of men, there is also a separate group of men - the so-called "NON-normal" introverts and extroverts.
These are men who have normal self-esteem, balanced and quite adequate, not looking for a mother in a woman or an object for submission.

Functions of a man in the family
When a man decides to marry, he is actually already preparing to become a father. The first daughter of a man is his wife. If he is not ready to take care of her, always love and forgive her like a child, then you should not even think about marriage. A woman in her heart always remains a little girl who needs her father's love and affection.

1. A man should be a leader - to be the head of the house. This does not mean that the husband dictates to his wife what to do. A good leader has a close relationship with his "team", knows about all its problems and solves them.

2. Provide. A man must remember this great responsibility. The function of material support is one of the most ancient male functions, because. it appeared with the emergence of the patriarchal family; moreover, it was the appointment of a man responsible for the welfare of the house that led to the reorganization of the institution of the family into a monogamous union.

3. The economic function is a very conflictogenic function, because often men do not fulfill their household duties, but categorically refuse to let a strange man into the house to perform these duties.

4. A man must love. A woman needs proof of love all the time. Signs of attention, help around the house, communication - this is an opportunity to show your love to your wife.

5. Psychological function - a function necessary to maintain a positive atmosphere in the family; it is realized in spending free time together with family members, rest, etc.

6. Sexual function - satisfaction of the sexual needs of one's own and one's partner; often the so-called sexual incompatibility is called the cause of many divorces and breaks, but, as practice shows, this is just an excuse, the reason lies much deeper.

7. Understanding - a man must understand some things:
- it is important for a woman that a man understands that he is a provider;
- it is important for a woman that a man understands the differences between them (psychological and emotional);
- a man needs to understand that the biggest wound to a woman can be caused by ignoring, therefore attention, communication and respect are her most important needs;
- It is important for a woman to see the friendly relations of her husband with children.

8. Reproductive function - reproduction in children of the number of parents.

9. The educational function is very important, although it is often leveled; a father for children is primarily an example of behavior with women (for a boy) and an understanding of the attitude that men deserve (for a girl).

Man as father

At all times, the place of the father in the family was great and nothing could be replaced. By nature and society, every man is prepared to become a husband, a father, just like every woman is a mother and wife. A person always thinks about what will remain after him when he passes away. No wonder it is noticed that a person is like a tree, powerful with its roots. Therefore, entering into marriage, a man takes on a huge responsibility - to be a father, a support in the family.
However, with the spread of the urban lifestyle, in fact, more and more family life led by a woman-wife, mother. The authority of the father fell significantly, due to the reduction in his share of participation in family affairs. Modern apartments have everything and children often do not see their father's work example. His work is almost completely taken out of the family. Another thing is the mother. Although she also works in production, the working day at home also exists.
However, all the same, the father is the strength, mind and support of the family in everyday matters. Fatherhood is also a test of a man's social and moral maturity. There are always young people who marry, but are afraid of fatherhood or are not ready for it.
A child is a great test of the strength of a family. In practice, there are couples who lived normally before the birth of their first child, and after his birth worsened their communication. The husband more and more often does not appear at home, avoids the child and his wife. This may indicate the absence, underdevelopment of paternal feelings or paternal culture, although unpleasant, but without being something pathological.
In fairness, it can be noted that the feeling of fatherhood is born somewhat later than the feeling of motherhood. Aristotle noticed that men become truly fathers later than women become mothers. Young people rarely leave their wives due to the lack of children.
More often this is manifested in men with a developed spirit of ownership, who want to have heirs, their continuation on earth.
In our time, the Russian reality is such that in kindergartens and schools mostly women work with children, and the lack of male influence on children is becoming tangible. Even a short absence of a father leads to the fact that children (especially boys) begin to develop cowardice, isolation, isolation, stubbornness, and aggressiveness. Therefore, fathers must make up for the deficit of their influence in family relationships. Otherwise, education will be flawed.
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