How to get rid of mental pain after breaking up: advice from a psychologist. Mental pain - how to cope and get rid of?

A person experiences mental pain for various reasons. Some lose loved ones, others part with a loved one. It is not always possible to suppress sadness and start from scratch. Healing spiritual wounds takes time, effort and constant work on yourself. A depressed state often results in a prolonged depression, so it is important to find a balance in time so as not to aggravate the situation.

Unleash your feelings

Do not ignore the fact that sadness is pulling you deeper. The heart hurts, but the soul cries, this is normal. Turn on the hot shower and cry, beat the mattress, scream, just don't keep it all to yourself. Try to find a balance that makes you feel as comfortable as possible.

Do not fake smile, pretending that everything is fine. Also, you do not need to constantly think about what happened, provoking a nervous breakdown. Home meditation or yoga classes will help you find harmony. These directions are created for the healing of the soul and solitude with one's own "I".

In cases where the above methods do not fit, create a "sanctuary" in your apartment. Arrange a cozy corner, hang pastel-colored curtains, buy soft pillows. Obviously, at first you won’t want to go outside for a long time, but you shouldn’t delay it. When tears roll over again, return to your cozy corner, brew a mug of green tea with honey and close your eyes.

Control your actions and mind

It is not uncommon for a person to experience mental pain and remain in it for a long time. Try to find a way out so as not to drown in despair. It's one thing if you decide to wait a week to cope with the torment, another thing - when you fell into a prolonged depression.

During heart suffering, each of us goes through certain stages on the path to healing (grief, anger, indifference, anxiety, fear and humility). Analyze your own actions, think about what helps you move forward.

Perhaps the transition from sadness to dissatisfaction was carried out with the help of physical exertion or constant employment at work. When motivation is found, use it to move on to the rest of the stages up to accepting what happened.

There are no such people who are able to do without social communication. Relatives and friends will always support you, fill the void with advice or words of regret. Invite a friend to visit, cook a delicious dinner or order pizza at home, turn on an interesting movie on a neutral topic. Speak out, ask what she would do in your place, listen to good advice.

Get in the habit of having these get-togethers every night over a cup of tea or delicious ice cream. Do not drink alcohol, even in small quantities. Under the influence of alcohol, strong emotions will rush in, which you definitely won’t be able to cope with.

If communication with people is not suitable, get a diary. Conduct a frank dialogue in it, transfer all the pain and accumulated torment to paper. When the time comes and you can let go of what happened, you will need to burn the written sheets and move on to a new stage.

Would you like to keep a diary? It's okay, get a pet. You should not buy a dog if you are not ready for such a serious step. Choose a parrot (preferably a talking one), a cat or fish. The new inhabitant will give strength, because he needs attention, affection and communication. Focus on your pet, take care of it, put all your love and strength into it.

Take away material memories

If you have lost loved one, do not throw away his things, it will be mean. Collect them in a box, carefully place them in the far corner of the cabinet. Restore everything to its place when the pain subsides. If you broke up with a loved one who broke your heart with his own actions, get rid of the "evidence" forever. Take personal items, shaving accessories, photo frames to the trash. Delete pictures from PC and phone, erase the number.

If not all items make you remember what happened, sort it. Take the thing in your hand and pay attention to the first associations. Wall collage makes you cry? Remove and dispose of it. Does the smell of perfume drive you crazy? Remove from sight. Bed linen does not cause negative feelings? Leave. Repeat the steps for each item that misleads you.

Take a break from what's happening

Pick up the book you've been dreaming of reading for a long time. Start watching a new series or find a hobby. Sign up for a dance class, take a trial class of stretching, Pilates or yoga. Call your friends, invite them to bowling, water park or picnic. Try to spend as little time as possible alone, communicate with interesting people.

If professional employment involves a continuous workflow, go into business with your head. Upgrade your skills or learn a new specialty. Visit distant relatives, take a field trip every weekend.

Well, if there are opportunities to go abroad. It is not necessary to buy expensive tours for 2 weeks, a three-day trip to the sea or to countries with a large concentration of attractions will be enough.

When a person begins to fantasize or imagine good moments, he is automatically healed. There is nothing wrong with dreams, visualize everything to the smallest detail. Imagine swimming in the sea or driving a car you just bought.

Carve out 15-20 minutes a day for a flight of fancy. During a short stay in the virtual world, the border with reality is erased, existing problems become less important.

Turn on your favorite music, get in a comfortable position, and close your eyes. Experts have repeatedly proven that music therapy has a beneficial effect on the nervous system and improves mood. The endorphins released fight stress and smooth out the difficult perception of reality. After 5 sessions, the attitude to what is happening changes, forces appear for new achievements.

Avoid sad memories

You have already got rid of things that can remind you of what happened. On the this stage it is necessary to suppress the negative memories that bring you to the original state. An ordinary song played that day, or a walk in familiar places, can provoke new stress.

It is not forbidden to think about what happened, but thoughts should be directed in a positive direction. If you notice that sadness is about to set in, switch to something neutral or cheerful. Go for a walk where you have not been before, go to a river or lake.

Time will pass, you will learn to live with it, you can easily switch from a once painful topic to completely opposite things. Now it seems to you that it will not get better, but it is not. Soon events will remain in the past, and you will find the strength to move on.

It is impossible to survive the heartache without changing yourself. Change the situation in the apartment, make cosmetic repairs, rearrange the furniture. If you do not want to be in this home, move to a new house or another city.

Pay attention to appearance

Get your hair, face, figure in order. Go shopping and buy beautiful things that fit perfectly. Find an extreme hobby, go swimming or learn how to snowboard.

Do not shave your head, beat tattoos or paint in bright colors. Leave such changes for later. Meet new people, spend more time with them. Such a move will not allow every half an hour to discuss the unfortunate events that have occurred.

Develop materially and enrich spiritually

Master the literature on sociology, history, psychology or business. Find a profitable job, set a goal and move forward to achieve it. In order not to relax, make a bet with your friends.

Do not keep emotions in your head, in such cases, the risk of depression is likely. Invite friends to visit, talk, spend time having heartfelt conversations. Watch thoughts and actions, do not impose memories by force. Step back, find an interesting business, go to visit relatives or friends.

Video: how to overcome heartache

Mental pain is a painful emotional state that can last from a few hours to months. Prolonged emotional discomfort leads to a loss of a sense of joy, interferes with work, maintain contacts with others, and complicates a person’s social life.

Mental anguish is not always destructive for a person. They can manifest as a defense mechanism: this is how the psyche protects itself from excessive stress.

To answer the question "how to deal with mental pain", you must first understand what it is and what are the causes of emotional suffering.

Describing his feelings, a person, as a rule, cannot specify what exactly hurts him. However, there are times when mental pain finds expression in bodily sensations:

• feeling of nausea, vomiting;
• feeling of heaviness in the limbs;
• pain in the abdomen or stomach;
• burning sensation in the chest;
• cardiac arrhythmias.

Often a person characterizes his emotional background, as "a complete lack of feelings, numbness, a feeling of unreality of events", anxiety, apathy, depression.

Who is more likely to suffer

It should be noted that people with certain personal characteristics are more susceptible to painful emotions:

• increased anxiety;
• low self-esteem;
• perfectionism;
• heightened sense of duty and responsibility to others;
• inability to adapt to changing conditions of life.

• addictions (alcoholism, drug addiction);
• epilepsy;
• affective insanity;
• hysterical disorder;
• hypochondria;
• phobic anxiety.

The most common case of the disease is depression. It can have sad consequences for a person, so it is better to seek help from a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Difficulty in therapy heartache lies in the fact that a person with a pathology of the psyche loses a sense of reality and ceases to critically perceive his condition. A healthy person seeks support from others. If the pain is the result of a mental illness, then self-treatment is excluded.

The feeling of mental pain often means that a person could not "digest" some strong experiences and they settled in his subconscious. Often the feeling of mental pain is a peculiar way of interacting with others. A person attracts attention to himself, receives sympathy, warmth, guardianship from significant people.

Causes of mental pain

Physiological causes.

Human emotions are chemical in nature. Negative feelings can be the result of a lack of certain substances in the body: dopamine, serotonin. Hormonal fluctuations are characteristic of men and women. In the latter, these manifestations are seen better, especially during the period of premenstrual syndrome or after childbirth. In men, such "hot flashes" also occur, but are more smoothed. If the reaction to the processes occurring in life greatly exceeds their significance, it makes sense to think about the physiological nature of mental pain.

Conflict of expectations and reality.

A person's sense of his place in life sometimes does not coincide with the real picture of the world. This realization can be very painful, leading to emotional distress and, at times, to depression. To stop suffering about this, you need to reconsider your attitude.

1. Determine your true wants and needs. In the age of active propaganda of the “correct life” by the mass media, standards of beauty, happiness, wealth, success are imposed on a person. As a result, he adopts the values ​​instilled in him and begins to suffer that he does not have something. It is worth distinguishing your own needs from false, imposed ones.
2. Get rid of false expectations. Too much desire controlling your life brings anxiety, resentment, anger, as well as psychosomatic illnesses. To feel harmonious, you need to learn to “let go of the reins” and let life take its course.
3. Create your own hierarchy of goals. Understanding what is most valuable in life, and what is secondary. You can save a lot of energy without paying attention to difficulties. You have to learn to follow your own guidelines.

The specifics of the mentality.

In Russian culture, the love of suffering is a folk pastime.

How to relieve mental pain? With emotional suffering, a person covers up his unwillingness to grow up and take responsibility for his life. Often he himself accumulates a feeling of emotional and physical tension due to the fact that he constantly returns to a painful situation or conversation.

After parting with a young man, the girl looks at his photo for days, listens to sad music and cries. In this situation, unbearable mental suffering is akin to masochism. Some people have a specific personality structure in which suffering and life are one and the same.

Subjective factors.

Sometimes a person himself "grows" his pain. This happens when he associates any negative feeling with a lived stressful situation. For example, 10 years after a divorce, a person cannot find a mate. Personal life may not develop for a number of reasons that are not related to the previous gap: personality traits, inability to choose a partner, unwillingness to bear responsibility, etc. But for him, the previous failure has become a kind of "anchor" that interferes with the realization of a person.

The mechanism of the occurrence of mental suffering from the point of view of psychology

Suppose a person has some significant event in his life that has a negative connotation. This can be serious stress: death or separation, divorce, job loss, relationship breakup. significant person, bankruptcy. Events that objectively do not cause serious damage to the psyche can also be traumatic. For a person, they acquire super-significance. In response to a traumatic event, a pronounced emotionally colored negative reaction occurs. Under the influence of a personal assessment (a person experiences what happened), a stable negative experience appears.

Mental pain takes on a deep lasting character. A person has a number of important psychological links that determine his comfortable state of mind. Psychologists believe that when a person loses any significant object, this link is lost.

There is a theory according to which mental pain is deeply subjective, it exists separately from the body and does not manifest itself in it. American neuropsychologists studied the images taken by magnetic resonance imaging and concluded that mental suffering affects the activity of the physiological systems of the body. A person suffers - at this time, the neurons of the limbic system of the brain are activated.

In psychology, there is a concept - psychogenic pain. This condition occurs when emotional suffering is reflected in physiology, but is not associated with visible pathologies.

How to deal with heartache

The first thing to understand is that suffering cannot be suppressed.

You need to give free rein to your emotions.

If there is a desire to cry - you need to cry, to scream - then you need to scream. At the same time, you should not constantly think about the source of your suffering, otherwise the recovery process may be delayed.

unbearable mental pain after a breakup

Adaptation of the psyche to new conditions occurs depending on several factors:

• age;
• the degree of significance of the event;
• individual personality traits;
• features of the central nervous system.

Excessive dramatization worsens the well-being of the individual, unsettles and interferes with normal life. If there is such a feature, it is recommended to allocate time for yourself to suffer. For example, half an hour every evening. This method helps to tone the body.

An excellent tool in the fight against mental pain is sports in all its manifestations. During active physical activity, hormones are produced in the body that improve mood and well-being. If it is not possible to constantly engage in sports, then it is recommended to walk for at least an hour a day.

Regular full sleep good way restore peace of mind and cope with emotional suffering. It is in a dream that the body processes the information received during the day, overcomes stress.

Communication with loved ones helps to speed up healing. Don't be afraid to ask for help and support if you need it.

A resource for healing can be found in charitable work and volunteering. If mental pain is caused by the loss of a loved one, then contact with people who also need care and support helps to experience sad emotions. More than half of the volunteers of hospitals and hospices are people who have lost their loved ones.

Mental pain finds emotional expression in tension and static "fading" of the muscles of the face. You can remove these manifestations by doing gymnastics for the face or simply chewing gum. Suffering and chewing are incompatible processes!

How to deal with heartache after a breakup

The process of experiencing grief after the loss of a loved one, whether it be death, divorce or separation, is identical.

On the way to recovery, a person must go through several stages. Emotions can be varied: anger, guilt, resentment, hatred, self-pity, irritability, alienation.

There is no recipe for healing from heartache after loss or separation. But you can reduce the manifestation of some symptoms. A person must give himself time to experience mental anguish in order to free himself from them.

A good way to survive the heartache after a breakup is constant employment and personal development. You can afford to do what has long attracted you: go dancing, do yoga, join a travel club, start writing poetry, attend exhibitions, etc. After a while, you will be able to find peace of mind.

Practicing psychologists believe that the recovery process almost always involves tears, suffering, and rethinking one's life. If you feel like crying, cry, there's nothing wrong with that. An outburst of emotions will speed up your recovery.

Video with an interesting technique that will help get rid of mental pain.

Mental pain is also called the pain of the soul body. Sometimes it is more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disruption of the work of all internal organs and brings malfunctions of the whole organism. More about heartache

What is mental pain?

This is a state of mind that is not associated with disorders of body functions. mental disorder leads to heartache. Then they say "my soul hurts." Mental pain occurs when we are very worried about some event or a person close to us.

heartache may not let go of a person when his ideas do not agree with what happens in reality. Most of our experiences leading to depression (often long-term and not passing) arise due to patterns that have formed in our brain, and the reality is completely different from what we expected it to be. This leads to disappointment and heartache.

How is emotional pain experienced?

A person can experience mental pain clearly - and this is good, because emotions are expressed and fade over time. Or a person experiences mental pain secretly, and sometimes, suffering, does not want to admit it to himself. Then he gets rid of mental pain in several ways. Mental pain is transferred from the conscious sensation to the subconscious. A person thinks that he is no longer suffering, but this is not so. In fact, it applies the methods:

• pain avoidance
• resistance to pain by transferring it to the subconscious

If a person is more inclined to demonstrate his feelings and actions, then he begins to look for a way out of getting rid of mental pain, he can consult with acquaintances, friends, or seek salvation in removing the root of the problem. For example, relationships with children cause mental pain - then a person is looking for ways to find a common language with them.

The method of avoidance is that a person simply does not recognize the problem, says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself that he is sick in soul because of something. Then the mental pain remains, but it passes into an implicit, subconscious form, and it is very difficult to get rid of this state, it torments a person much longer, like an open recognition and pronunciation of a problem.

Hidden heartache

Such pain can last for years, changing the character, actions of a person and affecting his relationship with others - relatives, colleagues. A person with heartache may begin to attract negative people into his life, change the level of acquaintances or refuse them altogether, having stopped communicating with people.

Mental pain does not allow a person to create, well, with a soul, to work, it even changes the character of a person. At the same time, he may not even understand what is happening to him.

Some situations may remind a person of the one that caused him mental pain many years ago. But a person who drove his emotions into the subconscious many years ago can cry and worry, not understanding what is happening to him, just watching some scene from a movie.

In such cases, if you yourself cannot cope with mental pain, you need the help of a psychiatrist, psychologist or just a loved one who can listen to you and understand you.

Heartache by Edwin Shneidman

Psychologist Shneidman gave the following definition of mental pain: “It is in no way similar to bodily or physical pain. Mental pain is those experiences that a person feels as a person. Heartache is pain for one's own unique human self.

mental pain arises as suffering, torment, melancholy, confusion. Mental pain is generated by grief, loneliness, feelings of guilt, shame, humiliation, fear of something inevitable - death, aging, physical illness.

How to get rid of mental pain?

To get rid of mental pain, one way is to eliminate its cause. If among the causes of mental pain is the behavior of a person, his attitude towards you, your conflicts with someone, then you need to remove these causes, and not work with your emotions in relation to them.

For example, if you're having trouble with your boss at work that causes you heartache, it's worth working on your relationship with him, not how you feel about it. That is, removing the very cause of heartache: finding a common language with your boss or quitting - perhaps this is not your way.

If mental pain is caused by a situation that can no longer be changed (for example, the death or illness of a loved one), it is worth working on your emotions and perception of reality. An experienced psychologist can help with this if you can’t cope on your own.

How do you deal with the pain of losing someone or something?

It is very difficult. For psychological rehabilitation in case of loss, for example, of a loved one, it takes from six months to a year. And only then you can start building a love relationship with another person, psychologists advise. Otherwise, you will go in the same circle and make the same mistakes.

To deal with heartache in case of loss, you must, firstly, admit to yourself that the situation has already happened. This will ease your condition, open the way for pain. Secondly, you need to go through a period of pain, come to your senses. Don't rush into this.

And then you need to build a new future for yourself without this person or these circumstances. For example, without a loved one or a favorite job. Build everything in detail so that you can imagine "what and how will happen to you when this is not there." Most often, the real world really becomes the way you build it for yourself in your imagination.

Do not confuse emotional pain with other emotions

Heartache can actually hide under other masks. Therefore, it can be confused, for example, with anger, resentment, disappointment. That is, in fact, you experience other emotions, and the ways of liberation from them are different. Understanding what you are experiencing and how to mitigate or transform these feelings will help a psychologist or psychotherapist.

How to get rid of mental pain in simple ways?

There are several ways that first muffle the heartache, and then remove it altogether.

1. Find a person or people who are worse off than you. And start taking care of them. That is, you will switch your attention to another object and will not think so much about your experiences. It can be children from an orphanage, an old woman from a neighboring house, a kitten that you will take in a shelter.
2. Learn deep breathing systems with a long inlet and a short exhalation. Proper breathing will help the cells of your body recover, the nervous system will strengthen, and over time, mental pain will pass.
3. Make it a rule to say something nice to at least one person every day. The positive emotions of others can be transferred to you.
4. Get enough sleep, because during sleep, many body functions are restored, including the work of nerve cells.
5. Remove muscle tension. During our experiences, the muscles shrink, muscle clamps arise. They can be removed by dancing, exercising, jogging, push-ups and any other physical activity. You can just walk - at least half an hour a day.
6. Sign up for a massage course. Massage is also able to remove muscle blocks and clamps and give good mood. The pain in your heart will be much less as soon as you let the positivity into your soul.

heartache- this is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with mental pain?

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something every day pleasing to people, positive emotions will also be transmitted to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he himself creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. That's why great importance has the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences.

Alexandra :

• Vedmesh N.A:

  Hello Alexandra. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. Take it as an experience. Often, young girl friends train with each other in the skill of kissing (for future relationships with the opposite sex).

  Lukanov M.:

  Hello Alexandra, if a girl kissed you, this does not mean that automatically, you have turned into the same as her. What happened to you is called temptation. In this or another sphere, it is inherent in people, as a sad result of the fall of man. You need to go to the temple, do not hesitate to go to confession. Look around in the temple, find a priest who would suit you, at least identify by appearance. Say do not be afraid of what your conscience reproaches you with. The result will be, believe me. After that, live on, and do not look back, you should not have anything to do with it. Date a guy, start a family, kids). Happiness to you.

Linaria :

I am 22 years old. I study in Yekaterinburg, I am a non-resident myself. Closer to the beginning of the new academic year, it turned out that I was not given a place in the hostel. There is no place to live, you have to study. I was rescued by a friend who offered to live in his one-room apartment. I agreed because I had no other choice. Everything went fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I realized that I liked my neighbor (although I already knew this), and later it turned into a severe form of falling in love. One-sided feelings are tearing me apart from the inside. I told a friend about my feelings, but nothing changed from this, except for the tension between us. I was trapped. I can't move out and try to stay away from him, because in that case I'll just end up on the street, and at the same time I can't overcome my feelings being around. What to do with it, I just have no idea. Can you help me please?

• Vedmesh N.A:

  Hello Linaria. We recommend that you do not fight with your feelings inside yourself, if you resist them, it will only get worse in your soul. Try to switch to other guys, even if you don't feel like it. With a guy, don’t touch on the topic of feelings anymore and he will eventually decide that you have calmed down. Tension has arisen between you because the guy cannot reciprocate your feelings. Continue living in his apartment and focus on your studies (session coming soon).

Albina:

Hello. I have such a situation. I had a relationship with a man for 12 years. She loved deeply, but he turned out to be a coward and does not want to admit it. When our relationship began to loosen, he began to demand back all the gifts, took everything down to underwear. Although he had no less gifts and equivalent ones. Insults began to pour in. Time has passed, and I have such an emptiness inside that no matter what I fill it with, I still return to the starting point. Travel, friends, hobbies, nothing helps. He stands before his eyes. And completely bewildered, how could he do this?

• Vedmesh N.A:

  Hello Albina. We recommend that you switch to other men and stop worrying about unsuccessful past relationships. “He is in front of my eyes. And complete confusion, how could he do this? - He did what he usually does. Just for you, such qualities in character are not acceptable. You and your ex are different, so you should not feel sorry for him.

Nataliya :

Hello, I would appreciate your help. We have been living together with my gr.husband for 3 years. At the time of our meeting, he was married, but divorced to be with me. He is best person in the world in relation to me, I did not think that it was possible to love like that. And I also love him endlessly, but then one day he declares that he was disappointed in me, almost fell out of love, does not want to live with me, but immediately said that he does not drive, he lives with me out of pity. My husband is very wealthy, he fully supports me, and to my question, what are we going to do now, he said so and we will live on and the horror began. Yes, we live together, he also provides for me, we sleep in the same bed, but there is no intimate relationship, we don’t talk, only on domestic issues, although it happens that he himself speaks and laughs and seems to thaw. On my question, what is the reason for the disappointment, he did not answer. I'm just going quietly crazy. I love him, he is the dearest in life. What to do? How to build relationships? He has a child and I have from a previous marriage. He treated my child well, sincerely, and then he said that he did not want me to bring my daughter, because he only sees his on weekends. The child is with the grandmother and thank God that she does not see this nightmare. The situation has been dragging on for 2 months, we live like this. Help! How to save a family? For all my attempts to build relationships like a wall. He said he didn't want anything. This has never happened. He says that he does not want anything, that it is better to die, but many people will suffer. God, I'm just going crazy. Tell me, can a man live out of pity? In my opinion, this is simply absurd. And it lasts for a month. And I don't know how long it will last. I will endure everything, if only he thawed.

• Vedmesh N.A:

  Hello Natalia. Your great desire to save the family is understandable, but in order to know in which direction to move, you need to know the reason, what is wrong, what does not suit your spouse. If the husband has no desire for intimacy, this is already a signal for alarm, it is worth considering.
  Try to figure it out on your own male psychology, watch him, study his habits. At this stage, you can adapt to the lifestyle of your spouse and thereby try not to annoy him, you should also become the person he needs and try to share his interests.
  Out of pity, wives often live with unloved husbands, and men (a small percentage) can live out of a sense of duty.
  We recommend to read:
  

  Hello Olesya, the fact that your husband has such a health problem is, of course, an unpleasant situation. Maybe you can try, take a baby from a baby house, or from an orphanage. How many kids are left without parental love. Find with your husband the strength to take and give at least one of them your love, support and protection. It is clear that this is a very responsible step, but if you don’t try, you will reproach yourself all your life that there was at least a small chance to experience maternal happiness, but you didn’t use it. The husband should try to explain that life is not eternal, he will grow old over time, his strength will leave him, and in his old age there will be no one to worry about him, to give a glass of water.
  Olesya, if you are a believer, at least a little, come to the temple, sincerely pray from a pure heart to God to help you in your difficult task, and He will really help you and the heartache will go back to where it came from.
  I sincerely wish you to get rid of your spiritual burden, and feel that unique lightness of life to which we are called by God.

  Olesya:

  I have a second marriage. When she got married, she was happy and was waiting for a long-awaited pregnancy, but the pregnancy never came ... They lived together for 7 years. My husband has infertility, the chance for IVF is 20%. She categorically does not want a donor child. I'm exhausted, I really want a baby. (he also wants to, but he probably understands that it won’t work out and somehow resigned himself, but I can’t) I’m 37, in a couple of months 38 is already the limit, but I never gave birth. She began to treat her husband worse, began to eat herself, that she made the wrong choice and him, in turn, that she hid her infertility from me and constantly reassured me that he would soon undergo treatment and we would become pregnant.
  I can't live with it... I'm tired. I'm afraid to break wood. I can not forgive him and be left without the desired baby. How to be!? Mental pain drowns consciousness, interferes with life.

  • Vedmesh N.A:

    Hello Olesya. The situation is difficult. Your desire to have a child is understandable. While there is still time, it is necessary to think how else to solve this problem. It makes sense to go to a family psychologist with your husband so that a specialist can help you and your husband sort out the problem (so that your husband finds out how important it is for you to have a child, that you are unhappy in a relationship due to the lack of the opportunity to realize yourself in motherhood) and contribute to making the right decision.

Artem:

I am 35, in my childhood (5 years old) the older boys forced me to do something that I don’t say out loud all day. The parents found out, but chose not to make a fuss. Further substance abuse, psychotropics, criminal records, terms. In the direction to the hospital, the diagnosis was F 18-26. For a long time I was sure that I was communicating with aliens in my head.
When passing the commission in the military registration and enlistment office they gave a certificate: Limited capacity art. 117 B. I consider myself a spiritual cripple. Mental pain sometimes leads to bouts of deaf crying, resentment. And there is no one to talk to and talk about. I can't do this anymore. Help!:

Hello! I am 29 years old. Went through a breakup with a boyfriend. They met for 6 years, it was going to the wedding, but the guy started endogenous depression. After six months of agony and fruitless attempts to help, I ended the relationship. Six months later, there were new short-term and unsuccessful relationships, where they already left me. Now another six months have passed and I have more or less accepted and experienced the past, but I am tormented by a strong pain of loneliness. In general, she torments me even after the first parting. At first, I had a fixed idea, to find compensatory relationships, which led to a disastrous result. Now I am delving into self-contemplation and self-development with varying degrees of success. I can work productively, but I understand that I can’t do anything about the pain of loneliness. I can get distracted, but sometimes I fall into despair. It is rare to be happy. There was a lack of self-confidence and distrust of people + fear that I would never be able to meet my man. The calm state is replaced by panic and it is impossible to control this process. Relationships have always been in the first place for me and I just can’t learn to appreciate what I have and enjoy an independent life. I would be grateful for any hints. Thank you!

• Vedmesh N.A:

• Yaroslav :

  The factor in the appearance of mental pain and the ease of overcoming it does not depend on gender, and in this case, to treat the situation stereotypically is wrong. Every person is unique and everyone has their own pain threshold. Not a single psychologist will give an exact recipe if he approaches the situations that occur in people in a stereotyped way. Yes, in many ways they are similar, but the manifestations and perception of the situation are individual for everyone. I will speak for myself, I did not manage to get rid of the mental pain and I have to somehow live with it. At times there comes a period of return of memories, which is given by pain on the physical level, it is quite felt. It is easy to understand the situation, to find the reason too, it is impossible to forgive a person if you are not to blame for anything, and he blames you for everything, although it is completely his fault. Of course, you can do something else, some other distracting things, without enthusiasm, but this does not save. Thoughts and memories always come back.

  • Larisa:

    Probably, it was not your man, and this is your comfort. I have a similar situation, we broke up after 2 years of a stormy romance, mostly at a distance, he blames me for what didn’t happen, and I’m offended that he thinks so of me and I can’t prove anything. And is it necessary? For the second month after separation, I feel such longing and suffering, it seems that it will never end. But I console myself with the fact that it was still not my man. Those who love for real, they don't do that. You need more communication, I think so, it saves me, even all sorts of comments, communication in social networks. And you need to learn to control your thoughts, not to go deep into them and drive them away, try it. And it’s even better to get to know each other if a decent amount of time has passed since the breakup. Don't get hung up. Forgive and let go. Read other recommendations, for example, I found in Google 6 steps after breaking up. I wish you success! I hope I helped a little 🙂

    • Yaroslav :

      Thanks Larisa. Only in my case it is unrealistic to forget. You can hate, but this pain will not go away, but on the contrary. I am forced to see my daughter at the former, they did not give her to me, and this pain is even stronger. I tried new relationships. It all comes down to the fact that there is no longer trust, and the relationship is falling apart at my request. I just live .. Come what may.

Galina:

• Vedmesh N.A:

  Hello Galina. The point is to seek explanations from a man if he has made a final decision for himself. Now you need to think about how to cope with this situation and recover mentally as quickly as possible. It is required for yourself to realize and accept his decision, mentally thank the Universe for those wonderful days that you were together and let him go. After all, all this could not be. Remember what Mark Twain wrote: “There are only two things we will regret on our deathbed – that we loved little and traveled little.” When you get rid of these relationships, your heart will be free and wish for new relationships, you will definitely attract them with your desire.
  We recommend to read:
  
  
  

Irina :

I am 54 years old. All my life I dream of love. But even in my youth, I could never talk to guys, let alone meet - as if it were a shame for me. And as if it would make people smile. She married at the age of 28 to a man from a dating service. But he turned out to be a drinker, a year later I left him, because it was unbearable. She gave birth and raised a son. And I still can’t meet, fall in love - the reason is the same. I have never experienced a man's love for me. If sometimes one of the men says something good to me, I am sure that he is pretending or mocking me. From loneliness for 10-15 years there has been depression, I didn’t realize it right away, I just didn’t have the mood, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t want to see anyone, etc. Now depression makes itself felt with prolonged bouts of melancholy, anxiety. I can't feel joy. There is no feeling of pleasure. As if there is no strength. I drank rexetine four years ago and something else for sleep. I could not sleep for two days and did not even yawn. Then she fell, 2 operations on her knee, then her mother died. Life has become quite bleak. I went to psychologists, but depression does not go away. I don't know how to deal with it. What should I do, tell me?

Regular failures in the love field and a prolonged lack of career growth, sad news about the loss of a loved one and oppressive loneliness are the prerequisites for the occurrence of severe pain in the depths of the soul. Such a phenomenon cannot be cured by taking an effective pill or mixture. The consciousness of a person who is in depression acquires a coma.

It will not be possible to diagnose the problem that has appeared, because no medicines have been found to treat the above symptoms in the 21st century. Soothing capsules and psychotropic drugs can aggravate the current situation, harming the consciousness damaged by grief and feelings. It is not surprising that people have a question: How to relieve severe mental pain? What is the best way to bring a loved one back to a fulfilling life? Where is the formula for success hidden? How to get rid of low self-esteem?

Mental pain appears in people who were not mentally prepared for the events that occurred. If you set yourself up in advance various options development of the situation, it will be much easier to realize the fait accompli

How to deal with emotional pain: a step-by-step guide to action

To solve the problem, it is recommended to contact a psychologist who correctly diagnoses the cause of spiritual experiences by offering his own method of healing. However, it also becomes possible to get rid of severe pain, which every minute absorbs the consciousness of a person. Most importantly, follow the simple sequence of actions recommended below:

• Find the cause of the emotional pain.
• Do not deny the existence of depression by accepting past events as an element of the past.
• Realize the magnitude of the situation.
• Decide on the consequences by projecting the most "terrible" picture of events.
• Compare the results obtained with the scale of the situation. Are the realities not so harsh?
• Change the familiar environment, gradually arousing interest in life in the mind.
• Get rid of the reminders of the past event by “opening” a new page of your own being.
• Enjoy the positive moments while avoiding the negative ones.
• Learn to live in a new format, becoming happy.

It is difficult to console a person solely with words and encouraging phrases. To restore mutual understanding with the damaged consciousness of a close friend and lover, you will have to be around regularly, restoring the lost trust. Remember that severe mental pain causes a state of apathy towards the world, aggression towards people, hatred for the events that have happened. Do not transfer this spectrum of emotions to yourself, because your loved one does not want to offend you - at this moment it is very difficult for him.

If you regularly train emotional stability, you can prevent the occurrence of mental pain. Rational perception of past events is a reliable base for a balanced and invulnerable person

Options for solving the problem at different ages

If you want to help a loved one get rid of mental pain, be sure to consider his age. At different intervals of life, the worldview of people has a distinct similarity, so the methods for solving the problem are identical:

• Age 5–10 years.

In children, spiritual experiences arise because of the unfulfilled promises of parents who did not fulfill the cherished dream of the child. Encouraging such a format of behavior is an inappropriate decision by adults, but you need to help the baby during such a period. To “free” the mind of the offspring from negative thoughts, an unplanned trip to an amusement park is enough. You can buy a young explorer who is exploring the world a portion of ice cream or a new toy - most importantly, a moment of surprise that causes positive emotions in the child.

• Age 10–18 years.

In such a period of time, mental pain becomes a consequence of the betrayal of a loved one or appears after a series of failures negatively perceived by peers. Panic attacks that take over the mind of a teenager slow down the process of growing up, preventing the child from being realized in society. The only rational way out of this situation is to switch the attention of a person who is in adolescence to an exciting activity. A new social circle will allow a teenager to painlessly survive a depressive state.

• Age 18–30 years.

To regain peace of mind and emotional balance, you need to regularly be near an adult who is experiencing severe stress. At this age, depression appears after failed love relationships ending in divorce. Discord in the family, lack of communication with the child, dissatisfaction with the authorities, lack of funds - the reasons for the experiences are varied. However, the method of treatment is invariably the same - heart-to-heart talks and a reliable "shoulder" of support.

In an attempt to help, do not become a "hostage" of your own mercy, sharing the worldview of a person experiencing severe mental pain. You should listen, giving him the opportunity to speak out, but disagree, maintaining the format of depressive communication. Be there and prove your loyalty by restoring your loved one's faith in people and a brighter future.