If a man constantly touches a woman value. Male body. Instructions for use

The Meaning and Impact of Interpersonal Touch

Touch has different meanings (Jones & Yarbrough). The authors performed a study in which 39 university students, boys and girls, took part, who for three days recorded the details of all touches, the subjects or objects of which they were. 1500 episodes of social touch were analyzed. Below are the conclusions reached by the authors, as well as data obtained by other researchers.

Touch as a manifestation of positive feelings

Positive touch can mean support, encouragement, approval, sympathy, sexual attraction, or, if the touch is prolonged, it can signal inclusion (for example, "We are together!"). Some touches of the medical staff, if they calm the patient and help him relax, also belong to the category of positive touches. Touches such as a friendly pat on the back and a massage can also express positive feelings, but they can also be perceived as related to the performance of a particular job if they are performed by a professional massage therapist. Psychotherapists also recognize the importance of such touching, which indicates a positive attitude towards the patient, but not too intimate. If touch is taken as evidence of interpersonal sympathy, it can elicit other behaviors, such as the patient becoming more talkative and more sympathetic to medical staff (Aguilera; Pattison). The positive effect caused by even accidental touch can be extended to the entire environment, as evidenced by the library experiment described in the article "The Magic of Touch" and a study conducted in a store where customers touched by Confederate students are more favorably appreciated the store itself (Hornik).

Touch as a manifestation of negative feelings

The students who participated in the study (Jones & Yarbrough, did not report a large number of such touches, but we clearly perceive some touches as a manifestation of negative attitudes and negative emotions. Punching, slapping, squeezing another person's hand tightly so that he cannot run away are all manifestations of anger or frustration. As a general rule, negative touching is more likely among children than among adults.

Touch and discrete emotions

Touch can do more than convey positive or negative emotions in a generalized way. The authors of one study videotaped subjects (those who touched) as they attempted to convey different emotions by touching the palm or forearm of another person (the recipient) (Hertenstein, Keltner, App, Bulleit, & Jaskolka). Viewers who were shown the videos did not just guess, but identified emotions such as anger, fear, happiness, disgust, love, and sympathy. An analysis of the video recordings made it possible to determine exactly how these emotions were conveyed. For example, sympathy was expressed by stroking and caressing movements, anger by blows and strong compression, and disgust by a repulsive movement. The touches also differed in duration and intensity.

Unlike other non-verbal signals, touch can not only be seen, but also felt. The authors of the study mentioned above asked the recipients what emotion they were trying to communicate? The recipients did not see those who touched them - they were hidden by a curtain through which they put their hands - and could only feel touch. They identified anger, fear, disgust, sympathy, love, and gratitude more accurately than if it were just a guess, but other emotions - embarrassment, envy, happiness, and surprise - were not accurately identified by the recipients.

Another way to determine by touch the discrete emotions that a person is experiencing is to feeling with the hands of his face, as the blind do. Even sighted people without special training significantly non-randomly identified six emotions in this way, and most accurately identified happiness, sadness and surprise (Lederman, Klatzky, Abramowicz, Salsman, Kitada, & Hamilton).

Touch like a game

Sometimes we interpret our own touching and being touched as an attempt to lessen the gravity of the message, whether it be sympathy or aggression. When one person makes a fist movement indicating his intention to strike, but stops at the level of the skin of another person, the signal sent by him is deciphered as: “I'm not fighting. I'm playing." The laughter or smile that accompanies this movement can serve as confirmation of such a message. The limit of playful touching is tickling, a phenomenon that attracted the attention of psychologists more than a century ago and about which Charles Darwin wrote. One question is why we can't tickle ourselves, and the second is whether a person must necessarily tickle or there may be some kind of mechanical device in his place. According to (Harris & Christenfeld), the machine may not tickle worse than a man if there is an element of unpredictability in its actions.

Touch as a way to influence

When the purpose of touch is to get the other person to do something, touch is associated with influence. Such touches are called "submissive touches" (Jones & Yarbrough). Waitresses who touch patrons receive larger tips (Crusco & Wetzel), and patrons who are touched while walking by a waitress drink more alcohol than those who are not touched (Kaufman & Mahoney). In those stores where barkers touch customers, the latter spend more time and make more purchases (Hornik). Psychologists who approached students for help by touching their shoulders were much less likely to be rejected (Patterson, Powell, & Lenihan), and those who were touched after agreeing to take part in the survey answered significantly more questionnaire questions than those who agreed but were not touched (Nannberg & Hansen). In one study, a stranger touched for a second or less the hands of people who were asked to hold the leash of a very active large dog while he was away for a pharmacy (Gueguen & Fisher-Lokon). Even this subtle tactile contact was enough for people to agree to fulfill this request. Similarly, a Confederate woman who approached women she didn't know for a cigarette was more likely to get it if she lightly touched the shoulder of the person to whom the request was made. Moreover, unlike the results of the experiment in the library, described in the article “The Magic of Touch”, those who remembered that they were being touched were more willing to fulfill the request. Touch, even without a direct request, can cause a more active desire to help: when the one who touched walked away and dropped his things as if by accident, the one to whom he touched was the first to offer help (Gueguen & Fisher-Lokon). The psychological mechanism underlying these effects is most likely connected to the positive affect and human connection that results (unconsciously) from even a cursory and seemingly insignificant touch of one person to another, although these people are unfamiliar. These results suggest that touch can be used for manipulative purposes. For example, waiters may intentionally touch patrons in order to receive large tips. Of course, such actions can provoke "return fire" if visitors do not like being touched, or if they understand for what purpose it is done.

In addition to using touch to achieve different goals, such as a larger tip or fulfilling a request, people can also use it to achieve more general goals, such as to appear strong, powerful, or confident. Barack Obama, shaking his interlocutor's hand, often squeezes his shoulder with the other hand. He may do this to communicate that he is in control, but he may also do this to show his friendliness. Whatever the president's motive, the recipient may interpret it either as a display of friendly feelings or as a harmless act of interpersonal control. Touch illustrates the ambiguous nature of many non-verbal manifestations: it is difficult for the recipient to understand the intentions of the one who touches, and the toucher is not able to predict the reaction of the recipient.

Touch as a means of communication control

We try to structure or control conversations or elements of conversations in many ways. These "managerial touches" are able to guide communication without interrupting the verbal conversation. By touching the hand, pulling the hand or patting on the shoulder, you can attract attention, show that the conversation is starting (greeting) or ending (farewell); touching can also carry some ritual load, such as touching the head of an infant during baptism.

Touch as a physiological stimulus

Of course, touch is extremely important at all stages of sexual contact. They are also powerful but complex stimuli in everyday life. When people participating in experiments are warned in advance that they will be touched professionally and safely, researchers report a predicted decrease in heart rate (Drescher, Gantt, & Whitehead), which is believed to be indicative of the calming effect of touch and is directly related to important in terms of the evolution of the mother-infant bond. However, when touch is unexpected and/or inexplicable, the heart rate increases. So, in comparison with conditions when women were not touched or touched were expected (for example, if it was necessary to count the pulse), when the male experimenter held his hand on the wrists of women who did not expect this for 10 seconds, their heart rate increased sharply. Moreover, all subjects experienced an increase in blood pressure (Nilsen & Vrana). The results of this study suggest that the influence of touch depends on socio-contextual factors and on the interpretation of touch.

Touch as a manifestation of involvement in communication

Sometimes the meaning attributed to touch is related to the level of involvement in, sensitivity or activity of the communicant (Afifi & Johnson). Sometimes touch simply means that the intensity of communication is high or that the communicant is actively involved in it. Interpersonal receptivity can be considered positive affect when it is shared by both communicators or when one of them feels that the behavior of the other depends on him. Perhaps more than any other non-verbal behavior, tactile behavior, if perceived as intentional, is noticeable in communication; it is almost meant to be noticed and can elicit a strong response, either positive or negative.

Touch associated with the performance of certain actions

There are situations when we need to help someone out of the car, or our hands come into contact with the hands of another person when we pass something to each other. These actions-related touches are what Heslin called "functional/professional touches." As in other cases, two communicants may put different meanings into such a touch, or one of them may deliberately try to mislead the other. A familiar example of the latter situation is when one person touches another ostensibly as a joke, but really wants this touch to be a step towards intimacy. A similar confusion of function occurs in studies such as the study in the library described in the article “The Magic of Touch”: the touch was associated with the performance of professional duties, during the transfer of a library card to the recipient, but its effect was positively emotional.

Touch as a means of healing

cases miraculous healing cannot be explained either from the point of view of medicine or from the point of view of physiology. For many centuries, in all episodes of the miraculous healing of the sick and infirm by religious figures, royalty and other charismatic personalities, the main “actor” was interpersonal touch. According to legend, Jesus healed by touch, and he was often described surrounded by a crowd of those who were thirsty for this touch. There was a common belief that French and English kings healed by the laying on of hands. There is documentary evidence that English king Edward I, in the 28th year of his reign, thus healed 938 of his subjects (Olden) from scrofula. In more recent times, including today, the healing touch has become the prerogative of priests and others who attribute it to divine power. The healing power of touch in so-called "miraculous cases" has not been subjected to rigorous scientific study to establish its effectiveness or the mechanisms by which it "works." While it may be difficult to rule out Divine power or some unknown physical force, Olden attributes the inexplicable healing to psychological factors.

1. The patient has a great need for healing.
2. The patient has boundless faith in the abilities of the healer.
3. The patient is a member of a group that supports and encourages him.
4. There is a shared irrational belief system, usually of a religious nature.
5. The patient and all observers experience extremely strong emotions.

Today, there is a renewed interest in touch as a form of therapy in the medical community (Borelli & Heidt; Kerr, Wasserman, & Moore; Krieger). Some forms of manual therapy, including what researchers call "light touch", have been shown to reduce pain (Kerr et al.). Long known for its ability to relax and give pleasure, massage has a positive effect on brain activity, attention and intelligence, helps to reduce pain, depression, reduces the level of stress hormones in the blood, improves sleep and appetite, improves lung function in children with asthma, increases immunity, contributes to weight gain in premature infants. There are many other clinical evidence of the beneficial effects of massage on human health (Field; Fields, Diego, & Hernandez-Reif). It has been suggested that, perhaps, the mechanism of the positive effect of massage is based on the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system: pressure stimulates the vagus nerve, which reduces the level of physiological arousal and the level of stress hormone in the blood. Even a single massage has a positive effect on nervous excitement, blood pressure and heart rate (Moyer, Rounds, & Hannum).

It is possible that the positive physiological and psychological effects of communication with pets are explained precisely by the beneficial effect of touch, because relationships with animals involve very frequent touches (Allen). Because touch can provide relief and positive physiological effects, the authors of one study were quite surprised that parents hardly touched their children with cancer during such painful medical procedures as lumbar puncture. An analysis of the videos showed that more than a quarter of young patients were deprived of parental support when they needed it most (Peterson, Cline, Foster, Penner, Parrott, & Keller).

Mental health professionals and therapists debate whether touch should be included in the healing process (Hetherington; Smith, Clance, & Imes; Young). On one side of the scale lies the risk of being accused of sexual harassment or, unwillingly, offending a patient, and on the other, the potential value of physical contact in moments of stress. One thing is clear: psychotherapists and doctors of all other specialties should be extremely attentive to the reactions of their patients to touch.

According to data received from junior medical personnel, a positive therapeutic effect can be achieved even without touch as such. A method called "therapeutic touch" (“therapeutic touch), or TT for short, is found to be effective in many situations when it is used by professionals who adhere to certain rules. Their hands should move over the patient's body, and not touch it, affecting the energy field surrounding the patient and bringing relief to the patient. Those who believe in this method and skeptics argue about whether it is really better than a simple placebo, but we do not have empirical data that would allow us to put an end to this dispute. However, a paper published in a prestigious medical journal casts serious doubt on one of the basic tenets of TT, namely that an experienced TT practitioner is able to detect with their hands the energy emitted by another person's body (Rosa, Rosa, Sarner, & Barrett). Experienced TT practitioners acting as subjects were told that the female experimenter would keep her hand over the hand of one of the subjects, but would be shielded from them by a screen. The subjects were only required to guess which hand the experimenter's hand was in. Much to the surprise of the subjects, the word “guess” turned out to be the most appropriate, because in fact their accuracy was purely random, that is, they could not detect energy field around the experimenter's hand. The results of this well-designed study clearly show that TT adherents are guided by rather by faith than science. (By the way, the young scientist who conducted this study and co-authored it is a 4th grade student doing a school science project!)

Touch as a symbol

Perhaps because touch is so rare outside of intimate relationships, it never goes unnoticed. Touching can be so meaningful that the act of touching itself is meant to signal the importance of the relationship, ritual, or event. The handshake between Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat on the day of the signing of the truce between Israel and Palestine is more eloquent than any words (see Figure 2).
Rice. 2. Handshake between Rabin and Arafat
The irony of fate, but it was this handshake, most likely, that prompted Yigal Amir to think about killing Rabin (With a Handshake).

Sometimes symbolic meaning touch is perceived on a personal level through the individual's own idea of ​​touch. Everyone knows the photos of distraught fans reaching out to touch the rock star. Even in everyday life, some people appreciate the opportunity to touch someone who is important to them, and then proudly say: “I shook hands with the name!” The indirect symbolic power of touch is sometimes apparent even when a person, unable to touch an important person himself, can touch or take possession of some thing that belonged to him. Such a thing can even be an autograph, because the idol touched the pen and paper. Throughout the history of Christianity, there has always been a huge meaning hidden in the claim to possess a part of the relics or clothes of a saint.

On fig. 3, people are clearly visible rushing towards President Bush.

The authors of a study of touch patterns conducted in the legislature of one of the states drew attention to the fact that during the entire observation period the governor did not touch anyone, although many people touched him (Goldstein & Jeffords). The daughter of the Panchen Lama, the second-ranking hierarch of the Buddhist Church in Tibet, recalls her trip to Tibet when she was seven years old: “I was told that people were standing along the entire road, 50 miles (80.47 km) long. Thousands and thousands of people, and they all wanted to touch me” (Hilton). During the second trip at the age of 17, she was literally exhausted by the crowds surrounding her. But she said, "I can't complain about it, because being able to see me and touch me made them happy." However, she had to ask her bodyguards not to let them lift her skirt to get to her legs.

In such situations, touching causes the one who touches the feeling of owning something important: after all, the “particle of greatness” has remained on him. One gets the impression that the role of a celebrity is not always important: whether she herself touches the "thirsty" or is the recipient. The consequences of touch are also different. Sometimes its result is indirect: a person who has touched a celebrity gains more weight in his environment. At other times, the achievement is not so noticeable, but no less important: it seems to a person that, having touched another, he acquires a particle of the essence of the latter. Whatever virtues this person possesses, people believe that, thanks to even the most cursory touch, a particle of these virtues goes to them. However, this is in in a certain sense primitive thinking also has its downside: after touching an unwanted person or having him touch us, we feel “impure”. The fact that members of the lower caste were called "untouchables" in traditional Indian society is by no means a mere coincidence.

Rice. 3. After one of President Bush's speeches, listeners yearn to touch him.

Dependence of the Meaning of Interpersonal Touch on Contextual Factors

As follows from previous sections, the meaning of touch depends on many external, personal and contextual factors. Indeed, it is highly likely that in most cases the meaning of touch is inferred from these variables and not from the nature of the touch. as such. Often, touch enhances the experienced emotions rather than conveying any specific meaning or signal. Relationships between communicants provide an important context for interpreting the meaning of touch. Touching the hand, which between strangers can be interpreted as a social/polite gesture or a sign of friendship, becomes sexual if friendly relations already installed. A hug can carry very different suspicions about the level of intimacy if two men or two women are embracing (Floyd), or if two men are embracing on a sports field or in a bar (Kneidinger et al.).

Interpretations of touch are also associated with contextual variables such as duration, specific form of touch, other features, and other contextual features alone or in combination. For example, a touch can be perceived as more intimate if it is accompanied by other cues, such as a gaze, if it goes on for too long, if the setting is private, etc. A quick touch by waiters on their customers leads to an increase in tips, but this increase is especially noticeable, if the participants are heterosexual and the setting is a bar (Hubbard, Tsuji, Williams, & Seatriz). Touching indicative of friendship/sympathy between people not intimately related is most likely in public places, but the same touch in private settings is more likely to arouse suspicion of love and sexual intimacy. Touching some parts of the body suggests more closeness than others, but closeness is not only in this, but also in the manner of touching. For example, a cursory touch on any part of the body is likely to be perceived as less intimate than a prolonged touch.

Men and women put different meanings into the same touch. In a study conducted in a hospital, nurses touched the patients while explaining the essence of the upcoming operation (Whitcher & Fisher). Women reacted positively to this, they calmed down and felt better after operations. However, men who were touched in the same way reacted less positively. Similar results were obtained by researchers who showed males and females photographs of nurses touching and not touching patients in bed (Lewis, Derlega, Nichols, Shankar, Drury, & Hawkins). Men rated nurses who did not touch patients as more sympathetic, while women came to the opposite conclusion.

Men and women responded differently to the questionnaire, whose touch they considered the greatest invasion of privacy (Heslin, Nguyen, & Nguyen). For women, the greatest invasion of privacy is the touch of a stranger, while for men, the greatest invasion of privacy is the touch of another man. In addition, it turned out that men perceive the touches of strangers in the same way as the touches of their familiar ladies! Both men and women admitted that the most pleasant touch is the stroking of the erogenous zones by a friend belonging to the opposite sex. In second place for women is stroking non-erogenous zones by a man, while for men, stroking erogenous zones by an unfamiliar woman is in second place.

Marital status influences how men and women interpret different touches. More than 300 people who were in intimate relationships (in official or civil marriage) reported what it means for them to touch the "second half" to different parts bodies (Hanzal, Segrin, & Dorros). It turned out that, as previously shown (Nguyen, Heslin, & Nguyen), unmarried men get more pleasure from gentle touch than unmarried women, but among married men this pattern is reversed: in this group, women received the most pleasure from touching. Moreover, this result did not depend on the difference in the age of family and non-family participants in the survey.

Touch can be a powerful subconscious force in communication

As the results of the studies reviewed above show, if we are touched, even a cursory, subtle, and perhaps not even noticed by us touch can affect our perception, mood and behavior. However, just as the influence of touch may not be conscious of the one being touched, it may also be unconscious of the one being touched. who touches. This circumstance manifests itself most clearly in a phenomenon called facilitated communication(communication with the participation of a facilitator). It is a technique designed to facilitate communication with individuals with autism, mental retardation and physical ailments that impair motor function and communication, such as cerebral palsy. On several continents, facilitating communication was hailed as a communication breakthrough for those who are unable to communicate normally, and was widely adopted and used throughout the 1980s and 1990s (Jacobson, Mulick, & Schwartz; Spitz).

How does facilitating communication “work”? This technique is based on close tactile contact between facilitator and communicant and on their close and trusting psychological relationship. The facilitator holds and guides the communicant's hands while the latter types words or sentences on the keyboard. Using this method, many people, deprived of the opportunity to communicate normally, typed very informative, often expressive descriptions of their feelings and thoughts. Many observers thought that people finally sentenced to silence would be able to overcome their isolation and escape from the most difficult situation. At least, that's how it seemed.

Unfortunately, it turned out that flying communication reveals not so much the thoughts of disabled communicators as the thoughts of the facilitators themselves. Research has shown that communicators answered questions only when the questions and answers were known to their facilitators, and often these answers seemed too "verbally advanced" for their intellectual level. Moreover, communicators could type answers to questions without even looking at the keyboard (Kezuka; Spitz). Despite a wave of protest from those who believed in this method, scientists continued to conduct control experiments, which eventually proved that often the results of facilitating communication are associated with the fact that the facilitator unconsciously guides the communicant's hand and he types on the keyboard not his own, but his thoughts. Research has shown that when facilitators were given incorrect information about a communicant's background and then asked the communicants about those same facts, the "answers" they received contained the wrong information, not the true facts (Burgess, Kirsch, Shane, Niederauer, Graham, & Bacon) . The use of mechanical means to determine the physical effort applied by the facilitator showed that the facilitators did indeed use subtle movements of the muscles of their hand, and sometimes facial and other "cues" that influenced the position of the communicant's hand (Kezuka). Therefore, it was they, the facilitators, who were the real communicators.

The interest of behavioral science in facilitating communication and the importance of the latter for this science is due to the fact that, most likely, most of the facilitators were neither crooks nor charlatans and sincerely believed in what they were doing (Spitz). Needless to say, the discovery of the true nature of facilitating communication has been a huge disappointment to those who believed in it. However, the real, that is, subconscious, mechanism of influence of facilitating communication is no less striking than its results, which were reported by its supporters. How could the facilitators express their own thoughts without realizing it?

This is not the first documented case involving unconscious movement. In the 19th century big interest called pendulums, which allegedly began to swing under the influence of mysterious forces. It was believed that a branch with a forked end, called the "magic vine" (dowsing rod), suddenly sinks down when the person holding it comes to the place where there is groundwater (Vogt & Hyman), and the furniture, for no apparent reason, begins to move, supposedly under the influence of spirits (Spitz). In all these cases there was nothing supernatural, but only quite definite expectations that caused unconscious motor reactions. This list can also include Clever Hans, a unique horse. Of course, Hans could neither read nor perform mathematical operations, but he could do something else: notice the subtle physical movements of people who knew the answer, and act in accordance with them. These people, unwitting accomplices, like facilitators in facilitated communication, had no idea that Hans' reactions were the result of their movements. Indeed, as disabled in facilitating communication, Clever Hans could correctly "answer" questions only if the person who asked them, or someone in the audience, knew the correct answer. All these phenomena are based on what has been called "error authorship" (authorship confusion)(Wegner, Fuller, & Sparrow) - on the erroneous recognition of the source of the action of some person or agent.

People also send non-verbal signals through touching their own bodies (self-touch), which include biting nails, pinching skin, curling hair around a finger, biting lips, holding the body in a certain position in space, stroking and actions related to hygiene. It is not clear what psychological function these actions perform, but most researchers agree that for the most part it is more an unconscious expression of personal needs than reflex or deliberate communication, that is, more “signs” than “signals”. However, sometimes deliberate communication is combined with touching one's own body, for example, "invitation to sex" includes self-stroking. All kinds of self-touches or their use in different circumstances can perform different functions. On fig. 4 shows some types of self-contacts.

The following is a list of different types of self-contacts (Morris):

1. Shielding Actions. The goal of this behavior is often to reduce "information input and output". An example would be putting the palms (palms) to the mouth or to the ears.

2. Cleansing actions(Cleaning Actions). Sometimes we raise our hands to our heads to wash and dry our hair. But sometimes the same movements are prompted by concern for our appearance: we straighten our hair, smooth our clothes, in general, “clean our feathers”. Observations of people in the washrooms of public buildings and subsequent interviews with these people showed that women devote more time and attention to such behavior than men. Those who are in the process of establishing intimate relationships, devote more time and attention to “cleaning their feathers” than those who already have a partner for such relationships (Daly, Hogg, Sacks, Smith, & Zimring, 1983).

3. Specialized signals (Specializes Signals). These gestures are used to convey specialized information, such as cupping the ear with the palm of the hand to communicate hearing loss, and swiping the edge of the hand under the chin to signal "I'm fed up with this."

4. "Self-intimacy" (Self-intimacies). According to Morris, these unconscious movements bring pleasure, comparable to that which gives the touch of another person. These include touching one's own hand, crossing arms or legs, masturbating, etc. Some of these movements are more characteristic of women than men, in particular such a posture as a head bowed to the shoulder or legs slightly apart. These self-touches can act as substitutes for the pleasure of being touched by others.

Rice. 4.

Some self-touches Ekman and Friesen called adapters, or self-manipulators. As the term implies, they reflect behavioral adaptation to certain situations. Most researchers agree that adapters are predominantly associated with negative feelings. There are useful classifications of different types of adapters, which are based on both possible referents of behavior - one's own self, another person or object, and a type of behavior, such as scratching or stroking.

The study of the behavior of psychiatric patients shows that as the feeling of psychological discomfort, anxiety or depression increases, the frequency of use of self-adapters increases (Ekman & Friesen; Freedman; Freedman, Blass, Rifkin, & Quitkin; Freedman & Hoffman; Waxer). However, if the level of anxiety is too high, the person seems to freeze and practically stops moving. The fact that self-adapters have also been shown in studies of such patients to be associated with feelings of guilt has a lot to do with the study of deception. Adaptors such as scratching and pinching have also been found to be associated with human hostility and suspicion (Ekman & Friesen). Theoretically, these scratching and tingling are manifestations of aggression towards oneself or directed inward aggression towards another person. Other assumptions and hypotheses associated with self-adapters include the following: stroking is associated with giving oneself more confidence, covering one's eyes is associated with feelings of shame or guilt, caring for one's own body is associated with a person's concern for his self-presentation, and self-touch is associated with the release of nervous energy.

Some research suggests that self-touch is associated with feelings of anxiety or stress caused by certain situations. This applies to both baboons and humans (Castles, Whitens, & Aureli). The subjects were shown two films: some watched a very heavy film, others - an entertaining one (Ekman & Friesen). They were then asked to describe the film they had seen to the interviewers as enjoyable. Those who watched the heavy film were forced to lie to the interviewer, which in itself can cause stress. It turned out that they touched themselves more often than the subjects, who both watched an entertaining film and talked about it. A study of patient-physician communication found that patients touched themselves more when talking about some of their secrets than when listing their complaints (Shreve, Harrigan, Kues, & Kagas).

Interracial communication is another context in which self-touch can be the result of stress. White subjects, interacting with blacks and white Confederates, demonstrated different self-touches: they scratched their heads, pulled their hair and rubbed their hands (Olson & Fazio). The fundamental racial attitudes of the subjects and their attitude towards those specific black Confederates with whom they communicated were evaluated. When a conflict of interest arose - if the fundamental racial attitude was negative, and the attitude towards a particular black Confederate was positive - the frequency of self-contact increased markedly. The results of this study clearly illustrate the complexity of interpreting the meaning of non-verbal communication. Although, according to some authors, non-verbal cues indicate that individuals predominantly communicate their negative attitudes, this study reminds us of what can be not only the result of interpersonal antipathy per se, but also a sign of discomfort or internal conflict.

Self-touches are more often observed in people who are chronically in a state of anxiety; this state is called trait anxiety and is observed, in particular, in shy people who, despite their shyness, want to be sociable (Cheek & buss). When personal anxiety is measured indirectly using a reaction time task, it predicts self-touch and other behavioral signs of anxiety better than explicit self-reporting. Perhaps this is due to the fact that people with high levels of anxiety either deny this fact or are not fully aware of it (Egloff & Schmulke). An interesting question is whether the self-touch associated with anxiety is a simple indicator of the very fact of its existence, or whether such touching helps to reduce stress levels.

Another source of self-touch is cognitive load, that is, the load associated with information processing. When giving a monologue, people touch themselves more often than when they just sit silently; the frequency of self-contacts also increases when people do not just listen to some text, but answer questions related to it (Heaven & McBrauer). When the subjects were asked to read the names of colors typed in fonts that did not correspond to them (for example, the word red was typed in blue), they touched themselves more often than when the color name and font color matched (Kenner). These results suggest that cognitive load and stress may be the cause of self-touch.

Although we have little data on how aware people are of their self-touches, it is generally accepted that self-touches are much less conscious than other non-verbal manifestations. When the subjects were asked how many and what kind of non-verbal manifestations they had during the contact, which was recorded on videotape, they recalled self-touches the least accurately, but still remembered them with great certainty.

Ideas about adapters can be extended to other manifestations, and not just to self-contact. There is a theory that these manifestations were learned along with early experiences related to interpersonal communication: exchanging different objects with others, attacking or defending against attack, establishing close relationships or refusing them, etc. Ekman believes that incessant hand movements or legs, which are usually considered signs of anxiety, may be vestiges of adapters needed to avoid communication.

Object adapters involve the manipulation of objects without any apparent functional purpose, but may have their origin in the performance of certain instrumental operations, such as writing with a pencil or smoking. Some people do this more often than others. Although, as a rule, people are not aware of the actions they perform, it is possible that adapters associated with objects are more aware of them. Often, these movements are acquired at a more mature age, and it seems that social taboos practically do not apply to them. It is highly likely that, like self-adapters, object-related adapters are associated with anxiety, stress, and cognitive load.

Because there are social taboos against displaying some self-adapters, they are more likely to be observed when a person is alone. In any case, it is hardly possible to see the entire act in a public place. While alone, a person can pick his nose as much as he wants, but in a public place he will limit himself to lightly touching his nose or rubbing it. Although adaptors are generally not intended to be used in communication, in the situation associated with the one in which the adaptive habit was first learned, they can be activated by verbal behavior.

Individual and group differences in self-contacts are revealed. A study of children from four countries found that English and Australian children were significantly less likely to touch themselves on experimental tasks than Italian and French-speaking children from Belgium. It is possible that these differences in self-touch are comparable to the differences in touching other people inherent in these cultures. In the same samples, significant individual differences were also revealed: during the execution of experimental tasks, some children touched themselves more often than others (Kenner). Another group of differences is related to gender: in the course of interpersonal communication, women touch themselves more often than men (Hall). It is not clear to what extent this reflects greater social anxiety, sexual arousal, increased concern for appearance, or the simple fact that women's hair and clothing are more likely to need attention.

conclusions

Touch is our first source of information about ourselves, about other people and about the environment. Touching another person or experiencing someone's touch yourself - these acts can have a powerful effect on our reactions in the most different situations, even if those touches were unintentional. In some cases, touch is the most effective method communication, in others it can cause a negative and even hostile reaction. The meaning we give to tactile behavior depends on what part of the body is touched, how long the touch lasts, its intensity, the way it is performed, and the frequency. In different conditions - in institutions, at airports, etc. - the same touch acquires a different meaning; it also depends on the age of the communicants, on their gender, on the culture to which they belong, on their personalities and relationships. There is evidence that tactile behavior is more common in American children than in American adults, and that touch frequency decreases with age. Scientists agree that early tactile experience is critical to later adaptation.

The most common interpersonal touches and self-touches can convey a variety of messages, including influence, positive affect, flirting, mutual interest, communication management, and demands associated with the performance of certain operations. Touch can have great symbolic meaning; its alleged healing and therapeutic properties have attracted attention throughout human history and are now being studied in research laboratories. Touch can amplify any emotion you feel. It can also have a huge influence on the behavior of both the one who touches and the one who is touched, although both may not be aware of either the fact of the touch itself or its effect.

They are different! What you like will not necessarily be pleasant to a man. Don't force your own pleasures on him. On female body there are many more erogenous zones, so if you go crazy when your heels are gently scratched, then a man may just laugh because he is ticklish.

Body

• If a man has beautiful well-groomed hands tell him about it. If not, say they are strong or gentle. Men love compliments too. And they like to hold hands.
• Men have a very low pain threshold. And if women nipples unusually sensitive, the nipples of a man are so sensitive that caresses can be painful. Maybe he will agree if you kiss, lick, or bite your nipples very gently. Or maybe not. Ask him about it!
• Gently pet him hand at the fold line. Such a touch is unlikely to cause him a frenzied passion, but it will be very affectionate and pleasant.
• Any man would like a massage back, especially if it's a prelude to sensual sex. Many men like it when a partner in a fit of passion squeezes his back or even scratches him.
• Gently run your fingers over it. sides, back and waist. He will be a little ticklish, but very pleased.
• On buttocks a lot of nerve endings, which means that caresses will be very pleasant. A man will love it if you stroke his thighs. But touching the anus is far from pleasant for everyone, so proceed with caution. And do not forget about another very sensitive area - between the anus and the testicles.
• Yes, a real man should have squares press. And of course, each of them dreams about it. But they are not! Do not tease a man and most importantly - do not grab the folds on his stomach!
• Inner side hips very sensitive, for some reason this is often forgotten. A few gentle touches, and he will beg you to rise a little higher.
• touches to testicles are both very pleasant and very painful. And do not be offended if a man is wary of such caresses. But if you are admitted into the holy of holies, know that you are trusted endlessly.
• Penis men are not only the main erogenous zone but also the basis of the male ego. So, give him royal honors, but very carefully so as not to hurt the man.

Head

• On ear it is so pleasant for a beloved man to whisper tenderness, passion and other nonsense. And also - to lick, gently bite or blow, which will immediately send small brisk goosebumps down the back of the man.
• Many men like it when a woman gently touches them. faces, "drawing" each dash. Lips are one of the most sensitive areas on the face. Sexologists believe that during a long relationship, desire becomes dull just because people stop paying attention to caresses.
• Run your fingers in hair men. Scratch, stroke your hair. The main thing is not to get carried away, otherwise he will curl up and fall asleep right in your arms.
• The ancient sages said that brain- the sexiest organ. Know that men are excited not only by touch, but also by words, smells, images. Talk about sex, erotic lingerie can drive anyone crazy.
• Neck is a very sensitive area. It can be kissed, bitten, gently stroked. But be careful. A man over 18 walking around with hickeys on his neck is not a very attractive sight.

If she likes him, and his touch is pleasant to her.

If a woman is indifferent to a man, she can chat nicely with him, but she will try to avoid physical contact and keep her distance.

The unexpected touch of an unfamiliar man can be regarded by her as evidence of a lack of education, arrogance, or as a desire to force events and transfer them to a more intimate level.

If a woman is not yet ready for this, she will be unpleasant to touch a man, and negative emotions can completely deprive the relationship of development prospects.

Light touching is possible only after you receive a silent response to your show of interest.

Pay close attention to her response so that you don't cross the line between being interested (which is usually welcome) and being rude (which is unacceptable for any normal woman).

A young guy in a cafe drinks coffee and looks at beautiful girl at the next table. Finally decides to approach:

- Girl, can I sit down with you?

Girl for all cafes:

- YES I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!!!

People turn around and smile. The guy, blushing, returns to his table. Here the same girl sits down to him:

- Of course, you will excuse me, but the fact is that I am a psychologist and I am writing a dissertation on the topic "The behavior of different types of people in inadequate situations."

The guy, all of a sudden, to all the cafes:

- WHAT?! TWO Hundred Bucks?!

Suppose you showed with a look and a smile that a woman is interesting to you, and she smiled in response and looked coquettishly, straightened her hair or used other feminine gestures of interest (see the chapter “How to determine if a woman is showing interest in you”), then she will treat your touch favorably.

During the conversation, you can gently touch the woman’s hand or her shoulder, at first briefly, as if by chance. Be prepared for the fact that a woman may pull away - not necessarily because you are antipathetic to her, but simply because she regarded your gesture as familiarity, wants to put you in your place and increase the distance. Or maybe it's just a reflex reaction.

Not every person likes it when the interlocutor touches him. Imagine that you are touched by a man or a woman whom you see for the first time in your life - do you like it? Perhaps you just want to communicate and are not at all set up for someone, even a person you like, to invade your personal space. There are people who are generally annoyed by fleeting touches, and even more so intrusive.

If you feel that the woman is tensed, the expression of her eyes or face has changed, keep your distance.

If your touch does not cause a negative reaction, then you can risk repeating your gesture, but in no case should you be intrusive. In subsequent meetings, when contact is established, you can afford more frequent and longer touching, but only if you feel an adequate response.

In courtship, all means are good if they lead to the goal.

At first, try a few “safe” gestures - touch her knee for a short time, as if emphasizing some important phrase in your conversation, lightly slide your hand over her arm, as if by accident or when you pass something to her, hold her up when you say goodbye hand in his longer position, expressively looking into his eyes. Then you can move on to more bold touches. Seeing the lady home, just walking, sitting in a cafe, cinema, theater or public transport, take her hand.

A woman can remove her hand or, under some pretext, to occupy it with something (for example, she will transfer her purse to the hand that you just held). There is nothing offensive to you in this. It is quite possible that your company is pleasant to her, but she is not yet ready for erotic actions. After all, it is not easy for you to dare the first erotic actions if you do not have the skill in this? And it is also not easy for a woman to perceive them when she is still indecisive. Women who do not want physical contact with an unfamiliar man are no less than men who do not dare to dare to do so.

If the woman does not remove her hand, and especially if she responds to your touch or makes the same gestures, then you can soon move on to the next stage. More on this later.

In addition to the usual gestures, individual for each person, you can use special gestures, which are called gestures of interest. Some people, when interested in a member of the opposite sex, use them unconsciously, but men who do not have communication skills (and therefore seduction) do not know these gestures, and therefore do not use them. As a result, they are constrained, cannot pantomime express their feelings to a woman, and accordingly, they do not receive reciprocal feelings from her.

“Well, you girls, damn it, give ... Why not me?”

In addition to conveying our own state, mood and feelings, gestures, being an unconscious manifestation of a person’s feelings and thoughts, are able to have a certain impact on others.

If you are interested in a woman, then do not forget about the phenomenon of recall at the behavioral level (see the chapter “Body Language”). To express your interest, you need to quite consciously show the woman a gesture or several gestures that are signs of interest (see the chapter “How to please a woman”).

By showing a woman that you like her, you will probably get a response from her:

"You me too."

A woman will perceive your microsignals subconsciously, because the fair sex has a highly developed intuition, and in general they do a lot unconsciously. And she will unconsciously (or quite consciously, which is even better) respond to your microsignals.

Don't have a hundred friends, but have a hundred girlfriends!

How to please a woman