Reverend Apollinaria ascetic in male form. Venerable Apollinaria
Life of Saint Apollinaria
Like all other varieties of the third sex, the phenomenon in question has been known to the human race throughout its history. In fiction, and even earlier - in traditions and legends, you can find many references to strange people who refuse to recognize the power of the sex in which they were born over themselves. Not all of them dared, for obvious reasons, to openly reveal this sinful property of theirs. Transsexuals, as a rule, hid, their souls were taken away behind tightly locked doors, but still they were often caught and shamefully expelled from society. But the most resolute and courageous had enough spiritual strength to live life in a boldly appropriated image. Women, whom everyone around took for men, men in whom no one suspected a graceful woman, left a noticeable mark in historical chronicles. Sometimes only after death, during the preparation for the burial rite, this burning secret was revealed. But I have no doubt that there were a good number of transsexuals who managed to take this secret of theirs to the grave.
Thanks to one of my patients, I learned about an amazing story that happened fifteen hundred years ago.
First, about my patient, more precisely, about the patient, since nature was pleased to create an ordinary, normal girl. But from the very beginning, this girl, who was named Maya, behaved like a restless, mischievous boy. She was fond of only mobile, power games, climbed trees, did not miss the opportunity to fight. Having to wear a uniform dress with an apron pissed her off. Maybe that's why she did not develop relationships with peers. Usually in such cases, when the instability of gender identity manifests itself early, "Cossacks in a skirt" are better able to find their niche in the children's environment than "sissy". The boys consider such a girl “their boyfriend”, sometimes even inspire her with confidence that she is better than her pampered, capricious girlfriends: you can rely on her in everything, she understands real pleasures, and this high self-esteem helps to painlessly endure alienated, and even the dismissive glances of Eve's young daughters. But Maya was not lucky with that either. She had a chance to fully survive the suffering of the ugly duckling, which is poisoned by both her own and others. This broke her character, made her closed and distrustful. But along the way, a special kind of independence was also formed: no matter what others think and say, one should not reckon with it.
Maya had only a few joyful episodes about her childhood, and all of them were connected with the appearance somewhere far from home and from school, among strangers in a boy's suit. She always succeeded in such divertissements. And when the appearance fully corresponded to the inner self-perception, and in addition it was also clear that those around them took everything at face value - this created the feeling of a breakthrough into some kind of radiant, delightful reality. But the schoolgirl, leading a measured life under strict parental control, rarely managed to make such an escape.
The girl's head worked perfectly, she studied well and entered the institute without any complications. But after all, she had to not only read, take notes and take tests - she also had to live surrounded by classmates, among whom, as it was at school, she again did not find a place. She didn’t feel like a girl at all, but she couldn’t tell everyone “I’m a man”. Friendships were forged around, companies formed, someone fell in love continuously, someone despaired, was jealous. The very atmosphere, full of burgeoning eroticism, drove Maya to despair. She dropped out of college after not even a year.
After going through several professions, the girl stopped at the work of a driver. She was content with being alone behind the wheel. On the highway, far from the office, where her papers lay and where every person in the administration knew the truth about her, she could free herself from painful tension. But even more terrible minutes had to be experienced when the car was stopped by traffic cops. "What are you, man, crazy? - shouted the policeman. “How dare you travel with someone else’s papers?” And it was necessary to enter into explanations, listen to vulgar jokes ...
Once, even before meeting with me, the patient had to lie down in a psychiatric hospital. Doctors agreed that she was suffering from psychopathy. But they could not alleviate her condition.
Help came unexpectedly, and from such a side that it was impossible to foresee it.
One day a girl was passing by a church when a service was going on there. She was attracted by the soft singing, the warm light pouring from the loosely closed door. She entered. There were not many people in the temple, it seemed that everyone knew each other, but this time Maya did not feel the usual alienation. And although the rite, performed before her eyes, was completely incomprehensible to her, there was a feeling that she was here, in the temple, her own. She was absent for a long time, but she already knew for a long time that she would return.
And here the story of my patient, a modern girl, is intertwined with the fate of Apollinaria, a royal daughter who lived in the fifth century. "The Life of Saint Apollinaria" was given to Maya to read by a devout old woman, whom she met in the temple. The old woman did not ask any questions, but for some reason Maya, for the first time in her life, wanted to tell everything about herself. The answer to the confession was the proposal to open the holy book on the right page.
King Anfelius, whose daughter was Apollinaria, was unhappy in parenthood. The younger sister of Apollinaria was possessed by demons. The eldest daughter, although she was distinguished from an early age by amazing piety, presented her parents with another surprise: she categorically refused to marry. To all the prayers, she firmly answered: “I don’t want to get married, but I hope that God will keep me in fear of him pure, as he keeps his holy virgins in purity.” In the end, the king and the queen reconciled and invited an experienced nun to prepare the princess for her vows as a nun. But before taking a monastic vow, Apollinaria decided to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, to the holy places. The journey was arranged with fitting pomp. Apollinaria carried with her a lot of gold and silver. She was accompanied by crowds of slaves.
In Jerusalem, Apollinaria began to release her slaves one by one, generously rewarding them for their service and entrusting herself to their prayers. Then, with the two remaining slaves, one of whom was a eunuch, she went to honor the relics of the holy Great Martyr Mina. On the way, in Alexandria, she secretly bought monastic robes. Bowing to the relics, the tsar's daughter announced that she still wanted to visit the nearby skete, to the holy fathers. Evening caught her on the way, but Apollinaria ordered the slaves to continue on their way. Closer to midnight, the servants dozed off. Then the saint put on the clothes of a male monk and with the words “You, Lord, gave me the beginning of this image, help me to acquire it to the end, but according to Your holy will!” hid in the swamp. The slaves, waking up, rushed to look for their mistress, but, of course, they did not climb into the swamp. Sobbing loudly, they set off on their return journey.
Apollinaria did not go to the skete. She remained near the swamp, in the desert, and lived there all alone for several years. God protected her from all kinds of misfortunes, helped her find food. The body of the girl, previously tender and weak, became like the armor of a turtle - so she tempered it with labors, fasting and vigil. Neither the merciless sun nor the hordes of mosquitoes could force her to retreat from her plan, which, as you can understand, was not only to withdraw from the world, but to do it precisely in the form of a man.
Finally, the Lord was convinced that the devil, who also waged a relentless struggle for the soul of Apollinaria, was finally defeated, and sent an angel to the saint. The messenger of the Almighty brought her out of the swamp and ordered her to go to the skete, where she would settle under the name of Dorotheus.
None of the holy elders ever found out that a woman lives among them. Soon Dorotheus took to the skete special place thanks to the strictness of his obedience and the gift sent by God to heal diseases. Having learned that the younger sister was still toiling, unable to free herself from the unclean, Dorotheus went to his father's house and cured the unfortunate. King Anfelius and his wife immediately recognized their eldest daughter in the stern monk and embraced her with tears of happiness. But they did not keep him in the palace, so as not to contradict the higher will.
After a difficult and pious life, in the year 470 the saint passed away into eternity with a prayer on her lips. And only then, before the burial, did the monastic brethren learn that the glorious elder Dorotheos was a woman. But this discovery did not make them indignant at the deceit - on the contrary, they felt with unprecedented strength how difficult it is for a person to fully understand the miracle of higher wisdom, and in unison bowed their heads before this miracle: “Glory to you, Christ God, who has many hidden saints in his !" From the holy relics of Dorotheus, in the future, many wonderful phenomena took place that fully justified the canonization. But it is noteworthy that communion with the saints did not take place under a male name, although Apollinaria's entire ascetic path was accomplished under it. In the history of Christianity, she remained a woman who, by decision of the highest authority, assumed a male appearance.
Maya read the story of Apollinaria in her own way. What ordinary human perception stumbles over - why did the girl need to make the transition to another sex - for Maya did not contain anything incomprehensible or mysterious. Entering into a special relationship with God, taking an oath to devote her whole life to serving Him, this girl felt the need to be herself, and this meant for her to be a man. That is why she could not marry, that is, enter the path destined for a woman. But she, born with the body of a woman, was not given to live according to male rules and laws. And in the world you can live, being either a man or a woman, for people like Apollinaria and like Maya herself, no place has been prepared ... Apollinaria found a way out for herself, and God blessed her for this.
The time line has been erased. Through the thickness of one and a half thousand years, Maya opened her way. “If the Lord allows my existence, then I am a being of a special sex. Everything that happened to me before was a test. Now I continue the life of Apollinaria-Dorotheus.
You can write a detective novel about how Michael - henceforth only this name existed for Maya - overcame the abyss that separated society from the church in those years, and an even deeper abyss between male and female in understanding Orthodox Church. In many ways, I was able to help him. There were no such cases in my practice, but intuitively I felt that the right solution had been found. And so it happened. Soon Michael was sent to one of the Siberian monasteries. After spending half a year as a cell-attendant, he received a referral to a theological seminary, and was then ordained a hieromonk. The idea of active service to people in the name of God was accepted by him organically and with complete inner conviction. No one around knew who he really was, but fears that the secret would be revealed and many would turn away from him did not torment Mikhail - a new worldview reliably protected him from experiences of this kind.
Was Apollinaria a historical person? I didn't specifically clarify this issue, but I believe so. The people who put the lives of the saints on paper transformed reality in the spirit of the canon, embellished it with fantastic details, but, as far as I understand, their work did not arise “out of nothing”. And even more we can assume: it was hardly the only, unique case in the annals of Christianity. If the monastery brethren did not shudder, as if from blasphemy, when they discovered a deceit (a monstrous deceit, if you think about it!), if they found the most exalted justification for it, then this most likely indicates that there have already been precedents and an attitude towards them has developed, gained strength traditions. In monastic seclusion, in conditions of maximum deactivation of all problems of sex, the transsexual really finds a quiet haven. Personal experiences here generally lose tension, "I" dissolves in the idea of God. Taking a vow of celibacy, renouncing all the joys of the flesh, a monk cultivates in himself a feeling of sexlessness, non-participation in any of the sexes actively living the allotted earthly terms.
Transsexuals have also left their mark in fiction. Shakespeare, Goldoni, Calderon, and after them, legions of lesser-known authors willingly used the dressing motif in their works, allowing them to vigorously spin the plot. A woman dresses in a man's dress and acts in a way that only men are allowed to do. Less often, in my opinion, we can meet the reverse combination - with the participation of men appearing in the form of a woman. All that comes to my mind now are episodic situations. These characters have no predisposition to reincarnation, their soul exists in full harmony with their bodies, but circumstances force them - and you have to hide your nature under a mask that is more suitable for the occasion. It is no coincidence that such works are written in the overwhelming majority of cases in the comedy genre, and even if the heroes suffer serious grief that cannot be got rid of without betraying oneself, then this is also a temporary state, and everything is usually resolved to the clink of wedding glasses.
But now I'm not thinking about dramaturgy, but about reality, which fed the imagination of playwrights. And just as in the story of Apollinaria, I come to the conclusion that the situation when people changed their gender quite easily was, apparently, quite ordinary. There were no spells on this transformation. The social norms that determined the behavior of people in accordance with their gender were very rigid and strictly differentiated. The girl, for example, could not travel alone, without reliable escorts. But at the same time, the situation was not hopeless. If, nevertheless, it was necessary to move from place to place, it was possible to set off under the guise of young man. There were such secret doors in the high wall separating the two floors. And then it’s already impossible to figure it out now - when it comes to really urgent need, and when this necessity is just a pretext, a screen. And most importantly, what did the person experience? Did he succumb to circumstances or fulfill his obsessive desire? Did you dream of finishing the game as soon as possible, becoming who he is, or vice versa, longed to stay longer in the image he appropriated?
We must therefore repeat what has already been said about other varieties of the third sex. The phenomenon has always been known: as soon as a person was able to comprehend the phenomenon of gender, it immediately became clear that there is a thin, but very noticeable layer, consisting of people falling out of a tightly knit clip. This applies to transsexualism in exactly the same way as to hermaphroditism, homosexuality or asexuality. And just like it was with others, this whole endless historical path, done by successive generations of transsexuals, was marked by rejection, persecution, and a complete lack of understanding of what makes these people different from everyone else. And only on the last stretch of this long journey did some clarity begin to appear.
Yes, and it didn't happen right away. The book of Ivan Bloch familiar to us " sex life of our time and its relation to contemporary culture”, reflecting the level of ideas at the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries, demonstrates their limitations. There are already quite solid theories regarding hermaphrodites and homosexuals - a support is ready on which scientific thought will develop in the future. Transsexuals also come to the attention of researchers. But how to deal with them is still unclear. Obviously, they have much in common with the first two groups. But they also have clear differences. In addition, they are much less common (by the way, this was also confirmed by a later, more accurate analysis: one case of transsexualism occurs in several tens of thousands of people). Bloch, in particular, had only two encounters with this psychosexual phenomenon. He could not comment on his observations and was forced to confine himself to a detailed description, using, for greater reliability, the self-written confessions of these patients.
“From my earliest youth, I passionately wanted to walk in a woman's dress,” says the 33-year-old American journalist. - As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I took out elegant lingerie, silk petticoats, etc. I stole items of her clothes from my sister and secretly wore them until the death of my mother opened up the possibility of free satisfaction of my passion. Thus, I soon acquired a wardrobe that was in no way inferior to that of the most elegant fashionable lady. Forced to wear men's clothes during the day, I wore under it a full set of women's underwear, a corset, long stockings, and in general everything that women wear - even a bracelet and patent leather ladies' shoes with high backs. When evening comes, I sigh with a free chest, because then the male mask that I hate falls and I feel completely a woman. It is only when I sit in my elegant hood and rustling silk petticoat that I feel able to seriously indulge in the study of my favorite scientific subjects (including primitive history) or my usual daily activities. I feel a sense of peace that I don't find during the day in men's clothing. Being quite a woman, I still do not feel any need to give myself to a man. True, it gives me pleasure if someone likes me in my female attire, but with this feeling I have no desires in relation to persons of my same sex.
Despite my clearly expressed feminine habits, I still decided to marry. My wife, an energetic, educated woman, was quite aware of my passion. She hoped to eventually wean me from my strangeness, but she did not succeed. I conscientiously fulfilled my marital duties, but I indulged even more strongly in my cherished passion. Since it is possible for her, the wife is tolerant of her. The wife is currently pregnant. When I see an elegant lady or actress, I involuntarily think how beautiful I would look in her clothes. If it turns out to be possible, I will completely stop wearing men's clothes.
Bloch's second patient talks about the same about himself, with the only difference that he describes the sexual side of his experiences more frankly. In his youth, material opportunities for a long time did not allow this man to put on women's things, which he looked at with pleasure for a long time in the windows of fashion stores and workshops. In addition, for a long time he suppressed his attraction by considerations of a religious and rational nature. “In me, a man and a woman fought (at that time it was not clear). But the woman turned out to be the winner, and one day, taking advantage of the departure of my parents, I changed into my sister's dress. But putting on a corset, I suddenly felt an erection with an immediate outpouring of semen, which, however, did not give me any satisfaction.
As in the first case, the passion for women's clothing, which this man calls "costume mania", did not prevent him from getting married. But the wife was unable to accept her husband as he is. Despite the birth of children, relations in marriage developed tensely. “The wife could not understand how one can find pleasure in dressing in a woman's dress. At first she was indifferent to my mania, but then she began to consider it a painful phenomenon, bordering on insanity. Worst of all, the woman did not believe her husband, who was trying to prove that an innocent, in general, dressing was enough for him. She imagined much more serious perversions behind him, and she “sought the truth” with all the perseverance and aggressiveness that jealous women who suspect adultery can show. Surveillance, interrogations with passion ... It got to the point that friends were called to help, who, of course, "didn't tell her anything but bad and vulgar." According to the verdict of these ladies, their friend's husband was a secret Urning, a homosexual who indulges in debauchery with women wearing men's suits, or with very small girls. So, having mixed everything together, public opinion judged the urnings. Of course, all this caused the sharpest reaction in his wife, and life at home became impossible. The confession ends on a tragic note. “For hours I wandered through the distant streets. I was overcome by a feeling of emptyness and emptiness. All nerves trembled. If I didn’t have children or if they were provided for, I would know what to do in such moments. It is clearly about suicide.
Bloch tries to define the unknown through the known: the desire to wear clothes of the opposite sex - it was necessary to wait a few more years for a special name for this phenomenon to be born in science - he calls either bisexuality, or pseudo-homosexuality, or mental hermaphroditism. These terminological manipulations do not seem to satisfy him himself. The Latin name metamorphosis sexualis paranoica does not help the cause, literally - the mania of sex change: it makes the mysterious passion related to mental illness, and the doctor's intuition makes it especially important to emphasize that both of his patients are quite healthy people, except that they are characterized by increased nervousness, but this is not surprising given the difficulties they are experiencing. The researcher comes to the memory of the historical evidence of the Scythians or Mexican Musterados, who “were chosen from among the strongest men who have absolutely no female likeness, then, by constant riding or increased masturbation, they became feminine and sexually impotent (atrophy of the genital organs), moreover, they even grew, as a secondary sexual characteristic, breasts. Bloch also categorizes these examples as pseudo-homosexuality, along with numerous characters of European history closer to him, such as the famous Marquis Eon, who carried a female soul in himself, or Mademoiselle de Lupin, a woman with a man's soul. The classification is not very convincing, somewhat reminiscent of an old cabinet of curiosities - a primitive museum, where all kinds of curiosities were exhibited without any system. But the merit of the author of the book was already in the fact that he included these oddities in the general panorama of sexual manifestations.
Many of Bloch's difficulties were resolved when the medical world finally established a specific term for the psychosexual disorders we are now talking about. In 1910, Magnus Hirschfeld’s monograph “Transvestites” was published, in which not only was the allocation of these disorders to a special class that required a special approach, but also patterns were traced that allowed for a breakdown into separate specific types inside.
Hirschfeld himself took up such distribution in the future. In his description, five groups of transvestites appear, differing from one another in the nature of sexual attraction: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual and automonosexual, that is, choosing themselves as the object of love.
The depth of mental manifestations also manifested itself differently in Hirshfeld's patients. If it was enough for some transvestites only to put on clothes that were unusual for their gender, then for others there was a complete spiritual transformation. Despite the dire consequences that this led to, people falsified documents, changed their surname and name, and deceitfully entered professional environment, alien to their "native" sex or even forbidden for him. It also happened that the sharpness of a perverse sense of self turned into unbridled hatred for one's own, as it were, improperly arranged body, specifically for its sexual characteristics, in which, not without reason, the primary source of all troubles was seen. Hatred led to wild outbursts of aggression directed at one's own address - up to attempts at self-castration.
The fate of transvestites in most cases was extremely unhappy. There was no place in life for them. The most severe reactive depressions, and often suicidal attempts, were the most typical reason for visiting a doctor, incomparably more frequent than transvestism itself, which, of course, was not perceived as a disease, that is, as something that could be cured and, most importantly, need to be healed. A person always cherishes as much as possible what, it seems to him, contains the originality of his soul, and even when this property brings him only sheer grief, with all his might he pushes away the thought of freeing himself from this quality.
Over the next few decades, the progress of medicine also captured those areas of many sciences for which transvestism is an object of direct interest. But here is what is remarkable: although it was obvious that in the most acute and distinct manifestation of this state there are many sharp differences from softer and calmer forms, somehow it never occurred to anyone to isolate it, to single it out as a separate classification unit. And this continued until the first reliable results from surgeons and endocrinologists appeared, which made the transition to the other sex possible. This caused tremendous changes not only in the behavior of a significant group of transvestites, who henceforth made receiving such help the main goal of their lives, but even in the symptomatology of the phenomenon. Perhaps this happened for the first time in the history of science - when it was not the treatment that adapted to the problems of the body, but, on the contrary, these problems adapted to the treatment, changed their course thanks to it.
Until now, transvestites have never declared, and, perhaps, have not felt such an unbridled need for rebirth. They lived for themselves and lived, finding by touch ways of adaptation and developing protective mechanisms. Some succeeded better, others worse, but the deliberate absence of a radical way out left an imprint on the whole gamut of experiences.
Do we need to fly? Who knows, maybe there is. But we don't know anything about her. It does not gnaw at us, does not deprive us of sleep, does not force us to turn to fate itself with an ultimatum: either give us this - or you can take back all your other gifts, we do not need them. There is probably no person who would be unfamiliar with the sweet sensation of flight, which is periodically present in dreams. And there is no person who now, when the conversation touched on this topic, did not remember his childhood and youthful fantasies, in which either wings grew in him, or some technical miracle appeared at his service, and he soared into the skies, enjoying unprecedented freedom and the ability to move quickly and freely in any direction. Why, aviation would not have arisen if it were not for this thirst for flight, deeply seated in the human soul! But since it is obviously impossible to realize it, the dream behaves quietly and modestly, not spilling over the boundaries allotted to it and not turning a person into its slave.
All mental movements in people suffering from a mismatch between self-perception and the objective parameters of gender were subject to exactly the same rigid dictates of reality. But only as long as the means mass media did not spread the first sensational messages about the great achievement of science, which has mastered the methods of artificial sex transformation. The boundaries of reality have expanded. And within a few years, literally before our eyes, there was a transformation of a dream into a need - that is, a force that subjugates all the structures of the psyche.
We have repeatedly observed how the emergence of a new method of treatment instantly mobilizes everyone who is vitally interested in it. Patients begin to hunt for information, looking for a way to get an appointment with specialists who know this method - this is understandable: when there is a problem, we direct all our efforts to find a way out. But with the change of gender, something different happened, reminiscent of the old slogan that we once analyzed in political literacy classes: the goal is nothing, the movement is everything. The struggle to undergo transformation entered the structure of experience, acquired a value in itself, became an element of the entire complex mental complex. When transvestites began to be called transvestites, this meant just another natural step in the progressive development of knowledge. But when, with light hand famous researcher Benjamin, in 1953 a special group of transsexuals was singled out from this general series, this reflected a slightly different pattern. A new phenomenon appeared and required special approaches and a special verbal designation. Transvestites have always existed, regardless of what information they had about them and what science could offer them. Transsexualism, in which dissatisfaction with one's gender grows together with a manic desire to change it, primarily anatomically, there is every reason to consider it a direct product of scientific progress.
The influence of holy water on energy Holy water helps to restore the energy of the house very well. In one house, a husband and wife began to swear at each other “out of nowhere”, usually restrained and calm people began to shout at each other, headaches appeared and
From the book Golden Recipes Orthodox monks author Maria Borisovna KanovskayaStoring and using holy water Holy water in open reservoirs (and in open containers, such as buckets) soon acquires its former structure, and in tightly closed bottles or jars retains its extraordinary properties for a long time. According to the studies of some
From the book Raw Food for the Whole Family. 8 steps to live nutrition author Dmitry Evgenievich Volkovconsecrated oil(holy oil) They are anointed with consecrated oil (crosswise), add it to food. Most healing properties has oil taken from the lamps next to miraculous icons and relics of saints. In acute, severe diseases, oil should be
From the book Recipes of St. Hildegards author Elena Vitalievna SvitkoCan a holy person eat bloody food? Apostles and Church Fathers John Chrysostom (AD 345-407), an eminent apologist for Christianity, wrote: “We, the heads of Christian Church, refrain from meat food in order to keep our flesh in subjection ... meat-eating is disgusting
From the book Philosophy of Health author Team of authors -- MedicineTreatment of joints with the methods of St. Hildegard The causes of rheumatic diseases of the abbess Hildegard considered many factors: the abuse of food and drink, violation healthy lifestyle life, as well as such specific ones as intolerance, anger, fear and anger, accusation
From the author's bookSpices in Saint Hildegard's Kitchen O medicinal properties spices St. Hildegard mentions in many of his writings. Moreover, she advises using spices not so much to improve the taste of food, but to neutralize toxins (they were called poisons in those days), which
The name Polina at different times attracted the parents of girls with its euphony, bringing peace and tranquility. Being quite old, it never disappeared from use.
The history of its origin is quite controversial. Some experts believe that Polina is a full independent name, since the Greek "poly" means "a lot". Therefore, Polina is “significant”. Others attribute the name to derivatives from the French Paulina (Peacock), that is, "small", and still others agree that Polina is an abbreviated form of Apollonia or Apollinaria. In the Russian version, the colloquial Polinaria is more common, which is translated from Greek as “liberated”.
Although over the centuries church calendar the list of names has expanded significantly, neither Polina, nor Paulina, nor Apollonia, nor Polinaria are in it. The fact is that Polina in Rus' was called Apollinaria or Pelageya. It is these names that are in the calendar. If the girl is still too young to make her own choice at baptism, then the parents will have to decide. Both names have Greek origin and have great internal energy.
Apollinaria - dedicated to Apollo
Since the name comes from the golden-haired God of the Sun - Apollo, and Apollinaris means belonging - Apollo's, then Apollinaria can also be interpreted as "belonging to Apollo", "solar". Apollinaria, as a rule, does not have a meek disposition, which is often predicted by a girl named Polina. As a child, she is cheerful and sympathetic, loves to participate in the affairs of adults and expects praise and recognition of her merits from them. In adulthood, this is a woman with high intelligence, hardworking and devoted to her work and family hearth. By type of temperament - choleric. Touchy, but not vindictive. Can't stand pressure.
If during the rite of baptism Polina is called Apollinaria, then she will be patronized:
- St. Apollinaria, whose memorial day falls on April 4;
- the holy martyr Apollinaria (Tupitsina), sentenced to death on October 13, 1937 for belonging to a church group;
- Venerable Apollinaria, who was the daughter of Anthemius, ruler of the Greek Empire. For a long time she hid under a male monastic robe and bore the name Dorotheus. Memorial Day is celebrated on the eve of Epiphany, January 18.
Pelageya - "sea"
The name owes its appearance to the Greek Pelagios, which in the female version sounds like Pelagia - “sea”. It is identical to Marina, which is of Latin origin. Perhaps Polina and Pelageya will seem to some not ideal consonant names, but in Christianity Pauline is often baptized with the name of Pelageya. In addition, they abound with the names of revered holy martyrs and venerable martyrs with this name:
- On April 5, the holy martyr Pelagia is venerated;
- May 17 - Pelagia of Tarsus;
- June 26 - Martyr Pelagia (Zhidko);
- June 30 - Pelagia (Balakirev);
- October 21 - the holy martyr Pelagia of Antioch, who was a student of the Hieromartyr Lucian of Antioch, and Pelagia of Antioch of Palestine;
- November 3 - Martyr Pelagia (Testova);
- February 12 - Pelagia Diveevskaya.
Despite the fact that balance is “heard” in the gentle name of Polina, women who wear it often have a choleric character and are not able to restrain internal tension for a long time. The girl, named Pelageya, is phlegmatic at first glance, but her tolerance also comes to an end with age. “Sunny” or “sea” Polina is decent, modest, but impulsive.
Events from the life of the holy venerable Apollinaria of EgyptWhen the Greek king Arcadius, who ruled at the turn of the 4th-5th centuries, passed away, he left behind a son, Theodosius, who, by age, could not yet rule. The brother of the deceased ruler, the Roman emperor Honorius, assigned the boy to be brought up by the temporary ruler of Hellas, the trusted and high dignitary Anthemius, famous for his wisdom and Christian piety.
The virtuous qualities of Anthemius were so unconditional and highly valued by everyone that St. Simeon Metaphrastus, in describing the life of Apollinaria, everywhere calls him "King Anthimius." Anfimy had two daughters, the eldest and the youngest, but both girls were the exact opposite of each other. The eldest - the beauty Apollinaria - grew up as a model of Christian piety, all free time spent in the temple, in prayers. The youngest - her name has not been preserved - was possessed, as the saint writes, "had an unclean spirit in her."
When Apollinaria reached the age of majority, many worthy young men began to ask her hands, but the girl in every possible way asked her parents to release her from this fate and allow her to retire to the monastery to study the Divine Scripture, following all the labors and hardships of monastic life. To all the persuasions of her father and mother, she only answered that she wanted, following the example of the holy virgins, to preserve her purity for the Lord. Disappointed, they realized that due to the mental illness of their youngest daughter, which was a serious obstacle to her marriage, they could be left without heirs.
With perseverance surprising for her youth, Saint Apollinaria tearfully asked her relatives that they would allow her, under the supervision of some nun, to learn to read the Psalter, the writings. She rejected all the gifts of the suitors, temptations, promises, firmly standing on her desire to devote her innocent life to God, while saying that they would have a special reward from God for this sacrifice.
The daughter remained adamant, and seeing this, Anthemius yielded to his daughter's prayers - a wise nun was brought to Apollinaria, who began to teach the girl all the wise books containing the spiritual knowledge that she so needed. When the training of the young saint, in which she quickly succeeded, came to an end, she began to ask her parents to let her go to Jerusalem to worship the holy places - the honest Cross and the place of the Holy Resurrection of Christ.
This desire of the girl again led her parents to sadness - parting with her daughter, who was their joy, was a heavy loss for them, the future of the second did not promise any hope. But the stubbornness of Apollinaria was still unbreakable. Sighing sadly, they provided her with gold and silver, gave her an escort of a whole detachment of slaves and slaves, and with tears blessed her on the pilgrimage, suspecting that they might never see their beloved daughter again. At parting, the father and mother asked Saint Apollinaria to pray for them in the Promised Land, and she answered that for the fulfillment of their desire after sorrows, they would be rewarded with joy.
On the sea route, the ship reached the city of Ashkelon, which exists to this day and is located near Tel Aviv. There was bad weather at sea, the travelers had to linger. Saint Apollinaria took advantage of a break in her journey and went around all the monasteries and churches of the city, where she prayed and distributed rich alms from the treasure that her parents had given her with them. Further by land, she reached Jerusalem with her companions, bowed to the holy places there, as she wished. Then she set free most of the slaves and slaves, providing them with gold and silver for good service with a request to pray for her.
After she had visited the Jordan, Saint Apollinaria gathered the remaining slaves and said that she was now letting them go too, but before they parted, she asked to be accompanied to Alexandria in order to bow to the holy great martyr Mina Kotaunsky (Phrygian), and they joyfully agreed . They loved Apollinaria, who never behaved with them like a hostess and mistress.
The proconsul of Alexandria somehow learned in advance of her arrival and wanted to arrange a meeting with royal honors for her, but the saint, in order to avoid a magnificent meeting, entered the city at night and herself came to the house of the proconsul with a greeting to him and his wife. The proconsul and his wife fell on their knees in front of her and asked how it happened that she avoided meeting the respectable people sent to meet her, and came to bow to them like a simple townswoman. But the saint asked them not to perform honors in her honor and not to hinder her pilgrimage to Saint Mina. The proconsul did as the saint asked, but in response he asked her to accept precious gifts from him and his wife. The saint accepted, but as soon as she left them, she immediately distributed everything given to her by the poor, donated to churches and monasteries.
With the few funds that she had left, she asked a pious elderly woman to buy monastic clothes, but not for women, but for men. She hid her clothes so that no one would know about her special plans, let go of all the other slaves, only two servants remained with her - an old man and a eunuch. On the ship, she arrived at the tomb of Saint Mina, bowed to his holy relics, prayed, and, having hired a closed chariot, moved to the skete to pray there and bow to the holy elders who labored there.
She was going to go to the skete already at night. Sitting in a closed chariot, she prayed that the Lord would give her the opportunity to fulfill her plans. By midnight, the travelers approached the swamp, which arose near the spring, later called the spring of Apollinaria. The chariot stopped, and Apollinaria, who got out of it, saw that both servants had dozed off.
She took off her secular maiden clothes, and changed into men's monastic clothes with a prayer to God that He would give her the strength to endure the monastic labor that she had chosen for herself to serve Him. The saint crossed herself, quietly moved away from the chariot and went into the depths of the swamps, where she hid until the chariot left. Here she spent some time living in prayer to God, whom she loved more than anything in the world. He, seeing her sincere love for Him, led her to a date tree, the fruits from which she ate all the time of her hermit life.
And both servants, waking up in the morning, discovered the absence of a young woman, her clothes, they were looking for her, calling her, not daring to go far into the swamps. Then, realizing that the search was useless, they took the clothes left by Apollinaria and returned to Alexandria. The proconsul was surprised by the incident and immediately sent a detailed report to her family. Anthemius, when he received the report, realized that all his and his wife's fears that they would not see their beloved daughter soon, and most likely they would not see them at all, were justified. They mourned separation, crying out to God to confirm their child in His fear, and many of Anthemius's retinue consoled him with the words that such a daughter is a blessing to parents and evidence of their virtue and her pious upbringing by them. It was clear to everyone that she had retired to the desert for monastic life.
For several years the saint lived near the swamps, where there were a cloud of mosquitoes, and fogs and unhealthy vapors rose from the stagnant water. There she lived out all the needs of her pampered physical nature, overcoming the temptation to leave this difficult, almost impossible life, but faith and love for the Lord were stronger than carnal weakness. Her body of a girl, who grew up in bliss and luxury, became dry and strong, like armor, mosquito bites, heat and cold, fasting and daily prayerful vigil tempered it and nurtured it. great power spirit.
The moment came when the Lord, in whose prayers she was constantly, through an angel who appeared to Saint Apollinaria, commanded her to leave her hermitage, go to the skete and stay there with the name Dorotheos.
She was wearing men's clothing, after the voluntary hardships she endured, it was no longer possible, looking at her, to say for sure, a man or a woman in front of us, and therefore, when she, walking through the desert, met the holy hermit Macarius, he asked her blessing, turning to to her as to a man.
She asked him for blessings in return and, having blessed each other, they went to the skete together.
The elder brought her to the skete, determined for her a cell to live in, not realizing that in front of him was a woman, and believing that this was a male eunuch. By the will of God, the mystery of her true position and origin was hidden for the time being, so that later, when everything is revealed, everyone would see His deeds in all His holy glory. She called Elder Macarius her male name- Dorotheus, asked permission to stay in the skete and do any work. The elder gave her the obedience to weave reed mats.
Thus Saint Apollinaria began to live like a monk among the elders, doing her work and constantly offering prayers to God. The severity of her life set her apart from others, over time the Lord granted her the ability to heal from various ailments, and everyone fell in love with this strict and pious monk, never seeing that she was an amazing holy woman.
Time passed, and in the Anfemia family, the condition of the youngest daughter worsened. The unclean spirit that lived in her demanded through her that the girl be taken to the skete, and he named exactly the one where Apollinaria labored, in order to reveal her secret. At the same time, he promised that if they took her to the skete, he would leave her body. Court dignitaries advised the king to do this, and Anthemius sent his sick daughter to the skete, accompanied by a large retinue and servants, so that the elders would pray for her there.
Upon their arrival at the skete, Elder Macarius met them and asked why they had come. They told, and the elder accepted her and brought her to Dorotheus, presenting the unfortunate woman as a royal daughter who needed healing through prayer. Dorotheus, who is also Apollinaria, at first began to beg the elder to save him from this matter, since the exorcism of demons is a very difficult matter, and for this you need to have a special gift and strong prayer. In modesty, Dorotheus believed that there was no such power in his prayers.
But Macarius, insisting on his own, said that since other elders work miracles God's sign, then Dorotheus can do it.
The merciful heart of the hermit could not refuse the help that was necessary for the manifestation of God's glory, she brought the mentally ill woman to her cell. And when she recognized her sister in her, while remaining unrecognized herself, she offered up prayers to God, and the illness left her younger sister. She fell unconscious at the same moment, and when she came to herself, Apollinaria brought her to the church to the holy fathers and, kneeling before them, asked everyone to forgive her for the sin that she lives among them. But no one could understand what great sins she was talking about, seeing in front of her only an old man, in whom everyone recognized a model of ascetic life.
The elders handed over the healed daughter to the royal servants, they rejoiced, because her face was no longer distorted by suffering, and she turned out to be no less beautiful than her older sister, and gained a quiet and pleasant disposition.
But the enemy of the human race, who did not calm down, again began to look for opportunities to reveal the secret of Apollinaria and thereby dishonor her, and the skete, and the very name of God. And so it turned out that the youngest daughter, remaining an innocent girl, outwardly acquired the image of a future mother. The parents began to look for someone who could dishonor their daughter, but an evil force spoke in her again, and she said that she was dishonored by the monk in whose cell she was.
The enraged Anthemius ordered the destruction of the monastery and sent a detachment of soldiers there. When they came to the skete, Dorotheus went out to them and told them to take him, but not to touch the skete, for only he was guilty, and among the other brethren there were no guilty ones. The contrite elders wanted to go with him, but Dorotheus asked them not to do this, but only to pray for him and believe that he would return soon.
Everyone together prayed for Dorotheus and sent him to Anthemius with the soldiers sent for him. When Dorotheus - and in fact Apollinaria - appeared before the king, he said that let him know that his daughter was innocent, and he would present evidence of this to the king and his wife in private. Thus, alone, Saint Apollinaria revealed herself to her relatives, telling her amazing story of the whole time of separation from them.
It was time to say goodbye, parents, of course, asked Saint Apollinaria not to leave them. But it was impossible. They promised to keep her sacred secret, asked to pray for them, wept, saying goodbye, and at the same time rejoiced at what a virtuous daughter they had raised and what wonderful spiritual gifts the Lord had bestowed upon their child. They wanted to give her gold with them, so that she would give it to the skete, but Saint Apollinaria refused to accept it, saying that one who lives in heavenly blessings does not need surpluses of earthly blessings.
She safely returned to the skete, where everyone was glad to see her. On the same day, in order to give thanks to God, a feast was held, and the skete life of the imaginary Dorotheus continued in the multiplication of his spiritual exploits for the glory of God.
Years passed, and Saint Apollinaria felt that the time had come for her to prepare for a meeting with the Lord. She called Elder Macarius to her cell and asked him that when she went to God, her bodies should not be washed and dressed as it should be, otherwise everyone would know her true state. Nevertheless, when Saint Apollinaria departed, the elder sent some of the brethren to wash the newly deceased, and they saw that she was a woman. But, remembering how she lived among them and excelled in spiritual exploits the most strict and devoted to God, there was no confusion in their souls, but only sacred awe, and Elder Macarius offered up glory to Christ for how many hidden saints He had, but was surprised, why this secret was not revealed to him. According to the testimony church historians, this happened approximately in 470 after the birth of Christ.
But soon, in a dream, Someone appeared to him, who said that the elder did not need to worry about the fact that for so many years the secret of Father Dorotheus had been hidden from everyone, including him. For this, Macarius himself would be honored with holiness in the future, and then he told the elder the whole story of the eldest daughter Anthemius - the holy reverend Apollinaria.
The next morning, Elder Macarius woke up, remembered everything he had seen and heard at night, and hurried to the church, where he gathered all the brethren and told her everything that he had learned at night. All were amazed and glorified God, who is truly marvelous in His saints.
Then the saint's body was decorated and buried in a cave on the eastern side of the temple in the skete of Saint Macarius of Egypt, and after burial, many healings took place from the relics of Saint Apollinaria.
The meaning of the icon
On the icon of St. Apollinaria, despite the history of her feat, which she went through in a male guise, she is depicted in women's clothing. Her face is raised to heaven, and from the radiance of heaven the Lord's right hand is extended to her, blessing her for such a spiritual feat, unique in the history of the church.
Her icon is a marvelous radiant face, when we look at it, we recall that selflessness, that dedication with which Christians believed more than five centuries ago. Now there is no such faith, and it is difficult to expect it from modern man, but the example of St. Apollinaria is one of the highest examples that we need in order for at least a spark of THAT Love and Faith and Hope in Him to ignite in us, which will make our prayer sincere, heartfelt and grateful.
What miracles happened
The whole life of the holy venerable Apollinaria of Egypt is one great miracle, starting from the first days when she made the decision to serve the Lord and only Him. And this miracle lasted all the time of her earthly journey and did not stop even after she appeared before God. And it will not stop to this day, because when reading her biography, a believer will not experience anything but an astonished and admiring awe, which will change his soul, raise his Spirit in him and, perhaps, strengthen his prayer to God, making it more purposeful and heartfelt ...
Saint Apollinaria, whose icon should be in every home of those who are baptized with this name, is famous for her modest ascetic life. She dedicated it to the service of God.
Young years
Apollinaria is a saint who is addressed in case of illness. It also helps to strengthen fortitude, faith, and develop humility. In front of the icon, the words of the prayer should be repeated: “Pray to God for me, holy saint, reverend Apollinaria of God, as I diligently resort to you, an ambulance and prayer book for my soul.”
Saint Apollinaria, whose life is described in this article, was the eldest daughter of the wise king Anthemius. From an early age, she loved to spend time in prayer and often visited churches. When she became an adult, she refused to marry and began to ask her parents to send her to a monastery instead. Parents refused, they dreamed that their daughter would have a good family. But Apollinaria, a saint who from a young age loved God so much that she wanted to remain blameless for life, refused all the gifts of applicants for her hand and heart. She began to ask her parents to bring a nun to her, who would teach her to read the holy scriptures. Finally, the parents gave in.
First trip
They were touched by the unshakable perseverance of the girl, and they brought the nun to her, as her daughter had asked. Learning to read holy books, Apollinaria began to ask her parents to let her go on a journey to holy places. She wanted to go to Jerusalem. The parents reluctantly let go of their pet. Apollinaria is a saint who was very rich in her youth. Therefore, on her first journey, the girl went accompanied by a large number slaves and slaves. Also, her father gave her a lot of gold and silver. Apollinaria sailed on the ship, warmly saying goodbye to her parents.
generous hand
During the journey, she was forced to make a stop in Ascalon. When the sea calmed down, Apollinaria continued on her way. Already in Ascalon, she began to visit churches and monasteries, generously distributing alms. Arriving in Jerusalem, she fervently prayed for her parents. At the same time visiting nunneries, Apollinaria continued to make donations. Gradually, she released her slaves and slaves, rewarding them for their faithful service. After some time, she and some of them were going to go to Alexandria.
modest requests
The proconsul of Alexandria learned of the arrival of the king's daughter. He prepared a rich reception for her and sent people to meet her. Apollinaria (saint) was famous for her modesty, she did not want too much attention. Therefore, she herself went to the proconsul's house at night. This frightened his family, but Apollinaria reassured all his household, at the same time asking her not to show her extra honors that could delay her on her way to Saint Mina. But still, she received generous gifts from the proconsul, which she then distributed to the poor. In Alexandria, the Monk Apollinaria for the first time bought clothes that could be worn by male monks. She hid them with her and sailed to Limna with two slaves.
Difficult life
From Limne, in a chariot, Apollinaria went to the burial place of Saint Mine. On the way, she decided to carry out a long-planned plan, which was to change into the clothes of a monk and live a hermit's life, devoting herself to the service of God. When her servants fell asleep, she changed her clothes and, leaving her royal clothes in the chariot, hid in the swamp. There she lived for several years, eating dates. Under the influence difficult life and after fasting her appearance changed, and she became unlike a woman. One of the trials she endured in the swamp was being bitten by hordes of mosquitoes, which she did not drive away, allowing them to feed on their own blood.
New challenges
A few years later, she went to the skete of the holy fathers to find shelter there and continue serving God. On the way, she met Saint Macarius of Egypt. He mistook Apollinaria for an eunuch and brought him to his skete, where he settled in a separate cell. None of the elders who lived there guessed that she was a woman. Apollinaria took up hard work - making mats. She took a name for herself, naturally, a male - Dorofei. The saint lived strictly, she devoted all her time to prayer. Soon she had the gift of healing. According to the life of the saint, the righteous life of Apollinaria did not give rest to the evil spirit that her younger sister was possessed by. He tried to do everything to reveal her secret and expel her from the monastery. By cunning, he forced his parents to take their youngest daughter to a deserted monastery.
Mystery not revealed
There, Macarius of Egypt instructed Dorotheus to expel an evil spirit from the body of a woman. Apollinaria was not ready for this, but the holy elder reassured her, and she set to work. Closing herself in her cell with her younger sister, the saint began to pray. My sister recognized Apollinaria and was very happy. Soon evil spirit left her body. The parents were very happy that their daughter had recovered, but the secret of Apollinaria was not revealed. However, the demon did not calm down. He made everyone think that her younger sister was pregnant. And then with her lips he accused the monk, with whom she spent a lot of time in the cell, of this fall. The king was very angry and ordered to demolish the skete. However, Dorotheus himself went out to the people and pleaded guilty to be taken to the king. There, alone with her father, Apollinaria confessed that it was she. Parents were very upset by the kind of life their daughter had to lead. But at the same time, they were proud of her. Therefore, they let her go back to the skete and wanted to give a lot of gold for the elders. But the Monk Apollinaria refused, declaring that they did not need anything, because they were worried about heavenly life and not about the earth.
The secret becomes clear
The fact that a disguised woman lives in the skete with the men remained a mystery. Apollinaria continued her righteous life for a long time. However, after some time she was going to stand before the Lord. She began to ask Elder Macarius not to wash her body, because she did not want anyone to know who she really was. But he did not agree with this. Therefore, after her death, the elders came to wash the monk Dorotheus and saw that this was in fact a woman. They were very surprised and amazed at the mystery of God. Father Macarius was perplexed that this secret had not been revealed to him before everyone else. In response, the Lord sent him a dream in which he explained that there was nothing wrong with that, and Macarius would also become a saint. The relics of St. Apollinaria have a healing effect.
Apollinaria was the eldest daughter of Anthemius, viceroy of the infant emperor Theodosius the Younger. Her younger sister was insane. Apollinaria did not want to get married, having betrothed herself to Christ in her heart, and retired to the Egyptian desert. In men's clothes, under the name Dorofey, she entered monastery where she labored, tirelessly raising her spirit to God and burning with love for her Creator.
Someone advised Anthemius to send his mad daughter to the hermits so that they would read a prayer over her. And by the providence of God, his younger sister strong prayer healed the eldest. Only when Apollinaria rested, the secret was revealed that she was not a man. The courage and steadfastness of this holy virgin for all ages served as an example for all those who care about their salvation. The saint ended her days in 470.
Often when a person behaves boldly, purposefully achieving his own, they say about him that he “knows his own worth”, “that’s why he behaves like that”. Interest Ask: what is my price? What am I really worth? In everyday circumstances, a person, entering into conflict or friendly relations, manifests the qualities of his soul. But, as a rule, these are all external qualities, our relations are mainly regulated by hypocrisy: it is important to splurge, to create the image of a good employee who performs the assigned tasks with high quality, cheerful, handsome. It's very easy; it's nice when they say good things about you, they treat you well, you understand the mechanisms of manipulation of consciousness: smile, bow your head once again, give a gift.
And you can go through life without knowing: what am I really worth? You get to know yourself in cramped life circumstances.
The strength and best qualities of a person are manifested not when there is peace and quiet, but when courage, determination, endurance, reliability, dedication, readiness, forgetting about oneself, to serve another are required, and at the cost, perhaps, of one’s health or one’s life. And, as a rule, a person who shows good qualities in peacetime gives up at the time of testing.
When a person comes across church life, he is usually perplexed - it is clear that one must believe in God, but one can believe in God in the soul, what are these external exercises for: fasting, long divine services, home prayers, prostrations, incomprehensible obediences? For what? The Lord gave each of us a huge inner resource, which at the moment of the most difficult tension can open up like a second wind. A person is able to endure hunger, and deprivation, and losses, and concentration camps, exile, if he knows why. Will be able to overcome any test if he has clear values \u200b\u200band steady motivation.
Church exercises in many ways prepare human soul to self-knowledge. One can know oneself only by resisting the flow of sin, by starting to struggle with it. The Church very affectionately offers simple exercises so that a person begins to recognize himself. “I am not a glutton, I don’t eat meat,” for example, a person says about himself. Well, try it - a little abstain, limit yourself according to the advice offered by the Holy Church. You will see that you absolutely cannot control your will - it is selflessly subordinated to the slavery of carnality. This is serious knowledge about oneself: “It turns out that I am not a free citizen and I am in the slavery of the evil one, and he pushes me around as he wants.” You see, small ascetic exercises temper human courage, will, determination. The will is brought up through obedience, when a person learns to reject self-will, selfishness, his “wants”. Of course, this is not enough, but faithful in little and will be set over many. That is why it is so important to pay close attention to church experience.
There is nothing optional in the Church, in the Church everything that is offered has been tested by thousands, tens of thousands, millions of people who have traveled this path, come to know themselves, comprehend what the Lord is calling them to, and have achieved, to some extent, the disclosure of talents that the Lord in laid us down. After all, the Lord, knowing what we are called to, expects us to reach a certain height, and we live, sluggishly flowing from the past into the future, according to the principle: “nothing, it will do.”
The man could be a star , a lamp burning on a candlestick, hail standing on the top of a mountain, could be salt of the earth, and self-pity, constant indulgence of one's weaknesses does not give him the opportunity to open up fully.
God grant that we be attentive to ourselves, try to grow from day to day from strength to strength, proceed into the knowledge of God and into the knowledge of ourselves. Help us all Lord!
